how do you hmm that wasn't it hey what's
going on everybody four first we feast
I'm Sean Evans and you're watching hot
ones it's the show with hacked questions
and even hotter wings and pull up your
jeans mommies because Tommy buns is in
the building he's one of the biggest
stand-up comics in the game his latest
special disgraceful is on Netflix now
and of course the long-running podcast
your mom's house hosted by Tom and his
wife / fellow comedian Christina P pause
the video subscribe it's on YouTube Tom
Segura welcome to the show
thanks for having me man how are you a
spicy food feel like in recent years and
time I haven't been you know actively
going after it and a lot of fear but you
know what we have the chocolate milk
lifeline I think we're gonna make it
through Tom you're like three-year-olds
let's do it
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
Oh
[Music]
children's play right here man it's a
crime to call that spicy right so know
that you have a deep love for hip hop's
golden age and standing for camp blow
and often telling your audience if you
don't know who Big Daddy Kane is you can
go [ __ ] yourself that's right these days
there's an intense generational gap
debate between hip hop heads so I'm
curious where do you stand on this new
breed of rappers birth from the internet
I do have this thing where you you're
conscious of the fact that you don't
want to be like the old guy because you
can feel it being like none of this new
kids don't know how to rhyme or whatever
dumb take you have on it here's actually
the real thing about I think hip hop is
that it became so big that there is a
lot of garbage a lot of [ __ ] because
it's so big I remember as a kid going
into music stores you knew everybody
because it was like 18 people Queen
Latifah Run DMC EPMD Gang Starr Rakim LL
Cool J MC Lyte and you're like that's
everybody who raps in the world that's
it so and they had to be pretty good to
get albums and get deals and you know
now it's just it's a huge you know the
whole entertainment is just huge so
there's gonna be [ __ ] and there's
gonna be good stuff and there's there's
good stuff now for short do you have a
take on Takashi 6-9 [ __ ] that guy have
you had him on this show no but I really
want a mother really yeah
for what you want an education I quote
Shakespeare or something listen I'm in
the eyeballs game he drags in I just
dragging some eyeballs yeah no I'm
actually and say [ __ ] that guy but [ __ ]
that guy
this is your neighbors version of spicy
I might even touching that chocolate
milk ma'am there it is inspiring to
witness so want to take it back to Mecca
on Wisconsin right now you played
linebacker for the Homestead Highlanders
is it true that used to piss on yourself
Channing Crowder style okay no and yes
it wasn't a regular thing I'm just
saying it's quite an ordeal to get a
football uniform fully together you know
you got this tray and then the toilet is
a hundred yards away
so I said there was a couple times where
I had to go and I was just like maybe
already sweating and you're covered in
dirt you're like [ __ ] right so that
probably a few times I did puke before
every game you know that's kind of a
common thing I think everybody has the
guy on the team that pukes yeah
yeah I would see it one time we were
playing Lake Highland I remember the
Raman three-point stands might lean on
the hands in the dirt and the guy in
front of me is like 340 pounds and his
so he's playing offense and there's
court you know the quarter bags like
down set and he just goes ah
and just pukes all through it all over
my arm and I'm like you [ __ ] and
like neither one of us flinched he was
like that's what happens you know easy
real easy no problem there it is Tom
none yo is it still [ __ ] Nike [ __ ] Nike
man hundred percent
oh [ __ ] with that company you still ride
or die on three stripes yeah I mean I
was in Portland which I didn't know I
always knew Nike was up there I didn't
know actually they both are they're both
up there I have I heard the best thing
about how much they hate each other I
did a show up there and this dude who
was opening the shows emceeing the show
was doing up there he goes yeah I used
to be a messenger here in town but drive
you know packages around town and
Nike and Adidas are so competitive in
Portland that they would know that let's
say a prototype for a shoe was being put
in a box and driven across because they
have so many properties around town they
would pay you to stop and take pictures
of the other ones prototype so
eventually they started to put timers
and they would know exactly how long the
drive should take and then they would
know exactly if you stopped so they
would put decoy shoes and boxes they
would start to put locks and boxes I'm
like didn't buy probably would've [ __ ]
in a box if they thought this was gonna
gain them an edge and he was like yeah
basically and he goes one time this
makes me laugh so hard he goes I was on
the Nike campus and I was delivering a
package and an executive stopped me and
he was like what the [ __ ] are you
wearing
and and he goes I look down and I'm
wearing like just some BS sneakers you
know he was just a disrespectful it is
to walk around our campus and not wear
Nikes and the messenger goes well I
can't afford him so I'm just wearing
what I can afford and the guy goes
alright stop in the lobby on your way
out of here okay and don't wear that
[ __ ] around here again
the guy's like alright but at the same
time he's rejoicing he's like oh man
this is awesome so he drops off the
package he goes to the lobby he's like
hey I'm so-and-so
