Hello there.
This is Coach Ajit, and in today's video
we are discussing seven powerful questions
that you can use in your coaching sessions
to evolve your clients' love life,
to improve your clients' love life.
This is applicable to you if you are a relationship coach,
a love coach, if you are a life coach
because these questions will help you
and your clients understand their love lives better,
understand what does love really mean for them,
how and why their love relationship may be suffering,
or if they're struggling to find love,
they'll be able to really understand what is it
that may be stopping them.
So let's dive deep and understand
what are these seven powerful questions
that you can ask your clients
that will help them improve their love life.
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Now enough about our love relationship here on YouTube.
Let's talk about why is it that it is so important
for a relationship coach, a love coach, or a life coach
to really understand these questions.
In the past several decades, love, the meaning of love,
how relationships pan out has evolved.
You might have noticed
we have increased cases of infidelity,
divorce rates have gone up,
and more people are choosing to be single.
What is it about the modern life
that is leading to such consequences?
Is it that we are giving up on love?
Is it that we are giving up on relationship?
Is it that we don't need partners anymore?
Is it that we don't really love our partners?
Well, if you would really lean into understanding
why these relationships fall apart
or we struggle to find relationships,
it is because while society evolved,
we didn't evolve our definition,
our understanding of love and relationship.
As society evolves, your role as a love coach,
as a dating coach, as a relationship coach,
as a life coach becomes more and more important.
You see, as society is evolving,
we are becoming less and less conscious
of what these critical words actually mean.
We are so concerned with our careers that we forget
that love is a very important dimension in our life,
and we don't really focus our time,
effort, and understanding towards it.
Your job as a coach would be to bring attention
towards these things, not only in your life,
but in the life of your clients.
So let's dive deep and understand
what could be some of these powerful questions
that you could ask your clients
that will help them evolve their love relationship,
evolve their understanding of their love relationship.
I am in no way saying
one way of doing a relationship is better than another.
I'm in no way trying to advocate
a particular style of relationship.
What I'm hoping to achieve with this video
is that you can help your clients
understand relationships better, their relationships
and their understanding of relationships better,
and in the process, hopefully you enhance
your understanding of your own relationships.
I'm very excited to share these questions with you.
Let's dive into the first question.
The first question I invite you
and your clients to ask themselves
is what does being loved feel like?
You see, as of now, an understanding of what love
or being loved feels like may be based
on what society has defined love.
Sometimes based on the culture that you grew up in,
society may have defined being loved
simply means being loyal,
simply means being there when in times of crisis.
But does that really mean that you in this modern time
actually feel loved when somebody's just there
in times of crisis or just is loyal,
or does that mean something different
for you and for your clients?
What is it that will actually make you feel loved?
Because we have never sat with that question,
all we tend to find is what is wrong in our relationships
or how we are not being loved.
Because it's easier for our minds to look for the negative
versus trying to define what is it
that would being loved would actually mean
for you or for your client?
The first question that we wanna sit with,
even if they are looking for a relationship,
they're in a relationship, they are dating someone,
they are partners with someone,
you want them to really lean into the question
of what does it feel like when they're being loved?
And the reason why we wanna identify that feeling
is because as they identify that feeling,
they will also be able to really lean into,
are they feeling loved right now in that relationship,
or are they not feeling loved right now
in the relationship they're in?
And what is it that their partners can even explore
for them to feel like they're being loved?
It's an important question,
and most of our clients would not have sat with it.
So ask your love coaching clients
or relationship coaching clients,
your life coaching clients
what does it even feel like when they're being loved?
The second question is inspired
by one of my favorite books on love
called "The Five Love Languages".
This book talks about how we as human beings
tend to feel or communicate love
in five very specific ways most often and most consistently.
And if we understand what is our love language
and what is our partner's love language,
we can communicate love more effectively.
The first of the five love languages
is words of affirmation.
This is where you are affirming your love to your partner.
Do you like being told again and again by your partner
that you are loved and that you're loved in specific ways,
that you're appreciated
for the different things that you might be doing
in the relationship or out of the relationship?
Does your partner love
that particular kind of communication?
That would be the first love language,
which is words of affirmation.
The second way to communicate your love to your partner
and that may be a priority for you and your partner
is physical touch.
Do we enjoy hugging each other?
Sitting right next to each other, cuddled up?
Is that your partner really feels loved
when you rub their hand a little bit
or hug them from the back and cuddle them up?
And do their partners feel the love
when they're physically affirmed
that their partner is right there by them
and that they feel the love
when there's a physical touch involved?
The third love language is gifts.
Do you love receiving gifts or do you love giving gifts?
Because either of those could be a way
that you like to communicate your love.
Sometimes what happens is that we like to give gifts,
but the person who's receiving it
doesn't really see it as an act of love.
