Hello everybody! My name is Markiplier and welcome back to Totally Accurate Battle Simulator.
There's been a lot of additions.
It's now Pre-Alpha 0.2.0
And with it comes new maps!
Estimated performance!
And also, those really weird mysterious chicken men.
And then a chicken man-man which I don't know what that means;
I'm assuming it's a chicken that spits out little men.
Let's test that theory!
I actually haven't used it before,
I'm not lying, I've never used this,
Never seen it, that's my guess,
I hope this is gonna be correct
and I'm gonna put a smaller chicken man on the-
oh.. that's not small at all... But I- okay.
ITS CHICKEN MAN, VERSUS CHICKEN *MAN* MAN!
CHICKEN MAN, VERSUS CHICKEN MAN MAN!
I hope its a giant one too. :D
OH HE'S GIANT! OHHHH YESSS!
I wasn't-
*screaming with glee* OH AND HE SPITS OUT LITTLE MEN!!
OOOOH
HE SPITS OUT
CHICKEN MEN!
Oh, god...!
I'm WAY too excited about that,
that is-
OHHH THAT IS SO-HO COO-HOOL!
OH, THAT'S SOOO COOL!
Oh god,
I'm way too excited about this
right off the bat. :D
I *LOVE* THAT!
I *LOVE* IT,
IIIII LOVE IT!
And that only cost 5000!
How would ANYBODY
be able to BEAT that?!
Holy SHIT!
There's been other things added to the game too, like more levels that we can do,
uh, up to level 20, I believe, I don't even think It was up to level 10 before.
But, now there's too much to play around with!
And I'munna have a good old time with the Chicken Man Man, and then maybe do the story mode after that! Because,
HOLY SHIT!
Alright, Chicken Man Man gunna be over dere, and then it's gunna be- I'munna- I'munna have, ever increasing,
Uhh, people, to tryyyy to stop it!
*hooah* Uh oh;
Estimated performance is gonna be bad. Like hell it is!
Look at my compy!
Oooh, those are nice organized peeps over dere.
BUT YOU'LL *NEVER* STOP THE CHICKEN- *giggles* m-man man!
*Laughing* Ohhhhh... :D OHHH, that's SO adorable!
Hey! Hey dude! Hey dude! Hey dude! How ya doin' dude?
Oohh, he looks so goo- Where are y- Ohhh, he's coming after ME!
Oh god! He see me! He's SPOTTED me!
I think he actually has, holy shit!
*Dramatically* Ohhh no! Not another pass! D: Oh god!
Someone save us from this Hell!
I mean, they're still alive, fo-for now...
Ohhh jeez, them chickens
Okay, WELL...! That didn't work *laughing* at all! *laughing again..* That didn't work!
He's just ballet kickin'! He's doing the can-can just 'CAUSE he can!
A'ight, so that didn't work. I'm gon' get my... My boxer buddies here; these BOXAHS !
My BOXAH buddies here. Deez boxahs!
They ain't gonna stop ME! We know what's up, don't we gents?
Come on, stop pressing up against each other! There's no defense there! You gotta face em' head on!
Although he- Ohh god, he poops em' out his butt! D: Oh god, that's DIRECTLY out the butt!
Ohhhh, yes! Ohhh, strut your stuff!
Ha-BOINK! Ohhh, and they're fine.
Did you know, that when the chicken man is birthed, it's mature enough to walk on two legs?
I have a feeling that we're just gonna have a problem, but, if there's one, thing I know that can tame us some chickens,
It's gonna be farmers.
Go for it! Get dat performance! Look at my compy, it's so good, it's so big just like it- *pause* I dunno. :/
"OOOH, I HOPE I GET 'EM!" *YELLS*
"Well I don't quite know how to hold this, but d'okay, here we go!"
Awwww, SHHHIT dude...!
He looks *laughing* piiiiiissed!
Farmers! Tame your wild stock!
They're not even coming TOWARDS you!
I'mma gonna stab ya! I'm gon-OOOHHHH! Ugh, chickens. :c
Yeah, you better run away! Oh no; this guy's gonna be a hero! DON'T DO IT- awww shit... Well, he's dead. :/
Well, I don't think ANYTHING's gonna be able to beat THIS asshole... Maybe...
Just maybe... Archers. No, POACHERS. POACHERS would be--
Why are they loooong? WHY ARE THEY LOOOONG?? That doesn't make any sense!
Go get 'em, poachies! The poachers gon' make a good number o' yer, gad dern there CHICKENS, there! >:D
You think yer chickens gon' match anything against our... BARRAGE of toothpicks??
Ha HAAA! Your ankles are gonna be DEVASTATED...
... Just like your WILLPOWER! Oh jeez, he's gonna have a tough time walking after THAT!
Just like all these guys with *pause* arrows in their backs!
AAGH! AIM FOR THE SHIN!! It's his weak point! Preferably, aim for the giant, gaping butthole in the back;
it's-it's like the exhaust port on the Death Star, if ya hit a bull's-eye!
How 'bout the noble samurai? I'm sure...
... That this is gonna go...
...SWIMMINGLYYY
Alright, sssamurai... Go get 'em!
Okay, this's gonna-this is gonna be good! This is gonna be good! I don't have any further-
-OOHHHH!!
Ohh, get STABBED in those ankles!