I think I think you guys have something
for me and they go yeah and they give it
to him any walks out to his car he opens
it and the guy had left him like the the
Walgreens janitor Elevens like the the
all black with no logo and he goes two
days later the seals came apart and i
just love that that executive could have
given them anything and it would have
costed him nothing it was been like
leave him a pair of Jordans leave him
some dumb clothes he was like give that
guy the biggest piece of [ __ ] shoe we
have because he's not worth it that's
how savage those guys are it means like
he was really actually super pissed you
know like that's like a lesson thing
that's right that's right he was sub max
I'm gonna give you the shittiest shoes
we have
I'm filling a little bit I didn't see
your attorney chocolate milk we're still
good just look good what city would you
say has the most savage hecklers well
man that is a tough one there's a lot of
animals out there I mean one of the
craziest shows I've ever had is in Miami
Miami runs on savagery dude they would
just talk to you in the crowd like as
you're onstage like I don't know about
that and you're like I'm not this isn't
a press conference I'm just doing my
thing and it's in two languages people
yelling [ __ ] in Spanish to you Miami's
pretty crazy
Philly doesn't [ __ ] around you got it
you got to come with like a little more
aggression I feel like in those cities
and [ __ ] it I mean Houston they're
psychos too and then my favorite thing
that you do on the road is when you
troll these local morning shows like
when you went and did River City live in
Jacksonville it announced that you're a
gender non-binary they can ask I want to
make is the last year you know I came
out as Polly and bi and now I'm proud to
say that I'm non-binary what is that is
there any is there more to this what's
the reaction to situations like that do
you find that these hosts just sort of
blindly go with it do they know that
you're joking do you ever get chewed out
and the cameras cut I've had the full
spectrum of reactions that one that lady
was really upset I could kind of tell
she was yeah there's one part to where I
was like I said something about my
gender being from like outer space and
if you see her she goes like like she
really it's kind of like a look of
disgust and when we cut she was like I
don't know what's happening here I don't
know she started talking to like the
club person next to me who brought me
that she was like what is up with this
guy he's the weirdest guy I've ever met
in my life I don't know how this helps
him on his shows but I also told her I
was like I don't care about shows in
with DJ I just care about after-party
and she was just like I don't get it and
then we got in the car and she called
she
like what is up with that guy I'm like
I'm right here we didn't split up she
was just really off-put by the whole
thing
which ended up actually being kind of my
most joyful experience all right so this
next one is the Lowe's calientes oh yeah
yeah this is your sauce mm-hmm it really
is delicious Sean Thank You Thomas you
know if I were in the market to buy one
of these I would get this one first said
you good there that was great okay we
got you a bottle oh right I'll throw a
hundo in there to perform thank you
hi Tom well we have a recurring segment
on our show called explaining that
Graham where you do a deep dive and I
guess Instagram put interesting pictures
that need more context so I'll bust out
the laptop I'll show you the picture
then you sell me the bigger story does
that sound good
oh yeah all right laptop please how you
doing so far I'm doing well
you're doing so good all right first
things first hey Tam yeah Mike Tyson
that was a wild day dude Mike Tyson to
me you know it's just it's larger than
life it's one of those so I saw him
board my flight and I just it was so
real and I heard these dad boners behind
me like boring him to tears and then I
was like I gotta try something and I
went up to him he was really nice and I
gave him a DVD because at the time those
were a thing man and then I sat back
down and he comes back over as I'm
seated puts his hand on my shoulder and
he goes uh he leans into my ear and he
goes I've been watching a lot of Netflix
he just looked at me like like now you
talk I was like ah yeah necklace is
awesome and then he showed me the D he's
like that's on Netflix I was like yeah
that's that's on Netflix and he goes I'm
a big fan I'm like okay and then he goes
uh give me your phone number I'm telling
everybody by the way just that part you
know brown friends I call my dad that's
a W oh yeah I'm like my taxes got my
phone number like it's crazy and the
next day like an hour before the show
phone rings and hits him he's like I'm
coming to your show tonight man I want
to see do you work like he's talking
like in fight tournament let's see
workout and [ __ ] I was like all right
man he's like you know I can't believe
you come and he's like it's all love
baby so I go to the club and the guy
goes Mike Tyson's coming right and I go
yeah Mike Tyson is coming tonight he's
like sure we could we'll have a whole
section for him him and Sinatra can sit
together and tell you no he's like
totally my I mean I go up on stage I
don't know that he's there I kind of
feel like a dumbass because I had told
people about it right right and as I
walk offstage I just feel like like then
I was like god damn like that is an
aggressive fan you know and then he was
like to him funny show brother I was
like oh my god and then he's like let's
go to the green room so he took me to my
