Transcriber: Leonardo Silva Reviewer: Mile Živković
I want to put you all in a situation.
Some of you might have experienced it before,
some of you may not have,
but just imagine for a second you're back in high school
and you're being picked on, you're being bullied.
It starts off with just a few taunts every other week,
and it starts escalating.
Every day, kids start calling you sissy, little bitch, faggot, slut.
Quickly, it starts escalating to violence,
and kids start throwing their books at you,
pushing you up against lockers,
and throwing food at you during lunch.
You decide, after this going on,
to go to your parents and talk to them about it.
You decide that they need to be involved.
They tell you, "Go to your teacher, go to the administration, talk to them."
So, you do, you go to your high school teacher,
and they say to you, "Just go to the administration.
They'll talk to you about it."
And the administration says to you, "Kids will be kids."
They say it's just a tough part of life, but you'll be tougher for this after.
Weeks turn into months, and you decide to just let it go,
and slowly, you start internalizing it.
You look at yourself in the mirror and you think, "Faggot."
You look at yourself in the mirror and you think, "You little sissy."
And you look at yourself and you think
all the things that these kids have been saying about you.
Eventually, you decide to give up.
You think, "If it's so bad now, if it's so rough right now,
why go on?"
And you decide to take your own life.
This is a story that was far too often told in 2010,
and, as you might imagine, is a true story,
but it's not of a high school student.
It's of 13-year-old Asher Brown.
He was heckled for his size,
for his religious beliefs,
for the way he acted and the way his voice sounded,
and he decided to kill himself.
This happened more often in 2010 than in any other year.
Tyler Clementi killed himself after his roommate hid a camera in his room,
and Tyler and his partner went into his room, had sex,
and his roommate decided to post that video on Facebook.
A week later, Tyler Clementi killed himself.
Montana Lance was heckled just because he had a lisp,
and decided, at the age of nine,
he was going to be done.
Kids like [Celina] Okwuone, who was 11, and she was heckled for her size.
She was called blacky, ugly, fatty,
and decided to take her own life.
Kids like Samantha Kelly, who, at 14, was raped,
and she was brave enough to come forward and report her rapist,
but she was heckled so much after that,
that she decided to take her own life, again.
And kids like Caleb Nolt, who was just criticized for the way he dressed,
but figured he'd rather kill himself than try to change.
Then, you had me.
In 2010, shortly after I was elected student body president,
I was starting to get attacked by the Assistant Attorney General,
just like these kids were being attacked in that same year,
but the difference was that the person who was my bully, my aggressor,
was someone who was meant to uphold the laws of our state.
And the thing that's interesting is that the language that he used
was similar to the language that we saw and heard kids like Caleb Nolt hearing.
It was the same language that these kids were experiencing.
And so, I want to talk a little bit about the language that he used,
and the tactics that he used.
It started with "Chris Armstrong Watch."
This was a site committed to keeping tabs on me,
the president of the student body,
and my "radical, homosexual, activist, racist, elitist, liar agenda."
Now, it's funny because it's interesting and it seems strange, but -
he started posting about me, putting Nazi swastikas online.
He started comparing me to Harvey Milk,
who was the first openly gay San Francisco city councilman,
who was killed by a fellow city councilman.
He started comparing me to him, calling me a racist, elitist liar,
a "closet racist," posting these pictures, that seemed pretty aggressive, online.
I even had an internship that year,
and he started calling the Speaker of the House's Office, where I was interning,
asking, "Will the Speaker,
one of the most powerful and prominent Democratic strategists in the nation,
continue to allow the grand dragon of MSA to serve as one of his interns?"
I was just an intern. She didn't know who I was.
(Laughter)
I'm glad that got a laugh because it wasn't supposed to be a joke.
(Laughter)
So, to a certain extent, I know that I put myself out there.
I know that I was going to deal with a certain amount of derision
and a certain amount of criticism
because I put myself out and ran for student body president,
but it got hard when it started to affect my friends,
when he started saying that parties I had hosted in 2009 were gay orgies,
and he started saying that kids who were my friends, who were part of that party,
were participants in this gay orgy -
I didn't even live in the dorms at the time -
and calling them fanatic gay activists.