So you wanna be aware and your clients wanna be aware
if they love receiving gifts and they love giving gifts,
both of the acts, because if they love giving gifts,
that might be a way they like to communicate their love.
But if they don't love receiving gifts,
it might not be the way that love can be expressed to them,
and so we need to explore what other ways
they may feel loved.
The fourth way one feels love from their partners
and from their loved ones is through quality time.
Quality time is when you take out the time
from your busy schedule for your partner,
when you sit down with them
and have, long meaningful conversations
or sometimes just sit down with them
as they're going through the experience of life.
Quality time is often unexpressed, often misunderstood,
and often naturally practiced in a love relationship.
Because we are so busy in our lives,
we forget that sometimes just sitting down with our partner
may make them feel more loved
than any other act of love that we can possibly perform.
So go ahead and ask your client,
do they prefer when their partner just sits down with them
and spend some quality time together?
Do they like to express their love
by spending quality time with their partner?
The fifth love language is acts of service.
Acts of service is when you do something for someone
as a service and the person feels the love
when you do something for them.
An act of service might be when you cook a beautiful meal
when your partner comes home
or do their laundry or fold their clothes,
and so on and so forth,
anything that is a service to somebody else
and you do it as an expression of love.
So ask your clients, do they like when their partners
do acts of service for them?
Do they like to do acts of service?
What you're looking for is not only
how your client feels love, but also how they express love.
Because if you understand how they express love,
now they can communicate more effectively
with their future partners or current partners
on how they're expressing love,
and then try to find a resonance
between the partner and themselves
so the communication of love actually happens.
Just the presence of love sometimes is not enough
because when it's not communicated,
you may be doing something,
your clients may be doing something for your partner,
and their partner may not even see it as an act of love.
It happened with me early on in my life
when I wasn't aware of the five love languages.
I was somebody who would always do
acts of service and gifts.
That's how I expressed love.
And soon enough I realized that a lot of the times
when I even did something with someone,
they never acknowledged it.
They never appreciated it
and they never really saw it as an act of love
because they didn't see acts of service as an act of love.
They just saw acts of service as you want to do something,
you did it.
Or when I gave a beautiful present or a gift to someone,
they felt, okay, you wanted to give a gift, you gave a gift.
They didn't see it as an act of love,
and so I started asking not only my family members
and my partner, even my team members
on what is it that will make them feel
that I love and appreciate them?
And I started expressing my love in those ways.
I found a lot of my team members appreciate
just quality time to with me to be able to sit down
and talk about their hopes and dreams.
A lot of my team members preferred
that I actually told them how awesome and amazing they were,
and some of them just simply appreciated
if I would do something for them
that will make them feel appreciated.
Changing my way of communicating my love
has dramatically enhanced the way
I show up for my friends, my partners, my team members,
and it has also changed the way we interact,
because now we understand each other's love language
and so we can express the love that we have for each other
a lot more effectively.
So this is not only applicable
in your immediate love relationship.
This actually could be useful in your workplace.
It could be useful in your friendships.
This could be useful
with your parents or with your children.
So knowing your love language and then using it effectively
to communicate your love may be a powerful thing
that you can help your clients facilitate
so they can better their love life,
they can improve their love life.
The third powerful question you wanna ask your client
or ask in a relationship is,
what do you value in your partner?
Why do you love your partner?
You see, there are certain reasons
why we value a partnership or a relationship
with our partner.
There's certain reasons
why we think a relationship really works.
But often as life progresses, as life moves on,
we forget that valuable insight.
We forget the things that now we take for granted,
we forget about why we always wanted
to be with the partner that we are with,
why we were in love with them in the first place.
Reminding ourselves of why do we value our partner,
what is it that we appreciate in our partner,
reminds us of the reasons why we are in love with them,
the reasons why we fell in love with them,
the reasons why we appreciate them so much in our lives.
We go out of the frame of just knowing that they are there
to actually reminding ourselves and saying,
oh, this is why I value them to be there in my life.
So help your clients remember why they value their partners.
Why is it that they are in relationship with them
by asking them,
what is it that you value about your partner?
What is it that you really appreciate in your partner?
The fourth question is slightly risky.
It invites your clients to really think about
what is it they would change in the relationship.
The question is, if you had a do-over,
what would you change in your relationship?
The reason we ask this question to our clients
is very often if the client reflects well enough,
they would either find exactly what are some of the things
they would like to change in that relationship,
which gives us an opportunity
to really explore that conversation,
and sometimes you will find that your client
would not want to change anything,
and that brings attention towards how they may be thinking
that their relationship is not going the way they want to,
but really is going the way they want to,
because they wouldn't change anything if they had a do-over.
It's a powerful place to operate from.
It allows us and allows our clients
to really sit down and reflect on,
I wouldn't change anything if I had a do-over,
or I would change these small things around my relationship,
allowing us to really work on those nuances,
those smaller elements.
