Justin Trudeau,
Canada's prime minister
and America's sexy upstairs neighbor.
As Canada continues its battle against coronavirus,
Trudeau has decided to become
a little more hands-on.
Kids might be struggling a little bit with homework,
but if they need a little help,
there's somebody who's ready to step in.
Okay, this is just adorable.
Justin Trudeau is gonna help Canadian kids
with their homework.
This is the sort of thing you can only get away with
if you're prime minister, because any other dude
offering kids help on the Internet--
yeah, they're just getting a visit from the cops.
And I really hope that he sticks to regular subjects
like math and science, because the last thing we need
is Trudeau branching out into makeup tutorials.
But seriously, though, this is great.
In fact, I hope Trudeau inspires other world leaders
to offer homework lessons.
Like Vladimir Putin-- he'd be amazing at math.
(Russian accent): Here is easy way to solve math problem.
You phone KGB, then poof--
math problem disappear.
(normal accent): And speaking of schoolwork, as countries
around the world prepare to open up schools,
the question is how can they do it safely?
Well, this viral video from China
is giving us a glimpse of a possible future.
♪ ♪
All right, that process seems really effective,
but sweet lord, it took forever.
I mean, goddamn,
throw in an avocado mask and you got a full spa treatment.
Oh, and by the way, this might work in China,
but good luck trying this at an American school.
All right, hold on, everybody,
I just want to spray your shoes real quick.
Are you crazy, lady? These are the Air Jordan 5s!
Just teach loud-- I'll stand outside the window.
Goddamn. She trying to...
trying to mess with my sneakers and shit.
Meanwhile, here's some good news for New Yorkers
who miss their old life from before the lockdown.
Although New York City
is at least a month away from reopening,
the New York Public Library has released an album
of all the authentic New York City noises
that people haven't been able to hear for two months,
including traffic noise, subways,
construction, and even crowded streets.
Although if they really wanted be accurate,
they should also include sounds of people booing the Knicks,
a bike rider slamming into a car door
and then just 20 minutes of taxi drivers saying
they won't go to Harlem, but they won't say why.
"You know why." But they won't say why.
And by the way, I'm really impressed
that a library is putting out this album.
'Cause, I mean, think about it--
noise is the sworn enemy of libraries.
This is like a movie theater
giving out free Netflix passwords.
You know you guys can watch this stuff at home,
you don't really need to be here.
And most people never would have thought
they'd miss the sounds of New York. Right?
But that made us realize that maybe after quarantine is over
we're gonna miss the sounds of the lockdown, too.
So we put together a little album of our own
just to help us remember.
-♪ ♪ -NARRATOR: One day the pandemic will be over,
but how will we remember these good times?
Introducing The Sounds of Quarantine.
We've compiled all the sounds that you'll miss
when life goes back to normal.
Sounds like "Family Togetherness."
-(children clamoring) -(knocking) MAN: Goddamn it,
can Daddy have five minutes to take a dump?!
NARRATOR: "The Neighbor's Musical Talents."
(trumpet blaring out of tune)
NARRATOR: "Romance."
MAN 2: Why do you never want to have sex?
WOMAN: You haven't showered in weeks.
MAN 2: YouTube says corona can come through the pipes.
NARRATOR: "Cleansing Ritual."
MAN 3: ♪ Happy birthday ♪
♪ Wash your hands ♪
♪ Happy birthday... ♪
NARRATOR: And "Teamwork."
-(computer chimes) -WOMAN 2: Bill, can you hear me?
Bill? You need to log back in.
Shit. Let's all just log back in.
NARRATOR: So order your copy today
and we'll send you a bonus track:
"Morning Recovery."
-(children clamoring) -(man crying)
MAN: Daddy needs more time to poop.