This is too boring
Okay, that's better.
What's up guys. It's ahah Emma
*beautiful vocals* "ehhmmMa"
Sorry, I'm so sorry. If you're watching this the day that I'm uploading it, it is Christmas Eve, Merry Christmas Eve
I'm wearing a green sweater, spice it up a little bit for the occasion
Yeah, I hope you're spending time with your family, having the time of your life. So for today's video,
I wanted to make it very spicy and special because it is in fact Christmas Eve today
And I didn't want to just skimp out, you know what I mean (like i did with my clothing line)
I could easily just skimp out and be like *deeper voice* "ohh, I'm not gonna upload today 'cause it's Christmas Eve
And I'm spending time with my family," *normal voice* no fuck that, you know what I'm uploading today because Christmas Eve is a day to celebrate
And here I am for you right now. We're gonna be having a sleepover. Not just any sleepover Christmas Eve themed sleepover
Let me elaborate, when I'm filming this it is not Christmas Eve
So I'm just faking it, BUT the night before Christmas is fun as f*ck so let's just get right into it
*squeaks*
♪ I just want you for my own ♪
For our first activity we're gonna be decorating some cookies, because Santa loves cookies. You got to please the man
You know what I'm saying, or else... you ain't get nothing for Christmas. You feel me. I bought from Trader Joe's this ugly-sweater
Cookie kit, it's like you get to decorate these little cookie..whatever. I'm just gonna fucking open it
I'm excited because it's not gingerbread. It's just regular sugar cookies. This is the first year
I've seen Trader Joe's do something like this, and I'm ecstatic. Pre-made icing. Thank the literal Lord
I made a video a little while ago making a gingerbread turkey
And it didn't come with pre-made icing you had to make the icing yourself, and it was a f*cking hot mess. Oh my god
It's literally so *gasp*
Ohhh
My god. I hate my life. I can't believe this is happening to me
*gasp* I can't believe that this is happening to me. Okay. I'm just gonna keep going
I'm just really thankful that they realized that that was an issue and gave us pre-made frosting
We have a cardigan. I f*cking hate cardigans. We won't be using that. Hideous vest. Bonus... ugly Hawaiian shirt
Thank God for that even though that doesn't really make any sense. Well
I guess it does because in Hawaii it's like hot during Christmas. Whatever. I don't care. Atrocious turtleneck okay
Let's just talk about that for a second um I would just like to chime in and say that that's extremely rude
Whatever the f*ck, let's just get started, no one cares
So okay obviously because as we all know I just had a rant about
Turtlenecks it's very clear that I am a fan of turtlenecks - so lets make a turtleneck first
Or should we save the best for last? I don't care. Oh shit that smells good
Where the fuck oh do I have to cut the tip
Oh. This whole year, I just haven't really been on that Christmas hype. It just wasn't for me. Call me "Satan"
I am so sorry for all who I offended especially you Santa. Pull through anyways. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore
Okay, this icing is extremely dry. I mean I guess it's what you get when they give you pre-made, but still
I'm having PTSD from sucking my mom's nipple this frosting is so f*cking good. Holy shit
I'm actually really excited to eat one of these cookies it kind of matches me. not really. Let's eat one
Oh wait no I can't eat this I'm giving it to Santa he won't mind if there's bite taken out of it.
uhhhhhh
Wowww good job Trader Joe's. That's a f*cking good cookie, and I know a good cookie when I taste one
*emma's dog barking*
Shut up. That was fun, but I need to make a few for Santa. I think I'm gonna make three for Santa
That motherf*cker don't need all of these! If I made all of these for Santa and if he ate all of them because you know how
Santa he eats all the cookies that he gets you know I don't want to make the man bloated. He's already bloated
He already has literally every kind of unhealthy eating induced disease like the last thing
I need to do is like, I don't want to add to that. The guy he's gonna die any day now. His cholesterol
I don't even want to know so we're only gonna make him three. I'm trying to put him on a diet this year
I don't want it. I don't know he's already thicc okay. I know all the cookies
Just go straight to his ass apparently we're gonna make him a cardigan. Old men love cardigans
We'll make him a vest. Old men love vests. And you know what? Let's make him a Hawaiian shirt too just for like when
He's passing through Hawaii, or like the Caribbean. I don't know *pronounced differently* Caribbean is it pronounced Ca-rib-be-an or Care-uh-be-an?
