So would you have called that Sirius Black Doggie instead of Padfoot?
Yes. I would've called him "Poochie."
When it comes to Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, as it turns out,
the answer is the $3 DVD bin at Best Buy. With that in mind, let's try to imagine
some of the other Harry Potter spinoffs that we want to see on the big and small screens.
Nina, what are some of the other Harry Potter spinoffs you'd like to see?
First of all, I'm really glad you took the opportunity to dunk on Fantastic Beasts because I
made it halfway through the first movie and just gave up. And I can't
even bring myself to watch the second one, knowing what I know about it.
I saw both in theaters.
My God.
One of them was for work.
Yeah. The no-maj, thing really threw me a lot. I couldn't listen to them saying no-maj,
that many times because it sounds so stupid.
They couldn't come up with another word.
As opposed to Deathly Hallows, which is poetic.
Wow. So I should ...
So yeah, I should say I'm not a fan of the current spin-off and it's partly because there are so many
better options. So my pick is, and I think this is probably a pretty popular one throughout the
internet is a prequel starring the young Marauders at school. So that would be James Potter,
Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew because three out of those four are legendarily
handsome people. So it would be a showcase for hot British actors. And I'm always down for that,
but on a deeper level, we know so little about them and what we do know objectively rocks.
So the four of them became illegal animagi during their time at school, which is almost
impossible for wizards their age to do. And they created a magical map that shows the whereabouts
of everyone at all times that can give you full access to Hogwarts. And that's all we know. All
we know is they did those two things and we never get to see it. That sucks. So I want to see them
at Hogwarts. Lily and Snape would be secondary characters and it would just be those four.
Yeah, I think, but I would want to see that as a mini series or TV series. I think it would be
too, I think putting it into movies as the Harry Potter movies kind of proved,
you just jam too much stuff in and it gets too crowded.
So you think that, so, so this would take place during their time at school?
Yeah.
And so what did the Marauders do? I'm not really,
was that just their name for their little clique? I don't-
Yeah. So when they made the Marauder's Map, they gave themselves nicknames. And so
Peter Pettigrew was Moony, no, I'm sorry. He was Wormtail. Whoa.
Come on.
Remus was Moony. I know. I've already screwed this up.
I mean, you know why the nicknames are the nicknames, right? I don't have to explain that?
Right because their animal forms?
Well, I mean, Remus is a werewolf so.
He's a werewolf.
Yeah. And then Wormtail's a rat. And then Prongs is James and he's a stag.
I would have called him Wolfy.
Well maybe you should.
More subtle.
Yeah. And then, So would you have called that Sirius Black Doggie instead of Padfoot?
Yes.
Yeah.
I would have called him Poochie.
You would have called Klaue from Black Panther "Great Big Arm Guy "
though. We've had this discussion. Yeah, yeah.
So yeah. I mean, but they were also, James and Sirius in particular, were like legendary
pranksters. So it would be the Weasley twins, but bigger scale of funny pranks. So yeah. I want a
prequel of young, hot Marauders at school. I just don't think this is too much to ask. It would do
really well. I need someone to make this. And so I can forget about Fantastic Beasts then.
And they'd have different adventures on campus, similar to the book?
Yeah. I'm sure you can come up with adventures beyond what we already know, which is ...
A weird, magical thing has invaded Hogwarts,
and only the Marauders can solve it, but can they get an A in algebra?
It's not Scooby Doo.
Well, why not though?
Actually wait, maybe they solve a mystery of the week. Also they don't teach algebra. They
legendarily don't teach any math at Hogwarts. I don't understand how any
kids come out of that school prepared for any semblance of the real world.
I don't get it. They're like here, turn this a teacup into a mouse, but no math for you.
No, don't worry about math. You don't it.
The teacup mouse thing is more useful for some reason.
I mean, it's one good way to stock up your cabinets and get rid of your mouse infestation.
Exactly. So, yeah, that's my pick is a young Marauders prequel series.
Okay. I liked that. I could see that. I would watch that.
Yeah.
Tom, what about you?
I love that idea. I'm a little hesitant to put something out on the internet where Nina says
that she wants to watch a bunch of hot 16 year olds run around the school. But I'm excited.
You know, they'd be played by people who are 35? That's how teenage show work.
That's a good point.
Plus British people have never been in the sun. So they age-
And everyone on Riverdale is old enough to be my mother, just let it go.
I'm going to tell KJ Apa that you said that. He's going to continue to ignore my text messages.
You're texting him right now?
You and KJ are tight.
Me and KJ. Old KJ Rowling. And so, yeah, I love that idea.
I think there's a ton of cool characters that you can do stuff with in the universe.
I was talking to somebody about this last night and they actually pitched
the idea for a Arthur Weasley travel show, and I kind of love the idea-
Oh my god. I really love it.
PBS, just this guy-
He's just really psyched about phones and plugs. Yeah.
Exactly because exactly what you were talking about. These are people whose entire lives are
an amusement park of fantasy bananas. It's just this crazy stuff for them all the time. So then
they go out and they see postage stamps and they're like, you lick it, and it sticks? And
if you get to see this guy, just looking at the most mundane stuff in the world
with this sense of wonder in his eyes. And especially if we brought back, I
can't remember his name. What was the name of the actor that played Arthur?
Nina? What was the name of the actor who played Arthur?
Mark something because he was also in Shakespeare
in Love and he plays the guy with the stutter who does the prologue.
Well, good news. We're going to add his name on screen right here.
Let's add Mark's name.
So now-
I would love to see him. He's fantastic.