He started attacking people who were close to me,
saying that I was in an ongoing sexual relationship with my vice-president,
and that there was a clandestine - that he was my secret boyfriend.
This image was posted online, alleging that someone else was gay.
And then, he starts talking about other kids who were on the student assembly,
saying that we were anti-Christian bigots who have no respect for human life.
And then, even further, he starts attacking my family,
posting about me and my father, calling us "dumb and dumber,"
saying that the process to figure out legal options was a process of futility,
and that we were fools for trying.
He called me "a little sissy who reports to his wealthy daddy."
He even started attacking my grandparents,
saying they were extremely wealthy, from Newport, Rhode Island -
they live in South Carolina -
(Laughter)
and saying that we come from old money,
and that "Steve Armstrong is a very highly paid Park Avenue attorney."
None of these things were true,
but eventually Andrew Shrivel decided to go on national television
to defend them.
(Video)
Chris Anderson: ...some of the stuff you have on your blog.
There's a picture of Chris Armstrong with a Nazi swastika near his face.
There's another with the words "racist, elitist, liar," scrolled on his face.
You accused him at one point
of being Satan's representative on student assembly.
I've got to ask you: you're a state official.
This is a college student. What are you doing? (Laughter)
Andrew Shirvell: Well, Anderson,
basically, if you've been involved in political campaigns before,
you know all sorts of stuff happen.
And this is just another tactic,
bringing awareness to what Chris really stands for.
AC: Did you really think, for an Assistant Attorney General,
targeting some college student because he's gay is appropriate?
AS: Well, again, I am doing this as private citizen, off work time,
as a University of Michigan alum.
We're quibbling over tactics. We're not quibbling over substance.
The substance of the matter is, Anderson,
Chris Armstrong is a radical homosexual activist who got elected
partly funded by the Gay and Lesbian Victory Fund
to promote a very deeply radical agenda at the University of Michigan.
His biggest issue is gender-neutral housing.
What we're talking about is anybody, any man or woman,
wanting to choose to live together.
That's a radical redefinition of gender norms.
AC: You say this is all just a political campaign.
Though, A, you're not running for a political campaign, nor is he.
He's already the student council president. (Laughter)
He's not some national figure.
And you're putting swastikas on his face and saying he's Satan's representative.
That seems like below the belt campaigning.
I don't know what campaigns you're used to being involved,
but don't you think that's beyond the pale?
AS: Well, no. I don't think it's beyond the pale.
Like I said, I think -
CA: You stand by that he's Satan's representative on the Student Council?
You stand by that?
AS: Well, excuse me, Anderson. That isn't on the blog.
That's taken from another posting, somewhere on the internet,
I may have put out - (Laughter)
CA: So, you don't stand by it?
OK, I'm just asking if you stand by it. OK, you stand by it.
I was reading the criteria the state of Michigan uses
to identify someone who's a cyberbully,
and they say a cyberbully is someone who uses technology
to harass, embarrass, intimidate, or stalk someone else,
and they list of the type of content the cyberbully may send,
including vulgar and argumentative messages;
cruel, offensive, and insulting remarks.
Under that definition, aren't you a cyberbully?
(Laughter)
AS: Ha, no, absolutely not. (Laughter)
That's a total mis-characterization from the local news reporter, Ross Jones,
that did the piece on me, who was very biased.
You can read about that on the blog.
CA: I don't know who that is. AS: Well, I protest with a sign.
That's exercising my 1st Amendment rights, Anderson.
That's not following anybody around. I don't live anywhere near to Ann Arbor.
I've been down there maybe three or four times since I started the blog.
CA: Have you ever been to his house, hung outside his house and videotaped?
AS: I have no problem with the fact that Chris is a homosexual.
I have a problem with the fact that he's advancing a very radical agenda.
CA: It makes you appear intolerant, at the very least.
It seems like you hate this guy because he's gay.
AS: No. Well, Anderson, that's your spin on it.
The real bigot here is Chris Armstrong.
I don't have any hate in my body at all. (Laughter)
I recognize that Chris is a child of God.
However, just because he is a homosexual doesn't mean he gets a free pass,
and we can't criticize him.
That does not make you a bigot,
to criticize somebody or somebody's agenda.
He's a political figure, Anderson.
