Butterflies, excitement,
chemistry, obsession.
These are the words we associate
with being in love.
But if you ask anybody in a happy
long term relationship, that's
not actually what it feels like.
In this quick Love U podcast,
I'm going to share with you exactly
what it feels like to have a healthy
marriage and relationship.
The answer may surprise you.
I'm Evan Marc Katz, Dating Coach for
Smart, Strong, Successful Women and
your personal trainer for Love.
Welcome to the Love U podcast.
Stay to the end of this video to
discover what it feels like
to be in a healthy relationship.
When we're done, I'll let you know
how you can apply to Love U to
create a passionate relationship
that makes you feel safe, heard, and
understood.
Have you ever gone scuba diving?
It doesn't sound like it makes
sense.
But I've got a point.
I went scuba diving when I
was 20.
I took a semester of college.
I lived in Australia. I saw the
Great Barrier Reef and I got
certified for scuba diving.
And I remember it vividly
because I used twice as much
oxygen as everybody
else.
Twice as much oxygen as everybody
else. Because I was breathing like
this.
Big, deep breaths.
Why was I breathing so deeply?
Because I didn't feel
very normal to breathe underwater.
Breathing underwater is not
normal.
Ever been underwater?
Open your mouth, you can drown.
So breathing underwater is a very,
very foreign sensation.
And that, my friends,
is generally what it feels like when
people are in love.
Foreign sensation.
And the thing that you've associated
with being in love,
it's not really what love is about.
That's kind of fascinating because
we take our cues
from romantic love movies.
We take our cues from
biology.
What happens when you get excited
about someone? You can go look it
up.
I'm not making this up.
Dopamine, serotonin,
norepinephrine, pheromones
coursing through your body, lighting
up the pleasure centers of your
brain like you're
on coke or you're on meth.
We call that being
in love.
Problem is, it is
what we often associate with.
It has almost nothing to do with
what it feels like to be in the
final phase of love, which is
called the attachment phase.
And the attachment phase is more
like the feeling of
being in a close family.
If you have any good relationships
in your life, your best friend,
your mother, your sister,
whoever that might be, who's the
person you're the most yourself
around? That's actually closer
to what it feels like if you're
doing romantic relationships,
right? It's not that high-high
or if there is a high, it's
not the thing that sustains your
relationship. It might have gotten
it started, but ultimately you
settled into this feeling.
The first one was about scuba diving. This one. You ever been sick? Sure you have. Everybody's been sick. How do you know when you're not sick anymore? You don't get a note.
Doesn't come with the
big alarm.
Usually what happens is, oh, my God,
I've got this terrible cough.
I've been coughing for two weeks.
And then one day
the cough is gone.
You don't notice it.
It's just been plaguing you and
plaguing you and plaguing you and
plaguing you. And then just one day,
huh?
Not euphoria.
Just the problem.
The black cloud over my head
has been moved.
It's gone.
I can breathe without coughing.
I no longer feel sick.
It is the absence of a problem
that is
what it feels like to be in a
healthy relationship.
It is the absence of
anxiety.
It is the absence of problems.
It's not the presence of fireworks.
It is peaceful.
It is easy.
So when you think of the
relationships you've had, you think
of the boyfriends you've had, you
think of the turmoil you've been
through, waiting by the phone,
obsessing about what he's thinking,
very careful about what to say
because he might get upset and he
might shut down.
He might break up with you and he
might leave.
How are we going to have this
conversation? He's so volatile.
He's going to shut down.
He's going to pull away.
And you've normalized that.
You've treated that as
"Oh, this is what relationships
are." No, it's not!
I got into a fight with my wife last
night. This is a tangent.
I got into a fight with my wife last
night.
It wasn't even a fight.
I took the last two Rice Krispie
treats and she got
pissed at me. I was upstairs.
I was already ready to go to bed.
She came in there and started to
yell at me because I took the last
two Rice Krispie treats.
I didn't know we had a label
our food. We've never had that
discussion before in 13 years.
I'm sure she's taken the last
dessert before, but
neither here nor there.
My point is for our relationship,
it's a thing that happened and then
it was over.
There's no pretense that
a disagreement, even a fight,
is going to cause any greater
problems.
So that's really what I want to
impress upon you.
When you have a stable, healthy,
secure relationship, again, think of
your best friend or your mother or
the person you're closest to, your
bond is unshakable.
You can be yourself. No matter what
happens, it's gonna be OK.
That's the feeling of being in a
healthy relationship.
It is the absence of anxiety,
the absence of stress, the
presence of peace, calm,
trust.
Always learn something
here.
Just letting you know you're on
the right track.
Keep up the good work.
My name is Evan Marc Katz.
Thank you for tuning into Love U
Podcast. For more episodes like this
on YouTube, click the subscribe
button and ring the bell and choose
all to ensure you get notified when
new content comes out.
If you're listening to the audio
podcast, please scroll down to leave
an honest review on Apple.
More reviews equal more awareness of
the love podcast and more love in
the world.
And if you're interested in getting
this easy, happy relationship
without all the anxiety and angst of
your past, click on the link below
to apply.
Thank you very much.
I'll talk to you soon.