Let me know down below comment down below how to pronounce it
Let me know hahahah
subscribe to *gibberish*. just fucking subscribe while you're at it.
ahhhhh
First we're gonna start out with a Hawaiian shirt. I'm trying to make this have like a flower on it. no this looks bad
*slurps*
Okay, don't tell Santa I did that
*vvvvrrrooooommm*
Is someone literally street racing outside of my apartment right now
I can literally suck on this like it's a nipple for the rest of my life
That's bad for me. I shouldn't be eating this much sugar
ohhhh
I forgot what I was talking about, okay
I really want to eat this one, too
But I'm not gonna eat it because as I said I need to save some for Santa and whatever okay
This is the first one. Let's wait for it to focus come on. Let's focus. okay
Do I need to put my hand behind this motherf*cker. is it focused or no?
I can't see the camera's too far away from me. Well. It's um it has some flowers on it. Merry Christmas motherf*cker. I don't care
*background music*
Next we're moving on to the cardigan, I hate cardigans
I don't think like I don't even know how to decorate this because I hate them so much you know cardigans kind of give me
PTSD from elementary school
I feel like all creepy elementary school teachers wear cardigans. You might see your mom wear a cardigan to church
I wouldn't know I don't go to church. Do I look like I go to church to you. Anyways see like this cardigan
It's already coming out bad because I can't make it look good because there's no way to make cardigans not look ugly
I wish I had some Christmas stories to tell because like you know then it would be like aww like we're having a sleepover
We're decorating cookies together and like telling stories
But like I don't have any Christmas stories to tell you so sorry. This cardigan
literally is the worst thing I've ever seen. I'm just gonna rub it around with my finger
And hope it-oh, did I even wash my hands? No, I didn't
oh my god
I just remembered that Santa's gonna eat this and like now
I have my saliva in it. Santa honestly put me on the goddamn naughty list. It's where I belong
I wish I belonged on the naughty list
But I don't do anything interesting enough to belong there does that make sense? Comment down below if you belong on the naughty list
Yeah, okay, low-key, low-key though, this cardigan low-key is kind of dope. Okay? We got to put the hand behind it though
I'm sorry like I'm not even..
Do you see it? I want to eat it so bad
but I have to save it for Santa!
*background music*
Do you know what I'm gonna suck from this nipple again, this kind of looks like period blood. Sorry
*slurps*
Ohh. I'm gonna make this vest really funky. Um I don't know how I'm gonna do it yet, but let me brain storm
Hmm. Okay, definitely want to do some red in this one. First
We're gonna cover the entire vest with red is this a tutorial. No. This is a sleepover and not a tutorial
I don't know what I'm talking about. My hands are literally gross like I don't think I've washed them at all today
Like even when I pissed earlier like I don't think I wash them afterwards
But I stay rubbing my finger in this. Honestly though Santa is like low-key mystical as f*ck
I don't think he's gonna be mad if my saliva is in it cuz I don't even think the guy can get sick
He's too magical for that. If his thicc ass can slide through the chimney. He can somehow magically avoid my germs
Okay, why does this look like a bowling vest? Or maybe golfing?
What does this look like? No, movie theater guy. This one sucks. Do you know what I'm gonna
Do some-no fuck this we're making this shit plaid
I actually low-key love plaid like I kind of high-key f*ck with plaid. People like are sleeping on plaid
That's all I have to say like I low-key high-key. Mid-key. High-key, I high-key
Low-key like I literally high-key
Love like high-key like a little bit though, but like middle-key, but like I low-key like high key
Though like low-key though high-key though but like really low-key
But like high-key love plaid. Such a favorite fall vegetable. Plaid is a fall vegetable that you should be eating this Christmas at your
dinner table. Plaid is a look, plaid is a vibe, plaid is in and plaid makes me want to scat
*slurp*
Wow, if I suck on this nipple one more time *slurps* ohhh!
Why do you do this to me? This is bad?
*fart noises*
Okay, this is one of the lowest points in my life.
*more fart noises*
Oh that was too much ah no
Here's the fucking plaid vest. Here's my hand behind the vest, enjoy the vest. Santa if you're watching this, I worked hard on it. Yeah, asshole
*background music*
I put our beautiful cookies on this beautiful plate
*Uh-hm* I cannot wait for Santa to just scrumdily dumdily eat those up into his tumbily (tummy), but we have more we have to do
So
Next to go along with the cookies here
We have to write a letter to Santa and I know you're probably just thinking. Well I don't think you're thinking
anything 'cause they think that everyone does that.
Not everyone does that. Write a little something to Santa. You know what I mean? Show my appreciation for him
He's been looking out for me all year. He is my Lord and Savior. Sorry is this getting too personal?
Let's just get writing. "Dear Sant-" You know what, this paper, this white paper. I'm bored of it.
