Kris Krohn, Limitless TV and we are
talking about how to make a marriage
work. I mean, let's be honest marriage is
deeply under attack and the two biggest
culprits are sex and money. These are the
things that we fight over, have issues
over, and some of them we talk about but
a lot of them work too embarrassing we
don't know where to go to get help. And
I'm bringing on a guest mentor of mine
today, Marianne DeNovellis. And she's going
to be talking about how you create
happiness in marriage and how you get it
to work.
I don't know how many of you have ever
been married before or currently married
but let me ask you this, did you get
married
hoping you would get a divorce? I don't
know about you,
that wasn't my situation. I never got
married thinking I would get a divorce
and even the idea of like prenuptial
agreements, that's totally an idea that
allows this little loophole for divorce.
How do we make marriage work? That's the
question. You know I had a, it was Ben
Affleck, I believe it was. Who said
marriage is a lot of work. It's a lot of
hard work but it's the best kind of work
and there's no one I'd rather do it with.
And he got a lot of flack for that. The
media, and the press, and the world, just
dunk on him
and they're like how could you say
marriages it's hard work and how could
you say all these awful things about
marriage and I was like, who is the world
to criticize marriage? You know,
we've probably heard that there's a 50%
divorce rate. Who is the world to tell us
what marriage should look like? who is
the world to say marriage has to look
like this, or marriage has to look like
this, or, or whatever it is. Stop! I'm here
to share with you how marriage gets to
work. Marriage is the most important
relationship I have on this planet with
another human being and many of you may
think that's a weird thing to say. Many
people don't think that marriages is
important. many people, many people don't
know that marriage is the foundational
principle for even our country that we
live in. That the family unit is a
central building block to what we know
is our country. Our future leaders are
born at home and raised with moms and
dads. Now the question is, if marriage
crumbles if the family unit crumbles,
what happens is our society goes with it.
Look at the case by case studies. Look at
countries all over the world. When
marriage isn't treasure, the country
crumbles. And it's more than just our
country or government that's just at
stake. It's more than just giving up our
goals, it's more than just growing old
together that's at stake, it's more than
just finding common dreams as at stake.
So how do we make marriage work? and more
importantly, why? There's an old saying
that I've heard that says, "you tell a man
to do something
and he may or may not do it. You tell him
why he should do something and he will move
heaven and earth to make sure it happens.
So why do we want to make marriage work?
And that's the key to how. Is knowing
your why. What's your why? I'll tell you
mine. The most important reason for me to
make my marriage work is not just my
kids, I don't stay married just because
of my kids it's an added benefit but
that's not the sole reason. It's not just
to accomplish a dream I had as a child,
although that's so huge and important to
me. Here's why I want my marriage to work
and here's why I make my marriage work
and here's why I cultivate an
environment, my marriage not just works,
but it thrives. It's important, it's the
most important relationship I have on
this planet. And here's why, because the
creative power of me coupled with the
creative power of my husband is
completely unstoppable. You know, many of
you have heard about this analogy and
it's not even an analogy that's made up
it's analogy from something real. Of a
workhorse. A workhorse hauling a wagon is
one horsepower. Right? a workhorse pulling
one wagon with one horse is one
horsepower. A workhorse over here pulling
one wagon with one horse is one
horsepower. What happens when you bring
those two powerful bodies together? It's
not 2 horsepower. It's more than two.
The sum is greater than the total of its
parts. That's what I have in my marriage.
And that's what everyone gets to have in
their marriage. That's what they want. I'm
going to share with you something that's
really special and quite frankly, very
sacred to me. It was a point in my
marriage where I thought it was over. I
came to my husband after some of the
worst times of my life and quite frankly,
some of the worst times of his as well.
We were two people that didn't see eye
to eye on a lot of things. We were two people
that were stuck in this circumstance
that wasn't working. You know what stuck
feels like. And I could not
create anything. I felt like I needed
this giant red flashing neon arrow that said,
Marianne go this way. But I didn't have
that. And I'm so glad now because I got
to choose. And here's what I chose, I
remember coming to my husband we were
sitting down at one of the diners, and we
had just had one of the roughest times
of our lives. And I thought, our marriage
is over. In fact I had an appointment
with his divorce attorney the next
morning, because her marriage was just so
broken. We were both so stuck in our
stuff and stuck in victim. And second is
mentality of, it's your fault. I was
just done and then I got super clear and
pinpointed on what I wanted and here's
what I decided, in my marriage I want an
honorable upstanding man who walks
through my door at the end of every day.
