Once you are with her, she's gonna be your wife.
wait so when you date a person then you have to marry them that's what
you have to let a girl believe oh wow stop selling dreams guys
my name is James I'm from Nigeria hi I'm virushka from South Africa my name is
natomi and I'm from Angola my name is Mina and I'm from Sudan my name is Nadia and I am from Rwanda
in my country sex before marriage is taboo
it's considered taboo but people still do it we're very like Christian country at least the morals
are from you know Christianity so there's no sex before marriage what is sex nobody talks about it
so the reason why I kind of step backward before then I come forward again is like a there's like
a two generation gap like our parents there is more like okay yeah no sex before marriage for
the youths is it something like people don't believe in that taboo anymore whenever they
can do it and I believe in my parents do that but they just don't tell us about it
That's true, that's true - with you on that point. In Kingali, we have a term which means in Kingali we share -
and it doesn't mean food we're not talking about food so we're very hush-hush when it comes to
sex but we know that everybody does it but nobody talks about it. Back into Sudan it doesn't happen
at all like you would actually like if you get caught like you could end up in jail and all that
stuff so if you get one to marry so they expect to get to be virgin and put something on the bed to
see the blood the Youth of nowadays they don't follow that and they don't look at it as taboo
so because if I see you I like you then I want to be with you. Online dating is highly popular in
my country. I just recently came back from South Africa and as being a single person I was on the
dating app and I found a lot of my single friends and cousins were all on it so yes I would think
that it has become very popular in Nigeria now it's popular based on like if you live in an urban
area but the rural area is not that popular so if I could say online dating using the apps it's not
popular - maybe Instagram you know if that falls under the scope of online dating recently I heard
there's like a lot of Tinder like dating going on but like you said it's pretty much in the
city and very hookup culture. In Sudan there's no such thing as a dating app here yes what did they
use this Kochi like the engagement period is your dating period wow you get engaged and then you go
on dates but they are chaperoned still oh so okay does it matter if she's a good girl or bad girl
me I kind of agree with what Nadia has to say like we can meet off social media, Facebook and
stuff but not necessarily dating apps and I feel like in Angola everyone knows each other, everyone knows each other!
Polygamy is legal and accepted in my country.
With South Africa polygamy is a cultural thing so with the Zulu tradition specifically you are
allowed to have I think about four wives I mean our past president Jacob Zuma had four
wives and I think like about 13 kids I believe uh like in Nigerian there's no crime to have
like 10 20 women it's okay but I think uh so it depends like where that the culture play role a
little bit so if you are from the northern part of Nigeria they are most like used to that kind
of uh having a lot of women but then there's a factor that involve our body too like a
traditional religious and all those stuff is more acceptable with the Muslim people can like a woman
have like a hundred husbands or boyfriends or whatever I know it's like a lion you know
so that means I won't treat you you are supposed to treat you right so that means
like the responsibility become equality or if I have uh 10 wives then that means I'm rich enough
to take care of you and the kids um possibly buy your house and make you feel comfortable
if I find you doing it you are out but if you do it don't let me know now I was going to say I have
a problem with with the mindset of polygamy in itself if it works for people it's okay I just
do not like the the double standard when it comes to the genders so a man can have many
you know Partners but a woman cannot have many partners why? You have to support them you have
to support their family too and the kids and the kids too so anybody that tries to get wives
so you have to take care of all of them so most of men that do that they always die very young
so it always shows by the record so they don't last then the wife just go go and decide their
own future people know that he's cheating they will just like ignore it if a woman does that
it can cost her her life like her whole life just because of that- Equality in cheating okay! I don't
know equality and repercussions at least like for the consequences we need the same consequences
for for men and for women it is considered impolite for a man to directly ask a woman
out on a date I feel like in my country they don't even ask you they're like we normally go
in group so we would go let's say we have a party so everyone is there and everyone would just be
talking to each other and that's how we start yeah back to what I said before what is dating
yeah exactly just the concept of dating does not exist since then like people are seen outside with
the opposite like sex it's frowned upon there's nothing like really dating in that aspect it's
just more like a kind of uh liking each other than it built from there because the idea of
the girl is like once you are with her she's gonna be a wife wait so when you date a person then you
have to marry them that is what you have to let a girl believe oh wow okay like okay so even if
it's like a one-night stand she still wants to believe like this oh this is forever stop