I think you'll like that a little bit better
*Christmas music*
The letter is finished, I'm gonna read it to you guys real quick. Okay, let's let's read it
*clears throat*
"Dear Santa, you trick-ass bitch. I've been extremely thick this year, and I know you've noticed.
It is clear you have also been thick this year, yo' ass fat as hell.
Give me Team 10 merch or I'll burn down your factory. You stupid hoe. Suck my dick, Emma." If you're asking me,
*deeper voice* I think he's gonna like it. *normal voice* These things together. I don't know I think it's gonna be a winner
*Jingle Bells audio*
Okay, now you know I started to kind of forget. This is sleepover with Emma. You know we're having a sleepover
I can't have you guys go to bed hungry. We have to make some dinner. At first
I was going to make a bagel, but then I was like ehh no I make too many bagels in my videos
I just I need to move on then I was like maybe I'll make some pasta and I was like welll nuhh
I don't know. Not so sure about it, and then I started thinking and I'm like you know what during the holidays
We're all eating very shitty. You know lots of cake, lots of cookies,
you just saw me scarf down that cookie earlier like it was nothing. Yeah, that was scary
*rock music*
I think it might not be a bad idea if we make something a little bit healthy, so let's make a smoothie for dinner tonight
Okay, let's make a smoothie
Frozen strawberries, honestly do this at home. Add some lemon juice and new years are coming up
I bet all of us, one of our new year's resolutions is going to be *clears throat*
be healthier. New Year's resolutions are
stupid if you want to change something change it in the moment. Don't wait until New Year's to change something, but anyways
*dog barks*
Can you just keep it down?
*barks more* shh
Shh so yeah
Everyone else starts their healthy New Year's resolution blehh everyone starts that January first well guess what motherfuckers we are starting ours
December 24th. Queen. We're starting ours early because y'know what, we don't wait
*blender*
Ohh I have a f*cking cold sore inside my mouth, and this is so acidic and it hurts. I shouldn't have made this
I mean, I'm gonna still drink it, but like
*Christmas music*
Okay guys, so now it's time to kind of start chilling out
I know that today's Christmas Eve
But we are having a sleepover meaning that we do need to do a few traditional sleepover activities.
Now what is one that you think of when you think of a sleepover activity? Truth or dare.
Obviously I'm here alone because I don't have any friends, so I'm gonna download an app. Let me screen record
I don't know how the f*ck to do that, but I'm gonna learn. Truth or dare app. Should I do adult? 'Cause we're adults, right?
Truth or dare free party game contains age restricted material
*sucks in* OHH UHH NUHH
Okay call your mom and tell her that you've signed up to audition on American Idol next year, okay
Hi, um just wanted to tell you that I have *laughs*
Signed up to be on American Idol next year. "shut up"
It's just not even funny because, because you know I wouldn't do that "So you're serious?" No yeah, I'm serious
"No *laughs*" Okay "After your singing today.."
Okay, you're making me upset. I need to hang up
"Noo *laughs*"
I'm filming a video and it's like I bought-or I like got a free truth-or-dare app and this was one of the dares
"Oh got it" How fucking
stupid is this *laughs*
Okay, bye. Okay, so that was f*cking stupid
Call one of your siblings. Okay, so I don't have a sibling. Thank the person facing you, wapow! funny. this sucks
"I'm an adult virgin" this app f*cking sucks, truth or dare is canceled
Next activity we're gonna be doing is face masks and story time because you know sleepovers are a time for pampering
stories and gossiping with the gals
I don't have any tea to spill, but I do have a story to tell about a sleepover but first
Let's get on a face mask
I don't know why things like facials and like painting nails and like shit like that is like traditional like sleepover activities
But why is that? why wasn't it like? I don't f*cking know playing Mario Kart
I feel like I've actually played Mario Kart at a sleepover so maybe that's maybe. never mind. You know what I've always wondered though?
What do guys do at sleepovers?
*laughs* Like what do they do?!
Like what do you think they do?
If you're a boy watching this, comment down below what you guys do at sleepovers. I would love to know. Do you guys gossip?
Do you guys talk about f*cking like 22 Jump Street? like I don't know what boys talk about. okay
So now that we're back in bed. We have a nice face mask on. Um it's time to gossip
So I think it would be fitting if we talked about a story that happened at a sleepover
A sleepover story something that happened to me at a sleepover. Summer of 2012
I have summer camp with some of my friends. After summer camp one day
We all decide to go to one of the girls house. girls'? and we'd all have a sleepover after camp
It was a day camp. It wasn't like a sleepover camp
It was like we would go like during the day or whatever. And it was really fun
I'm also really nervous because I don't think that the person who's I'm talking about?