green room right and then it's just
sitting there like ripping through
cigarettes which is also bananas I think
to see like such a high level athlete
just chain-smoking chain-smoking by the
way he had a guy like his cigarettes
whoa it's one of the most boss moves
I've ever seen in my life
this dude would run out of he's like put
one out grab a pack put another was God
come on you go Mike and then you just
stand there like anything else you gonna
breathe Wow yeah pretty wild
[Music]
uh-huh how do you I watch it
[Music]
so being the comedian in the age of
social media it seems like it adds a
degree of difficulty to stand up uh-huh
and as someone who's a veteran in the
game I'm interested in your perspective
on the anatomy of a comedy controversy
when you're in hot water what's it like
in the fraternity of comedians like do
you guys all rally around each other at
the store or what is that situation
definitely comics usually like if a
comic is in any type of trouble for any
type of joke comics almost always have
each other's back because they know what
you're doing they know that it's an art
form they know it's a performance
you never hear comedians go I was really
offended by that so to them it's almost
always a joke and the more offend people
are most comics usually are like yeah
that's really great what isn't
sufferable to you when you read think
pieces by people who aren't in the
comedy world what makes you roll your
eyes oh my god I the rolling back to the
other side of my head right now just
thinking about it
you don't get to decide as a viewer or a
writer or a reviewer what the person's
intent was who wrote and performed that
joke you don't get to decide that
deciding that for them because you're
like this is how it affected me
therefore I get to decide is complete
nonsense and also the idea that a lot of
times you'll see these think pieces
written you know outraged about blah
blah and they'll give you a line or two
lines and you're like dude that is not
the context in which that was performed
first of all written things hit you way
differently when you read something
right you could you could type up most
comedy specials and just be like here
read this people be like oh my god this
is horrific well yeah of course because
you don't hear the tone you don't know
the intent you don't see it within the
performance in that space with an
audience
I actually am one of the people who are
like just if it's funny go for it I
don't care who you're talking about I'm
a fan of jokes and I like when comics go
for it
[Music]
you know my favorite thing was watching
hot ones but I was watching trick daddy
dollars with you
classic [ __ ] amazing shout-out 305
Overtown pork and beans Liberty City
Keynes of trash go nose and rock
watching him like was he gonna do it
dashana do it interviews going along and
you're like I got asking them ya ask you
about to eat a booty you weren't sure if
I was gonna go I didn't know I was like
if they're gonna come up and it didn't I
was like this is the greatest interview
of all time um my favorite thing about
the eat a booty game is he was fully
committed which is what makes an absurd
comedy bit hilarious is the level of
commitment but it's not a comedy to him
it's he's a hundred percent sincere
about eating ass and how you have to do
it and those posts by the way he's he
spoke with the type of conviction like
if you were just a catch part of it
you'd be like I just what's this guy
talking about he's gonna open like a
shelter for something like no he's he's
gonna eat your girl's ass if you don't
that's what this is about and he would
have like a 50 hair yeah even the way he
explained it he's like it's like manners
it's like being raised right
like even his'n yeah that which is so
[ __ ] amazing it's pretty hot yeah I
still have a rich for the Nook but my
eyes are watering yeah me too maybe I
should there's no shame in it okay oh
[Music]
nice is it a reprieve of some sort it
took a little bit of the edge off
although it does feel quite temporary
alright goddamn my nose is running
[Music]
yeah Oh God
yeah chuckling Oh time mm-hmm you have a
[ __ ] question or what so recently you
and I sat down in an office kitchen to
settle one of the age-old fast-food
debates yeah now versus Shake Shack yeah
and since you are so eloquent and bald
reasoned and you're defensive in and out
I think now is a great time to settle
some of the other time-worn age-old food
debates okay should deep dish pizza be
considered pizza [ __ ] deep dish pizza
this thick I'm [ __ ] cried right yeah
I don't like it I don't like it I don't
like deep dish one's got to go steak
fries curly fries waffle fries
obviously steak fries sake my spoken
suck its cheesecake a cake or a pie
oh no it's for kids I'm scared to touch
my eyes and wipe them don't don't just
let it go just let it go just let it go
don't make it worse I'll get you
audition like this next time I have my
drama roll over they like I told you I'd
come back
what's the greatest regional fast food
chain in your opinion anything to get
away from this [ __ ] that was just a real
powerful tear that just went down ya
mouth off fires two more how you feeling
Tom like I regret coming here I feel
like I go world splitting bones viewers
respected man they do Tom Segura a man
of the people that [ __ ] what I do oh my
god so last January you did a weight
loss competition where you lost over 50
pounds and I know that it's over but
from where I sit Tom you're still
looking like a snack what have you been
doing to keep the weight off I mean this
week I boxed twice one-on-one sessions I
had a powerlifting session so I try to