The fifth question that you want to consider
leaning into when you are talking to your clients
is what is acceptable and what is not acceptable
in your relationship?
This is a question around boundaries.
This is a question around really understanding what's okay
and what's not okay in a relationship.
You see, a lot of things that we understand
from our point of view or believe from our point of view
actually when discussed sometimes brings the realization
that in a relationship,
it's actually not a mutually understood thing.
It's not a mutually agreed upon thing.
Many times in a relationship, certain expectations
or certain things that we think are okay in a relationship
sometimes creates distrust or frustration
in our partner's life.
To give a silly example, do you know somebody
that just puts dirty dishes in the sink?
Is that acceptable?
Is that not acceptable?
Has that ever been discussed
as an acceptable or non-acceptable circumstance or scenario?
I know it's a silly example,
and it probably doesn't happen as often,
and maybe is discussed easily in a relationship,
but this example can extrapolate
into really difficult conversations, as well.
What is okay when it comes to infidelity?
What's okay, what's not okay.
Is it okay to flirt with somebody else,
even if you don't lean into anything further than that?
Is that not okay to even dream about somebody else?
What's okay, what's not okay?
Is it acceptable, is it not acceptable?
What's acceptable, what's not acceptable?
Defining clear boundaries allows us
to really know the scope of play,
allows us to really know how far
you can go in a relationship
and what's okay in a relationship.
What is it that we are willing to play with,
and what is it that we're not willing to play with?
This question may lean into many things
that you previously didn't even bring up,
you didn't even discuss or your clients
never even brought up or ever discussed,
but it'll open that Pandora's box that you do wanna open,
because on the other side of this difficult conversation,
the other side of boundaries,
lies a more beautiful and more improved relationship.
The next question leans a little bit
into the past of your client's life.
You see, when we start a relationship,
there is this honeymoon period that everybody talks about.
Honeymoon period's a honeymoon period
because sometimes we do things for our partners
that we stop doing after once that relationship settles.
There are certain kind of excitement
that comes in the starting of a relationship,
and for some reason, we stop those doing those things
as the relationship progresses.
And so the question that I want you to ask your clients
to improve their love life,
improve their relationship with their partners,
is what is it that your client used to do
that they do anymore,
but their partner really hopes that they did
because they really appreciated that
in their client's behavior towards them?
Or what is it that their partners used to do for your client
that they don't do anymore,
but your client really wishes
that their partner did that for them?
You see, asking this question can really get us to reflect
on what created that honeymoon period.
Why was it so exciting
when you first entered that relationship
and what led to that to deteriorate over time,
and how is it that we can incorporate
a version of that again in the relationship?
Asking this question can give profound answers
and really unbox some really creative ideas
that you were using or your clients were using
in their relationships before and are not doing right now.
So ask your clients, what is it that you were doing
in the relationship that you don't do anymore,
but your partner really hopes that you did,
or what is it that your partner used to do
in a relationship that they don't do anymore
but your client really hopes that they did?
And that brings me to the seventh powerful question
that will hopefully project your client into the future
and help them understand where is it
that they want this relationship to go.
Very rarely do we ask this question,
but it is such a powerful question.
We think about this question in context of business,
we think about this question in context of health,
but very rarely do I see individuals in a relationship
ask this question,
partners ask this question from each other.
Where do you see our relationship in five years?
Where do you really see us going in five years from now?
How is it that we would be operating?
What will be okay, what will not be okay?
How would we progress in this relationship?
How do we see each other in this relationship
five years from now?
It helps us to lean into the future
and really ask ourselves,
what is it that we are creating as partners?
What is it that we are creating as a relationship
and gets us to get into the state of saying,
I'm creating this, I want to create this,
and here is what I'm gonna do about creating this.
This allows your client to not just think
about what's wrong with the relationship,
but what the possibility of the relationship is,
what is it that can be created in this relationship,
and that is a powerful place to be and operate from
when you're in a partnership with someone,
when you're in a relationship with someone.
So we discussed seven powerful questions
you can ask if you ar a love coach,
if you're a dating coach, if you're a relationship coach,
or if you're a life coach
and working on somebody's relationship,
and I would really ask you to use the comments section below
and share with me which of these questions
really stood out for you.
Which of these questions you were like,
ah, even I need to ask this in my relationship?
Here are the seven questions that we talked about today.
What does being loved feel like?
What is your love language?
What do you value in your partner?
Why do you love your partner?
If you got a do-over,
what would you change in the relationship?
What is acceptable and what is not acceptable
in your relationship?
What did I used to do for my partner
that I don't do anymore,
that your partner really wish that you did?
Where do you actually see your relationship in five years?
These seven powerful questions
can truly change the dynamic of a relationship
that your client has with their partner.
These seven powerful questions can truly change
the dynamic you have with your partner.
I am sure you loved this video,
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This is Coach Ajit, and you're watching this on Evercoach.