selling dreams guys in my country it's common to do group dates rather than one on one date
I feel like we normally date each other's friends or cousins so if you go out you're gonna meet my
friend and I'm gonna date your friend so yeah I don't feel like we call each other out on a date
um so then so after the engagement part is when you start to date and every day this I'm
chaperoned either by the girl sister brother their parents whatever so like there's always someone
on the date with them they're never alone until they're married so it's almost like a group date
yeah if you just bring everything in you will mess a lot of things up they always
stay like okay be with you be sure like she wants you because whatever if you take her to
your group and she wants other guy you're in trouble so so I'm just talking about that so
but yeah most time one-on-one since we're a conservative people I don't think we're very
comfortable expressing like affection for someone when there are many people around
so that's the reason why one-on-one is still very it's still very preferred to group dates
when you're in a group you sometimes people even pretend like they don't have feelings
for each other like you just just like let it you know slip away yeah you keep it low-key
there's a very low-key you know thing going on I feel that because with us it's kind of
the same we're in the group and once some let's say my I know that my friend likes one of the
guys I'm gonna give them the privacy but we're still in the same place yeah in my
country it's common for men to provide a dowry to the family of his future wife three two one
that's Africa for you cows cows are uh we call that imuano and there's actually ceremony for it
our traditional wedding is called gusaba where the family of the guy comes with you know the
cows and proposes it to the girl's family and then the the girls family agrees they take the
gifts and it's not buying the girl it is a token of appreciation for you know bringing
giving us our future wife so yeah dowry is a very big part of our culture recently there
have been discussions among young people do we still think it's a relevant thing in 2023 for
you know the guy's family to give a dowry or like a bright price I am not opposed to it honestly
I think it's a beautiful thing that honors the woman and her family would you be like
considered Prime Property because you're educated and live in the First World countries look at me
I I I want to believe so I don't know maybe ask my future husband's family! In my country
um we have what is called a lambamento girls family needs to like give a list to the husbands
the future husband's family and that list is made by her uncle so they're gonna choose like if they
want a house they need to receive a house if they want a car you need to give them a car if the girl
is a virgin they apply like different rules to that thing if she's not they give you like
penalties for it if the girls not - wow- yeah if a girl is not virgin because they're gonna take you
to the hospital to know if you're absolutely okay okay you better be a virgin well we have
different Traditions right we have the like the Corsa the panda with the Zulu tradition which is
most popularly known and I think similarly with the other African um cultures is our dowry system
is called Labola where the man gives a cow to the girls family so he brings like the herd of
cows to her house or to her farm and the Mmore cows obviously, the better and similarly with
Angola more time property the girl is you get more cows and it can be very very very expensive.
The man is expected to pay I wouldn't say on the first day but throughout the whole dating process
The culture your mother has raised you that you have to take care of your woman and you
have to take care of a family so a man grow up to have that mentality so until he dies
so technically it doesn't matter like it's good some time for the girl to have our own
profession you know more educated and everything but in the ideal way like uh the guy will take
care of the family continuously look even if the girl she's richer than him the girl will
never do it the girl will never like pay for anything maybe something like I is he didn't
know about so if you know about it we still try to give it back okay yeah it's unheard
of to go on a first date and a guy expects you to do to go 50 50 with them I would do
it I will pay my part I would just be like yeah I'm never gonna see this guy again - yeah not the future husband here
I wouldn't consider myself to be conservative I don't know maybe how we're brought up yes I
just still would like a man to financially step up and I will as we go along if you
become serious then I start we start going like 50 50 on stuff but when you're trying
to court me when you're trying to like get me on your side yeah you better pay for stuff so
on like The Chaperone dates like the guy pays for everyone that's there oh because that's
okay because that's what they're supposed to do they're supposed to be like I'm the provider so like
if there's like two three people on top of the date he's gonna pay for everyone. As an African
woman I feel like people expect a lot from us in the African society I feel like it makes sense
that men need to take care of us as a child when you grow up you're already taking care
of the house you're helping your mom cooking you're cleaning you're doing a lot of stuff
and you're still nine so I feel like when you grow up you're gonna take care of your husband
and the kids I need to they need to take care of me that's yeah all I used to say traditional
speaking the men should take care of their African women - we do! Yeah thank you so much