(Video ends)
Chris Armstrong: So, when he went on Anderson Cooper,
it stopped being about just me and him.
When kids like Caleb Nolt, and kids like Asher Brown,
and kids like Tyler Clementi see somebody like that on television -
I know we laugh because he's a little strange -
(Laughter)
but they see a bully,
and he becomes the manifestation of the things that are being said to them
every single day in schools.
And so, when he went on Anderson Cooper, it became more about the fact
that these kids were hearing someone say those things
and validate the things that they're being told in their schools,
then it isn't just about me and him.
And at a certain point, I started thinking about what does it say about our society,
when we have - and he talked about quibbling with tactics -
when we have someone like him waging these kinds of campaigns.
And I thought to myself -
Just like he said, it's similar to a lot of other things we see in the country.
And I started thinking, "How do we attack bullying? What do we say to kids?"
We say a lot of the times,"It gets better.
Put up with it now and you'll have a better life later on."
But then, I think about instances where -
in our national politics, that's not even the case -
when we have women like Ann Colter,
who goes on national television and calls John Edwards,
who was, at one point, a vice-presidential candidate to lead our nation,
a faggot.
When we have Rush Limbaugh, who has millions of followers,
regardless of whether you agree with him,
people listen to him,
and then he calls Sandra Fluke, a Georgetown student, a slut.
That language has real impacts.
And I started thinking about -
When I went on Anderson Cooper,
I felt like I couldn't say to these kids, "It gets better."
I wish I could be up here today,
and I wish in 2010 I could have gone on Anderson Cooper
and say that there's a solution,
that I have a plan to attack bullying in our schools,
bullying in our administration, bullying in our communities,
so that kids like Asher Brown have a community and a support network
that wouldn't have let him kill himself,
but I don't.
And I even know how it feels to feel that vulnerable,
to feel like you want to end it all.
And I even have friends and family in this audience
who saw those moments of weakness,
those moments in 2010 when I, in spite of everything,
wanted to just give up and thought,
"If this is the way my life is going to be, I don't want to live it."
But I survived,
because of all of you, because of the university,
because of the friends and family that I had.
And because I survived, the one thing I do have to impart
is how to survive a bully,
and the first step is to not respond.
I didn't go on Anderson Cooper to talk about Andrew Shrivel.
I went on Anderson Cooper to talk about kids like Asher Brown.
And this is the hardest thing to tell a kid
who's being pushed up against the locker, being thrown epithets every single day:
to not respond,
but I remember, when I was being bullied -
When I was a kid, my sister said to me - I was being bullied, and she said to me,
"Don't respond. That's what they want."
Bullies want a reaction.
They want a platform like Anderson Cooper 360.
They want to be able to go up there and say these things about somebody else.
The second thing is: seek out your resources.
There are resources like thetrevorproject.org,
and other resources that help students
with their feeling like they're being suicidal.
And third: find your ally.
I had friends who I could lean on during my times of distress.
And you need to have someone who can fight your fights for you,
so that, finally, you can act swiftly and not afraid to be bold.
I was lucky enough to win a settlement against Mr. Shrivel,
because I could sue him,
but kids can't just sue their bullies.
So, what can we do for kids? What can we do for these kids?
And again, the reason I survived, the reason I won,
was because I had a huge support network.
I had Michigan.
I had friends and family
who cared about me and loved me no matter who I was.
I had friends who were able to fight battles for me,
lawyers who were able to help me out.
And I thought to myself,
"We are incredibly privileged to be at a university that knows to stand up
when someone like that is attacking another one of our students,
but not all kids get to be at the university of Michigan.
And because of that, I started thinking and I realized
my job and our job,
as we leave here today, as we leave this university,
is to take the things we've learned today at TEDx
and to take the things we've learned at this university,
and to make sure that we're doing everything we can
to be someone's resource, to be their ally, when they're in pain,
and to help someone act swiftly and to help people be bold,
and to help kids like Asher Brown,
who never had a chance to untap his potential,
tap theirs.
As we leave here today,
it's our responsibility to take the things that we've learned
and take the community that we've been privileged to,
and bring it into the world,
so that Asher Brown, in another world, could have a place.
Thank you.
(Applause)