work out and I try to avoid sugar what
sorts of things do you think about when
you hit a wall how disgusted I am with
myself and no one will love me try to
put those thoughts in my head of
motivators what motivates you more
seeing results or getting fat shamed by
the internet oh good question
feeling seeing the results is motivation
in that it makes you happy right you see
the Hat like do you feel joy the shame
the fat shaming from the internet gets
you to the gym so it's like you kind of
need both you need people that make you
feel [ __ ] this is hot or huh
you need that fear to chase you yeah and
then you need that happiness yeah that's
right you need both but I mean I you
know I know that some people who don't
like fat shaming they think it's really
bad they are really a guess and I
understand that but they're really fat
how bad is this it was pretty bad huh
let me ask you this you know the bomb
that knocked you on your ass and knocked
me on my ass uh but I feel like it makes
the Hellfire a little bit easier
it was preparation for it right yeah and
so I think that that's how it goes sorry
the hot ones experience really more of a
bell curve than an incline you know
really this is the last tab we call it
the last tab because it's tradition
around here to put a little extra on the
last wing you don't have to if you don't
want to Tom I feel like it's you know
once saying something like that is it's
a challenge it's kind of like a
backhanded way of saying or use a little
hand yeah it's really like you won't
play ball or not you want to sit here
you want to play ball or not yeah it's
one of the worst experiences in my life
no
all right
easy there you go whoa whoa I want its
last down try it out all right cheers
Tom cheers bro make for having me I
guess
it's not by right into tofo Tom Segura
cleaning wings what a gaeaf flattened
crime
butts actually a handsome glow looks
like you're wearing Fenty I am [ __ ]
mm-hmm you got it you got it all right
Tom here we are in wing 10 riding a hot
sauce hi weakened by the wings and I
just have one more question for you and
it comes from your friend and mine Bert
Kreischer who wanted me to tell you that
he's your best friend he wanted me to
make that clear to you so this is from
Burton okay why does Tom think people
like him he's befriended some of the
biggest comics in the industry and has
more famous friends than Trump but he's
not that interesting a guy he doesn't
say much it just stands there like a
bump on a [ __ ] log yet everyone loves
him I know why I like him but I can't
figure out why anyone else does what's
his secret to making friends I don't
know yeah
[Music]
um I don't know you know me while you
answer it because you know what you're
just a good dude Tom thank you know like
Comedy Store it sold out it sold out hey
Tom can you get me into can get me in
tonight you don't have to but you do I
want you to come eat spicy chicken wings
out of my youtube channel you're here
you want to debate in and out for Shake
Shack you're ready to go Tom that's why
I like you that's why you're my friend
there's so much better answer than mine
thank you
well you deserve it my man and look at
you you king crown on the head from
where I stand now there's nothing left
to do but roll out the red carpet for
you Tom this camera this camera or this
camera let the people know what you have
going on in your life how much throw I
come on tour go Tom Segar calm I got a
great podcast called your mom's house
check it out my friend bird is fat but
he's still my friend don't be mean to
him because he's gross all right real
quick before you get up I want to read
you without saw fire thanks
get him a napkin I want to read you the
text that Burt sent me after that okay
okay cuz I asked him I was like why do
you like Tom here's a bird said the
times I've laughed the hardest have
always been with Tom and what is
fascinating is that in those times he
doesn't steal the moment or make it
about him he shares it with you and
makes you feel like you created it he's
the accelerant to that moment where some
of us forced that fire Tommy just has an
an eight and an eight ability to sense
that heat find his way to it and fan it
and make it grow like a fat Johnny
Carson what I find fascinating is that
in this narcissistic world where
everyone wants to wants to output their
moment of greatness hoping for fame and
insisting on credit for stuff they may
or may not have accomplished
he asked for none of it making the time
he spends with you about you selfless
you walk away thinking god that was
[ __ ] fun I was [ __ ] hilarious who
the [ __ ] told him that would work he
wrote that mm-hmm
Jesus I still don't like him anymore but
that's really nice that's really
thoughtful I didn't think he was capable
of half those words
I've never heard his dream together a
sentence like that I told him I was like
I want to call my best friend now and
tell him I love him I mean that's really
sweet
I'm curious if his wife wrote it but
that's very sweet that's really sweet I
love you Bert oh wow that was really fun
thank you for having me
Aloha spice Lords if you're wondering
why I'm sitting on this beautiful beach
it's because I'm celebrating Lowe's
calientes the sauce of summer in the
newest addition to the hot ones hot
sauce family this is Beach vibes in a
bottle sweet smoky spicy and I might be
biased but I think it's the best hot
sauce we've ever made and here's the
exciting news if you want to pick up a
bottle it's available now you know the
drill
heat nice calm heat nice calm for your
bottle of lows calientes los calientes
muy delicioso
[Music]