He was great. Yeah. He's really charming. And I ...
I think we can all agree. The adult cast of Harry Potter is
across the board really, really well cast and really good. Every adult actor is great
Yeah, really, really good. They get Helena Bonham Carter to come in and play herself.
Thought that was great. No, it was wonderful. I was always kind of curious who Michael Caine
made enemies with that he was the only British person who was not in any of the movies.
So it was just him and Michael Sheen. And that's
why Michael Sheen says he did Twilight is because he didn't get to do Harry Potter.
That makes sense.
Yeah.
I always kind of wondered about that. And then
I thought the money spends the same and then stopped wondering about it.
Yeah.
So yeah, I think that would be my big pitch.
That's so endearing. That's so pure.
I like that idea a lot.
I love it.
A little bit worried about Nina's idea also just because we're going to inevitably get the
sad boy Snape episodes where you turn in muted tones staring at a girl that doesn't like him,
writing poetry, and calling himself a half-blood prince.
Yeah.
That just that's a little too close to home.
It's too reflective of too many high school experiences on this chat.
We don't need ... Right, yeah.
No comment. No comment.
Me neither. That's fine.
Sweet, Brian, what is your idea?
Well, I'm so glad that you asked because I came up with this idea 10 minutes ago and now that I've
done it, it's all I can think about. So I don't know if you know, but I am a big fan of Star Trek.
I've never heard him say a word about it.
I know.
News to me.
I'm not actually familiar with this show. What is-
One of my favorite
new shows in the Star Trek universe is Lower Decks where they spotlight the people
who make the ship run, the ensigns, the lowly crewman who do all the work behind the scenes.
And make the ship run. So my pitch for a Harry Potter spinoff is an animated
half-hour show called Hogwarts Teachers' Lounge.
And God, I thought you were going to say something bad and worse. Okay, good.
I thought it was going to be the house elves.
Me too and I was-
And I was also like, no, not the house elves, anything but that.
There's too much. There's too much. I don't want to touch that. I don't know.
Let's not touch the house elves in any sense.
Then I'm relieved.
Great rule to live by.
I'm relieved.
Can you imagine six seasons of these half-hearted
Gollum impressions, just pouring into a strange episode after episode.
It wouldn't last six episodes.
It would last 10 years.
So this hot Hogwarts teachers' lounge would be exactly like what you were talking about,
Nina. How these students don't learn math, so what if you get it from the perspective of,
hey, the Ministry of Magic is now mandating that all Hogwarts students actually learn
math. So they import a math teacher from Nebraska and he lives in Hogwarts.
You're pitching magical Ted Lasso. And I'm here for it. I'm into it.
Yeah pretty much. Now that you you mention it, yeah.
I love it. Yeah.
He has to kind of come to grips with the fact that
none of the people there are licensed to teach whatsoever.
None of them have teaching certificates, there's murders happening at school frequently.
Nearly constantly, actually an annual basis. Yeah.
The children ....
Surrounded by people who can kill them with a thought.
They had to rebuild the castle after a giant
magical war erupted there. And people were still sending their kids.
Right.
And there was also a point where a giant snake was able to work its way through the plumbing.
And everyone just went back to school the next year as
if that was a totally normal thing to happen anywhere even in a magic world.
Yeah. Go to the public school nearby, just learn, you know, car repair.
Go anywhere.
Go anywhere but Hogwarts. So yeah ...
So that's my pitch. I want to see what happens behind the scenes. I want to see what happens
to the teachers. I want to see the teachers struggling to grade all the papers and the
papers are, I don't know, barfing pixie dust or whatever happens in Hogwarts. I have no idea.
The weird interoffice politics that comes from the fact that your teachers are
conscripting students into magical armies on different sides of good and evil.
And the fact that this guy is just trying to teach his students trigonometry,
so that they're prepared for when they eventually or when they have to balance a checkbook.
There are three wizarding jobs. And they're magic cop, magic doctor.
I can't even think of a third, Quidditch player.
Shopkeeper.
That's it. Those are the only job, oh shopkeeper. There are
four magical wizard jobs. We just listed all of them.
Right. Exactly. Yeah. What's the economic system?
Do you remember the breakdown of the money? Like isn't it 16 galleons to ... ?
I can't tell you how many Quizzo answers I have flubbed trying to remember the exact system.
17...
It's because they don't teach math. Nobody decided the decimalize their currency.
So what's it like when they eventually-
When they bring in an economics teacher to teach everybody how to manage their money and how the
laws of supply and demand work when scarcity doesn't exist anymore in the magical world
Will he teach them about like
how credit cards work because all of these people deal in pure gold?
This entire economic system is going to crash to the second he starts teaching.
Fall into the earth.
That's my pitch. That's what I want to see. I want to see Hogwarts teachers' lounge.
I think it's a good idea. Yes. What's your question?
I love the pitch. I'm really into it, but why does it have to be animated and why
could it not just be created by Bill Lawrence and starring Jason Sudeikis?
I mean, I guess it could be, but my brain ...
... goes to animated because...
Zach Braff.
No, I love Ted Lasso.
The real answer is basically so that dumb stuff can happen and that there aren't consequences.
Oh, okay. Without expensive CGI. That's a good idea.
Exactly. Yeah. Animated you have dumb things happen, you have the castle blow up everywhere.
Maybe we can get Sudeikis as a voice actor.
Sure. I'm into it.
I'm really committed to this now.
So yeah, that's my pick.
I love that.
Great idea.
Thank you. And with that ...
Hogwarts: Teachers' Lounge.
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