I don't think that they know that this happened. If you're watching this and you connect the dots. I'm so sorry in advance
I just I'm a changed woman
I wouldn't do this again
But let me just finish the story first we all decide that we're gonna have a sleepover and of course
I'm excited because ya bitch love sleepovers
Okay, you know we do the normal stuff; jump on the trampoline, eat snacks, and then it's time for bed
Okay, I'm about 11 at the time so we go to bed and everything's all good everything went very smoothly
We brushed our teeth we got in our PJs, and then we lay down in bed and went to sleep
we were all sleeping on a blow-up mattress in the living room and IIIIIII
Am dreaming. I had a dream that I was in a humongous mansion. I'm talking about like Team 10 house mansion
I'm talking like JLo and Jay-Z. wait are they married? oh
no it's Beyonce and Jay-Z. Like Beyonce and Jay-Z mansion looking ass head ass motherf*cking ass I go and I
Find my way to the bathroom in this big mansion and I take a piss in my dream
I was pissing in a toilet in my dream. Well when I was waking up
I was also pissing in real life, and this was not my bed
You know I'm 11 it's now the point where peeing your pants is now embarrassing so I pissed my pants
I was so f*cking scared it's like 4:00 a.m.
I feel warmness on my leg, and I reached down, and I'm like "f*ck I pissed myself"
I get up and I look at the bed, and it didn't seep through to the actual bed
It was just in my pants. Which is a big deal to me because that means it's easier to cover-up
I go to the bathroom, and I just take off my pants, okay
This is kind of getting TMI
But whatever and I just start washing it in the sink because I just don't I just don't
I want the pee out of my life, and I was not planning on telling anyone, okay
I wasn't gonna tell my friends that I peed the bed
I was not gonna tell her mom. I didn't want anyone to know. I wanted to figure this out on my own
I did not want to tell anybody. Luckily
I had a change of clothes in my bag
So I was able to change into my pants that I was gonna be wearing the next day
So I literally went back to bed wearing jeans they didn't even notice the next morning that I would literally woke up and got out
of bed already wearing jeans. Uh they didn't notice
thank God or maybe they did and they just didn't say anything cuz they'd wanted to spare my feelings. To make a long f*cking story
uh sure, I think what I ended up doing was.. okay
This is kind of when the story gets a little bit interesting. I was not actually
Wearing my own PJs, but I was wearing her PJ
shorts. I, if she's watching this and she knows who she is, I will feel so bad that she now is hearing this
She, you definitely know who you are if this is you. Um I'm so sorry
After I rinsed the shorts
and they were clean of my piss anyways or at least as far as my 11 year old self knew. I
Put them at the bottom of her laundry
Hamper and just kind of hoped that they were forgotten about until the time that it was time to do laundry
So I basically hid them in her hamper umm
Am I proud of this, no. Should I have told her mom and her? yes.
Because then those shorts could have been you know washed sooner because rinsing them in the sink doesn't really get all the piss out
umm *Christmas music*
i don't even fucking know what reindeers eat
*music continues*
Alright guys
It's Christmas Eve. We wake up tomorrow and Santa's gonna be here
literally love Santa so much like I literally have missed him like I know that he's really unhealthy and like he probably has like a
Lot of diseases because he eats so many cookies
But like I really hope he likes the cookies I left him and I just really hope that the reindeers like really like what I left them
and yeah, I just love Christmas Eve
And I'm so happy that we could spend it together at this sleepover. *dog barks* I bet my dogs are barking at Santa. It's fine. Guys
It's just Santa no. It's just Santa it's fine
See I knew they'd calm down. It's gonna be hard to fall asleep, but I think we can do it
Do you think we can do it? Fall asleep tonight? You know cuz it's Christmas eve Santa's coming ahh
I think we can go to bed right now cuz like it's so late. It's like 8:30. Yeah
Okay goodnight guys
Do you want to talk about our feelings
*music*
Let's go see if santa came. Oh my god. Do you think Santa came?
Let's go see if he came, let's go see if he came. Oh, he ate the cookies
Umm
Is this my letter? Oh he left me a letter. Let's see what Santa wrote back
Um I don't see any gifts here, but maybe he just like left them in the basement or something. He does that sometimes
You ain't even naughty or nice. You just a fat loser lma*yawns*
Lmaoo, ps your cookies were shitty I've seen better from a third grader suck my reindick
What the f*ck is a reindick PS reindeers hate broccoli hashtag educate yourself hoe. F*ck you Santa!
*music*