Oh, I didn't think anything was gonna beat that; I should've done that in Japan...!
Alright, well, if you can take on ONE chicken man man, surely THREE shan't be a problem?
Oh... Aww, it's so nice! c:
Ohoh, yes; cross the river!
Oh, this' beautiful~
Oh, this- OH, that's terrifying, actually; I take that back, that's horrifying! D:
You're killin' your own dudes! :o
Oh, jeez; this-this might actually be a problem. o.o
This might actually be a problem.
aaaAAAAHH! THEY'RE SO SCARY!
OHHH, BUT THEY WON!
OHHH!
Ohhh... They can't be STOPPED!
Okay... So what CAN stop the samurai, besides themselves?
I think it's just a thing of numbers, y'know?
I think it's a quantity versus quality type deal, so I'm gonna just see
how many chicken men can withstand the honorable and noble samurai.
We're gonna do this in the middle o' winter i think that's an...
...elegant backdrop for this...
*Cracks up for a moment*
I think it's an elegant backdrop for this... tacti-
-WE'RE GONNA PENETRATE YOUR DEFENSES! We're COMIN' for ya!
Don't worry about a thing; we're gonna RAM through your doo-whooooaaaa...
THAT guy's dead.
Ohhh, get STOOBED! (stabbed)
Oh, jeez... Oh, it's too many!
Oh, it's too many! It's too manyyyyy...
But now... there ust (is) the vikings... So, we're goin' to get the VIKINGS...
The vikings are COMIN' for ye!
HERE COME DE VIKINGS!!
I know this isn't how the vikings talked, just let me have some fun!
WE'RE COMIN' FOR YA! I'M GOIN' TA AXE YA IN DA ANKLE!
*Typical odd Mark noises*
What's that? .... Oh, I'm incredibly OFFENSIVE.... Are you sure not "annoying"? ....Oh, THAT TOO?
OH, well... Can I keep doing it? .... I SHOULDN'T...? Hmmmm...
No, I'mmuna keep doing it! *Resumes usual odd sounds*
Who's the- OH GOD.
So I'm not done... With the chicken man man.
We're gonna do, like, LEGIT archers, not these... namby pamby poachers!
We're gonna get LEGIT archers here.
FIRE !!!
FIRE AWAAAY !!!
OMG they're already smarter, 'cause they're not aiming for the ANKLES.
*More Mark noises*
AAAAGH MAH BAAAALLS!!
Why are they aiming exclusively for the crochal region?
I feel bad for the giants...!
OHHH they GOT one! :o
Hoooly crap!
They got one!
I am shocked!
HOLY CRAP!
*AUGH*
Alright. So what's gonna happen here is, it's-it's a quantity thing. So I'mmuna reduce it down to just twooo...
... Chicken mmmenmen...
THREE actually, but they're all gonna be in a line
And then, I'mmuna get eeeeven more archers...
My performance gonna be SSSSO bad...
Get ready for lag!
Ohhhh, this is too much lag!
Arright, go for it! Get 'em!
Get 'em, man! Get 'em, man! Oh, he's too far away!
OHHH GOD!
Don't fire 'til you see the whites of his eyes!
What's that?
OH... Then FIRE, ye fuck!
Oh, we won *laughing* Okay!
I wanna know...
... If it would EEEEEVEN be possible...
... To... Kill it with...
...Like, war machines...? Get ballista, get HWACHAS in the back..
Hwachas in the back- *veerooooom*- okay!
So we got a lot, so this shouldn't go too-
-hwaaatchas WHAT are you DOING?
Wh- OH my GOD...! BE CAREFUL! D:
Are-are you ready, buddy? Are-are you gonna be ready for this when the time comes?
When the time to strike arrives?
Ohhh, you were not-- WHERE are YOU firing?? Hoooo...!
*Laughing* OHoho that poor guy! Oh-- HEY, uh, FRED! You okay??
YOU ARRIGHT??
Fred, you don't look so good!
I think Fred's dead. :o *'scuse you, Mark*
Wow, that didn't get a ONE of 'em; they didn't get a ONE.
But once again, we got the everlasting...
... Ballista...
He's-he's got chickens caught up in his firing mechanism!
OH-HO, they got ONE.
Right at the end, there; I think he gave up via pity.
Now the only question remains; there's only one question on my mind:
How many chicken men men...
... Does it take...
... To kill ONE chicken man MAN man?
*Muttering* I can do better than that. >:T
ALRIGHT, so we got 36 chicken menmen,
er, 36 chicken men... Versus one chicken muh-man.
We're gonna have an assload of chickens, OH MY GOODNESS D8
OH MAH GOODNESS
OH MAH GOODNESS-- Yeah, you BETTER run away!
...'Cause YOU are in TROUBLE--
HOLY SHIT THE LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG!! D8
Oh god! What is HAPPENING? 8C
Oh God!
Oh, jeez!
YYEEAAAAHH! I THINK??
Hooo-ly SHIT.
Okaaay!
Alright, we've answered that puzzle!
Okay, so THAT... Is at least ONE of the new additions to "Totally Accurate Battle Simulator",
the other being: There's more levels! So, if you want to see me go
through the levels again, and probably face off against another chicken man man, let
me know down in the comments below, other than that, thank you so much for watching!
And as always, I will see YOU... In the next video! Buh-bye! :D