By the end of this video,
I'm going to tell you how to do it and
what you need to do to prepare so that you'll be totally ready.
Hey there, I'm Rebecca Zung.
I am a narcissist negotiation expert, I am an attorney and
I tell you on this channel, and in these videos,
how to properly be ready to shift the dynamic of power and
I give you real resources so that when you are dealing with them,
communicating with them, whatever it is that you're doing with them,
you will be able to have that fear melt away and
become powerful and set yourself up,
so that you feel respected and
so that nothing and no one can ever infringe on that ever again.
If that sounds amazing to you,
then I invite you to subscribe to this channel and
hit that notification bell.
So, how do you end the relationship with that toxic person?
Well, first of all, you need to start to realize that
you are in a relationship with that toxic person and
start to recognize that for sure and
make sure that you are taking care of yourself and
taking care of your mental health, your physical health and
anyone else that you need to take care of,
as far as children, that sort of thing.
So, first of all, your own self care and
making sure you are recognizing all of that.
So for sure, taking care of that and
starting to see it for what it is and
see the other person for what they are and
starting to recognize that they are probably not going to change and
if they are not going to change,
then you are the one that is going to have to change.
I've had to have this conversation with people,
I mean, you can't expect things to be different and
so if you remain in a situation,
then you have to decide, is this something I can live with?
if it's not serving your soul,
if your soul feels like it's screaming,
if your soul feels like it's being crushed,
I call it a soul decision, then, your soul knows and
then it's time and so if it's time, then it's time.
So, when the time comes,
then you need to prepare and you need to get yourself ready.
So when it's time, you need to have a plan,
you need to have a plan in place and
so I'm going to tell you right now,
here are the things you need to do and
you need to not tell the other person that
these are the things that you're doing,
you need to gather your financial documents,
gather all the information that you can.
So, you're going to need your financial documents,
get access to as much as you can,
get access to as much information as you can,
you need to have a place to go and a place to live,
so you decide, are you going to stay where you are?
Are you going to go someplace else?
You have to have a place lined up, make sure it's a safe place and
if you need to go to a shelter or something like that, make sure you do it.
Always put your safety first and make sure
you have a stash, a stash of cash.
I always tell people at least a few months worth,
if you are not a person who has access to money on a regular basis,
you're going to need at least a few months of cash to live on,
in most states, there are mechanisms where
an attorney can go and ask for some temporary support
if you were not the money spouse,
but it does take time to file motions, get a hearing and
get the court to award your temporary relief,
things like that.
So, you will need a stash of cash if you can and
you also probably need money to hire an attorney.
So, if it's possible, gathering a stash of cash
in your name is an ideal situation.
You also need a plan for your children.
If you have children together,
figure out what you may want to do for your children.
So, that's something else you want to think about.
You may also want to hire a lawyer ahead of time,
you don't tell the other person that you're going to be doing that,
find the one that you want, find one that you have a rapport with,
find one that you like, find one you feel like is going to support you.
In my S.L.A.Y program,
I do have questions for vetting an attorney
when you're dealing with a narcissist,
that is something that is offered to you if you want it.
Make sure you create boundaries,
you start figuring out how you're going to create your boundaries.
You want to think the other person is going to probably counter-attack,
you want to be prepared for that, at least mentally, and
they will be doing some sneaky things
especially, if you're going to be filing for divorce.
I do have a whole video on
“Sneaky things that narcissists do in divorce”,
which you can definitely check out if you'd like.
One of the things you will definitely
want to make sure you have lined up
is a really, really good support system.
Whether it's your pastor or Rabbi, your psychologist,
even if it's a best friend, your parents, whoever it is,
try not to rely on your children;
even if they’re adult children, it's really not the best thing,
especially if they're the children of that particular marriage.
It's just not great to put kids in the middle of a situation,
even if they're adults, it's just not an ideal situation.
So, try to find a support system
other than your children, if possible,
but you will want to have people who can be there for you,
who can help you, who will be there to support you along the way and
a way to keep your mental health the way it needs to be,
in a way to keep your fortitude up and
keep you going because, it's not an easy thing and
that trauma bonding is a real thing, it's going to be hard and
it does get a little bit harder before it gets easier,
but it definitely will be the best decision
that you ever made for sure and
one of my favorite mantras is from the author Glennon Doyle,
who wrote “Untamed”, and “Love Warrior” and
she wrote a whole bunch of really great books,
but she has this Mantra that is “I can do hard things” and
I think it's a great Mantra and
you are certainly welcome to adopt her Mantra if you'd like,
which is “I can do hard things”.
Certainly not mine, but I share it with you to say.
Hey, if it works for you, say it.
Write that in the comments right now,
“I can do hard things” because you can and
remember that narcissists, they always do end up giving up,
if you keep going, they do give up and
they're always the worst right before they were ready to give up and
I've had lots and lots of success,
I've had people get the outcomes that they want,
the situations that they want,
even with the worst most toxic, most malignant narcissists,
I've had them give up,
I've had people get the resolutions that they wanted,
it is totally possible.
Just make sure that you stay safe and
you protect yourself and you do what you need to do,
so when you are going to end the relationship with this hard person,
you make sure you have a plan in place,
because if you don't have a plan in place,
I've seen situations where the person has laughed and
they didn't have a plan and
then they end up having to go back sometimes and
then the narcissist makes it worse for them
because they will start trying to make your life miserable
or they'll try to hoover you and love bomb you,
try to get you to come back and
then, they make your life miserable again,
that sort of thing.
So, they'll be this weird pattern that goes back and forth,
if you don't have a plan in place and
just keep marching forward into the direction of freedom,
because your soul knows, you made the decision for your soul,
so stay looking forward, not back, okay?
You can do hard things.
If you are getting ready to negotiate with a narcissist,
grab my free “Crush my negotiation” prep worksheet,
15 pages, free e-book, grab it,
totally free at winmynegotiation.com.
Make sure you subscribe to this channel,
subscribe, hit that notification bell.
If you like this video, give it a like, give it a share,
so that other people have this information and
feel free to join my free private Facebook group
“Narcissist negotiators with Rebecca Zung”.
I'm so glad that you're here.
Remember today is always a great day to start negotiating your best life.
I will definitely see you in the next video.