Some of us blame ourselves; some of us blame others; some of us blame life, or their bat..
but there is no healing as long as we're condemning ourselves
and thinking it's our fault for the limbic reactions that have been rigged
in our system for eons and eons.
So what I'd like to do is practice a little bit, and just to explore
for you to explore a place where you feel that you've turned on yourself; it may be
just a slight judgment or it may be in deep harsh contempt
but just to get a little more freedom.
So as you come into stillness, you might scan and sense where
in your life you might be turned on yourself some, or you might be blaming yourself
at war, in some way creating a bad other of some of your inner self
it might be for a way you're behaving in a relationship
maybe you feel you're being too needy or too aggressive or too selfish
it might be, as I mentioned earlier, an addictive behavior
it might be the way you're handling something that's difficult, like
sickness or somebody else's sickness
just to sense where you might not be really accepting and kind with yourself
and you might begin with intention; just to sense some wise place in you
that really wants to draw that circle and include all parts of yourself in your heart
and be part of the healing, the evolutionary healing
that can end the hatred in our world; just feeling that commitment and that intention
you can begin the first step of simply recognizing mindfully: 'Okay, so this is
this is where there's a turning against self
this is maybe the limbic system not liking itself'
you might name what's going on; self-judgment, self-hate,
harshness, contempt... whatever you're noticing
there's a little more witnessing when you can name it
and then ask yourself: 'Well, when I'm believing or feeling my badness, what's it like?'
and then let yourself go into your body to find out
so when you're believing 'it is my fault, I'm bad, something's wrong with me'
what's that feeling like in your body?
This takes a little bit imagining into, like really letting yourself buy into the story and
sense the worst part about it and what's the worst thing about you and
sensing the fears that you have around that of being bad or failing
and you might sense how familiar it is; how long in your life you've been
feeling some sense of personal badness
notice what happens when you sense how long you've been living with this
ad maybe even the effect it's had on your life; how has it affected your life, your
relationships, your capacity to enjoy, to be turned on yourself?
And even as you ask that, you might put your hand on your heart to
deepen the listening inwardly and to establish that contact with your own heart
and sense what is the part of you that feels most vulnerable or
most bad, what does it most need from you? Or what does it most need from your
most wise or high self?
What's the nurturing it needs?
Does it need to trust that it's not its fault, that it's really, essentially,
there's goodness inside you? Does it need to feel care?
That there's a presence that's staying with you and cares about you?
Does it need to feel forgiven? Is there a certain message it needs?
You might sense how the wisest part of you and most loving part of you
wants to respond to this vulnerable place right now
is there some words of comfort?
Perhaps the touch on the heart can even become more tender
and you might mentally whisper some message to yourself that might be healing
and perhaps you might even use your name
and if it helps to sense the message coming from someone that loves you
that you trust, that's fine too; or from a spiritual figure...
but letting a message be sent inward, of comfort
and then hearing it again and again, letting the feeling be like a wash of warmth or care
that moves through you and through that place
and perhaps you can sense a little more space when there's a message of kindness
that the 'who you are' is actually resting in something larger
more of that compassionate presence... You might even ask, if you really trusted
that there's nothing wrong with you, who would you be?
What would it be like right now? Just sense that
if you really trusted: 'It's not my fault, there's nothing really basically wrong'?
Sure like conditioning there's waves in the sea
but you're bigger than just the waves
who are you if there's nothing wrong?
The tools for evolving out of hatred
are the tools of presence; of mindfully noticing when we get stuck,
feeling our feelings,
offering nurturing.
[bells]