I didn't have no motivation to do it
zero motivation to do anything zero
motivation to offer shave 0-2 brush your
teeth even have a shower nothing I can't
tell you in words how I felt how down I
was when you lose control your own mind
you're in a bad place I just wanted to
show the world that a mental health
could bring somebody's big as me and as
strong as me and you know the stereotype
heavyweight champion of the world
Timmy knees then it could bring anybody
to the knees and I thought to myself if
I can show the world that you can come
back for me and to get back in shape and
get back to the top then anybody can do
it
I knew something is wrong in your life
growing up as a child birth I feel alone
and even when I was with other people I
wasn't confident character what you see
today was a very shy it was a skinny
little whipping kid I was always told
that I couldn't do stuff but I'll never
do anything I'd never achieve anything
so that made me worse basically
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I've experienced the highest highs and
the lowest lows in life
so we could work for my whole life and
when I finally achieved it was like oh
well that was a load of rubbish
I wasn't expecting not to feel like this
like I said before I just felt like a an
emptiness a deep gaping hole of nothing
darkness and gray clouds every day was
great I felt like I had nothing to look
forward to I was worthless it was just a
horrible horrible feeling that people
need to understand that many many people
are in the same boat they don't have to
be very successful sports athletes to
feel like this anybody from day to day
has the same feelings what does it all
mean what has been a world champion
really mean but what I was trying to say
was what does it all really mean when
I'm not well on the inside I was in a
position of power
I had glory fame achievements money a
family all earthly assets that one could
want
but it meant nothing so they can
understand why or disguise
the repetitive thinking the same stuff
day-in day-out he won't go away and the
more I'm trying to think right I want to
be positive negative negative negative
negative and everyone always around was
that negative 2 because of Amun
this one on for 18 months or me battling
my own self every day drinking
music my body eating rubbish taking
drugs everything I stand for didn't
matter anymore
I've never ever experienced anything in
your life even though I had anxiety
before this was
the King daddy of all anxiety attacks
this was I was so sure I was gonna die
but nothing mattered I didn't care
also one it was was a tone for me since
I can't tell you in words how I felt how
down I was when you lose control your
own mind you're in a bad place
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on its a silent killer it's almost like
carbon monoxide poison can't smell it
jab tasty Jam via well you got way I
explained mental alphas you ball up and
blow up a bolt open and it just explodes
you can't count bottle anymore and
that's that's when you're having you you
bad times and I was drinking every day
something I've never done in my life to
try and wash me sorrows away but it
didn't come to a stage where that's one
way of doing it but I'm going every and
heavier I was gaining 380 390 400 pounds
and I was very unhealthy I didn't fit in
anything I owned anymore wasn't me
anymore I had two bodies turning point
walls I want out Halloween dressed as a
rare skeleton in a fancy dress party
about nine of all can expected to stare
all and get smushed
I had one drink
all time
I'm back normal again now there I'm like
like thinking straight
still drinking book think intense bullet
and I called out to my wife it's a Paris
here she doesn't what said tomorrow
myself start to turn my life around
I said I promise you I said how are you
gonna do I'm definitely gonna do it
I'm not date
I got me trucks inked on in the morning
and I was gonna room team I'll look
about 200 yards and stopped and I
thought right account I can't run
I've run all my life I've always been a
very good runner and I got 200 yards and
I was totally gone I could fade me belly
moving on it wasn't like a fat like
jelly it was like solid brick it was it
was horrible thing of okay I'm gonna
walk the rest and a warmth and and every
day I'd go out on the canal and I do a
little warning me sweat saved and every
day I get a little bit further until I
was doing four or five mile again I know
I come back and I worked my way back and
we'll work repetitively day in day out
day in day out and at that time I was
still sleeping with a light on I would
sleep in the dark you need to stimulate
the mind and I think training is a
perfect way to do it working out
exercising well he can do a lot or a
little
you must do something I keep meself
short term goals and long term goals and
I planned things more now where if I'm
just not going on the horizon I tend to
wander on me mind goes hey but when I've
got something called planned and I've
got things going and I want to do this
this and this
even if it's you don't it doesn't have
to be big things it can be smooth
tightening on I mean something to you as
a person as an individual I'm very very
sure working out
changing your life is is is the
unsentimental elements I want you to
know that every day for two years was
very gray and dark for me
but it will come back try again you will
have sunshine days again rose-colored
days war by the sword
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you