What do you think is the one thing that differentiates successful people from the rest? Or what is
the one thing that makes successful people successful?
It might seem there isn't like one thing, but many, that might have some truth in it,
however, they all come down to a single character or habit.
If you want to know why most people would never leave the cycle of poverty? How to tell
if a kid is going to be successful when he is just four years old and what the rich parents
teach their kids unconsciously that makes them successful?
Then Stick around because we are going to answer these questions and many more.
When we see a successful person, we tend
to think that they might be smart, talented, or just pure genius. Of course, that's true
to a certain extent. Still, the research shows that Delaying gratification is the main reason
what separates successful people from the rest of us.
It is when you resist the temptation of an immediate smaller reward in order to receive
a more substantial reward later. It's when you stop scrolling your Instagram
feed and get back to work. Or stop watching YouTube and start getting ready for tomorrow's
test or hit the gym at night instead of going to a party.
The research shows that being able to delay gratification is a great habit. It leads to
academic success, physical health, psychological health, and social competence.
In the 1960s, Walter Mischel conducted an experiment at Stanford University. In an empty
room with nothing but two chairs and a table, The researcher presented four-year-kids with
a marshmallow and told the children that, here is the deal - I am going to leave the
room, and you have two options: (1) you can ring the bell that's besides the marshmallow
at any point and eat the marshmallow, or (2) wait until I come back (about 15 minutes later),
and I will get another marshmallow so you will earn two marshmallows. Sounds like a
good deal? Right? The message was: "small reward now or bigger
reward later." So, what did the children chose?
Some children broke down and ate the marshmallow. In contrast, others were able to delay gratification
and earn the promised two marshmallows. Mischel found that children were able to wait
longer if they used certain "cool" distraction techniques, covering their eyes, hiding under
the desk, singing songs, or imagining pretzels instead of the marshmallow in front of them,
or if they changed the way they thought about the marshmallow, focusing on its similarity
to a cotton ball, rather than on its delectable taste).
Here is where the exciting part starts. After
many years, 1981, Mischel decided to check out on these kids to find out how they are
doing in their lives, and if the experiment he conducted can tell us something about these
kids.
The children who waited longer, demonstrated a striking array of advantages over their
peers. As teenagers, they had higher SAT scores, social competence, self-confidence, and self-worth,
and were rated by their parents as more mature, better able to cope with stress, more likely
to plan ahead, and more likely to use reason. They were less likely to have conduct disorders or
high levels of impulsivity and aggressiveness. As adults, the high delayers were less likely
to have drug problems or other addictive behaviors or get divorced. The experiment went as far
as showing influence over their body mass. Each minute that a preschooler was able to
delay gratification translated to a .2% reduction in Body Mass Index 30 years later.
On the other side, kids who couldn't wait long enough for the second marshmallow, as
teenagers, struggled to make friends, had a difficult time handling stress and struggled
to stay focused.
Does that mean that if, as a kid, you couldn't wait for a second candy, you are not going
to be successful later in your life? Well, the answer isn't straight forward. It is a
little bit more complicated. Base on Walter Mischel's research, self-control
or being able to delay gratification is a muscle. You can train it like any other muscle
on your body, you might not achieve a huge success instantly, but over the long run,
you will be fine.
Remember, the reward must have some value to you. Without a reward that is meaningful,
providing delayed or immediate gratification serves little purpose, as the reward is not
a strong reinforcer of the desired behavior. In other words, if you want to delay gratification,
make sure you pick a significantly bigger reward.
Let's say you have decided to save money to invest. But then Apple releases a new iPhone
that you eagerly want to buy. To avoid the temptation to buy the new iPhone you have
to make it crystally clear to your brain why saving that money is going to result in a
bigger gratification later such as financial freedom.
But, in 2018, Tyler Watts, who was inspired
by Mischel's experiment, decided to redo the experiment and found out that delaying gratification
has more to do with the income of your parents. If your parents are rich, you are more likely
to wait for the second marshmallow and end up successful later in life, while if you
are born to a poor family, you are more likely to ring the bell and eat the marshmallow.
There is a fantastic article on it by The Atlantic ( https://bit.ly/3b0mh9o ), but
I will summarise it in short.
Watts used a much larger sample, 900 kids compared to 90 kids that Mischel used. And
also more representative of the general population in terms of race, ethnicity, and parents'
education. They included factors such as the income
of a child's household to explain children's ability to delay gratification and their long-term
success.
He found little evidence for the idea that being able to delay gratification leads to
better outcomes. But rather, the ability to wait for the second marshmallow has to do
more with Childs social and economic background. Therefore that background, not the ability
to delay gratification, is what's behind kids' long-term success.
Here is the experiment. The kids whose mothers had a college degree and waited for a second
marshmallow did no better in the long run, they didn't do better in school or in tests
or even in their behavior. The same thing was found among kids whose mothers did not
have college degrees. But when these two groups were compared together. Kids from wealthier
households waited for the second marshmallow did significantly better, compare to the kids
from low-income households.
So the researchers came to the conclusion that for poor kids, daily life holds fewer
guarantees: There might be food in the fridge today, but there might not be tomorrow, so
there is a risk that comes with waiting. And even if their parents promise to buy more
sweets tomorrow, often that promise gets broken out of financial necessity.
Meanwhile, for kids who come from families with parents who are better educated and earn
more money, it's typically easier to delay gratification because Experience tends to
tell them that adults have the resources and financial stability to keep their promise.
And even if they don't end up getting the marshmallow, their parents will get them different
sweets.
There are plenty of other research that proves this, one of them is this book Scarcity:
Why Having Too Little Means So Much. How poverty can push people to settle for short-term rather
than long-term rewards.
For poor kids, the second marshmallow seems unreal when a child has reason to believe
that the first one might vanish right under his nose.
Many Teenagers often growing up in poverty chose to work long hours in poorly paid jobs
to support themselves and their families somehow. Despite barely covering the bills, the teenagers
still splurge on payday, buying things like McDonald's or new clothes.
Other research shows that low-income parents are more likely than wealthier parents to
give in to their kids' requests for sweet treats.
These findings illustrate that that poor parents try to indulge their kids when they can, while
wealthier parents tend to make their kids wait for bigger rewards.
An ice-cream or a sneakers bar might seem foolish.
But things like these are often the only indulgences poor families can afford. And for poor children,
indulging in a small bit of joy today can make life feel more happier, especially when
there's no guarantee of more joy tomorrow.
Its something like a cycle of poverty that most people will never escape.
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