I want a man who loves and respects
himself and me. I want a man who is not
only one who creates goals but one was
passionate about them. One who does
projects with me, one who builds with me,
one who I could bounce ideas off of one
that will hold me accountable and call
me out on my stuff and do it in love.
I got super clear on the man I wanted to
be with and super clear therefore and
the person I got to be. You see, the world
and not just the world but the universe
has this really funky messed up cosmic
way of putting the people together that
will trigger each other the most. The
person that you marry, I'm sure many
people have heard the person that you
marry is very much like your mom, or your
dad, or someone that you familiar with
it's they're designed and there's a
weird funny jacked-up sort of way to
trigger you the most. And that's what was
happening. And a lot of people, when they
get to that point, when they realize that
they're not conscious enough to know
that, that's just the beginning of the
breakthrough. To know that, that's just
the beginning of the gift. To know that
on the other side of that, is where the
magic happens. On the other side of your
comfort zone, once you break through that
barrier of your comfort zone, that's
where the magic happens. You know Chuck
Yeager, right before he broke this down
barrier, he was in his airplane and he
was just shedding with a broomstick as
his arm was broken and everything was
shaking and he's
going so fast and no one's ever broken
the sound barrier before so no one
knows what's going to happen and there's
just utter chaos going in the cockpit
around them. You know what happen? This
control tower called him and said, "Chuck
we don't know what's going to happen
everything is so much chaos you've got
to bail" You know what he said? he said, "no way
I'm going for it" And as he broke through,
everything in his cockpit was shaking,
they've read all the meters are
going off, all the controls were out of
control. And he goes through that and
suddenly this big boom happens and the
sound barrier is broken for the first
time ever. And after that, silence.
The control tower didn't hear from him.
And finally, they radioed in, "Chuck are you okay? Chuck
what happened?" you can imagine what's
going through their minds. This is what
they hear back. It's so still.
Everything is perfect. It's in perfect order. All the
chaos is gone. That's where I was at with
my marriage. And I could have either
backed away, slowed down, stopped my
progression, or I could break through
that sound barrier and go where we'd
never gone before. And so we went in that
diner that day, I was super clear on what
I wanted. Super clear on what I wanted to
create in my family and in my marriage and
I got unconditioned with myself.
In one of our other videos, you'll learn about
one condition on how to get
unconditional, why it's so important. And
I have to tell, you when I came to had
that conversation,
I knew that whether I chose, my husband
chose in, or out of what I wanted to
create, I was totally okay. I was
perfectly at peace with whatever he
chose. So I showed him. I laid on my
blueprint. I gave him what I wanted for a
marriage and I say, "you know what? I would
love to play with you in this marriage. I
would love for that man to be you but
I'm happy whether or not you choose in or
out. Just let me know. And let me know now
so that we can move forward with
whatever that looks like. In my situation,
My husband shows in and we designed with
that got to mean. We designed what our
marriage got to look like. But here's the
thing, here's your takeaway, if you take
away one thing from this video, here's
what I want it to be. In order
for your marriage to work, you have to be
clear on what you want and Cheshire,the
Cheshire Cat in Alice in Wonderland
said, "if you don't know where you're
going, of course you're going to get
there. But if you know where you're
headed, you know where you're going to
end up.. Get clear, get precise, create your
blueprint for your marriage and then
unconditionally be committed to it.
And that's how the cookie crumb...
That's how you make marriage work. Friends, Marianne DeNovellis.
Thank you so much. I appreciate
how you showed up. You, you, have changed so
many lives in this marriage arena.
You've done it clearly by the powerful
example of you and how you've done it in your
life. So thank you for everything you
shared. For the rest of you, join us on
limitless TV. Hit subscribe
we've got powerful mentoring coming your
way on relationships.