Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, it's "The Eric Andre Show"!
[ Screams ]
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[ Screaming ]
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[ Screaming ]
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[ Screaming ]
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[ Men grunting ]
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[ Breathing heavily ]
[ Twinkling ]
[ Light applause ]
[ Ding! ]
[ Light applause ]
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[ Laughs ]
[ Screaming ]
Welcome to the fifth season of "The Eric Andre Show"!
We got a new band!
Yes!
We got a new guy!
Hannibal Buress is back, baby!
I'm so disappointed in you right now.
What? Why?
-What is all this? -It's decadence.
Why are some of them black?
-I needed to see the vibe. -Where's your hair?
It's gone, baby. I don't need it anymore.
I do not like it as a bald.
[Deep voice] What about like a Vin Diesel kind of thing?
You don't think I could be a bouncer?
For what? The Grease Shop?
There's no such think as a grease shop.
There
There's no grease shop, Hannibal!
They will create one because you'd be perfect for the job!
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Power to the ranch.
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[ Fart ]
Unh! Dude, I like what I see.
Can you burn this CD for me?
It's the secret recipe for Crystal Pepsi.
[ Beeping ]
I like your style, dude. Are you hardened?
Do you want to blaze this synthetic weed?
It gave Demi Moore a seizure.
You seem mellow. You mind if I dance?
[ Club music playing ]
Dance for me, baby!
-Wow, dude! -Why? What's --
I
Dude, we docked dicks at the Lollapalooza Cruise.
You're Benedick Popcorn, right?
What's up, Benedick?
Dude, I took this reiki class with Dave Navarro.
He left this one heckler speechless.
[ Beeping ]
Whoa! You're Woke Wendy!
You're the CEO of Game Gear.
Do you got steroid rage or something, dude?
You wanna burn some Jared Kush Nerd?
What's up, Jared Kush Nerd?
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Let me hear your British accent. Give me a sentence.
[British accent] Quid. Two quid. Mate.
Ladies and gentlemen, one of my favorite actresses,
Judy Greer!
Judy!
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Sit your beautiful black ass down, Judy.
This is low.
-Are you from Detroit? -Yes.
I can tell by your... eight smile.
-Ohh! -Booooooo!
What do you mean "boo"? That was good!
Boo!
-Hey. Ohh! -Oh, my God! That was so loud.
Did you want a hot dog?
I don't eat hot dogs.
-Oh, really? -I mean, not those.
Well, you got to eat some [bleep] dogs, baby!
-[ Coughs ] -You seem on edge.
Aah!
Thank [bleep] God. I am starving.
[ Chuckles ]
[ Crunching ]
-You want a hot dog? -I don't.
You want any food?
No.
[ Applause ]
[ Hydraulics hissing ]
Oh. Oh! The coffee!
Oh. Yeah.
Aah!
Oh. [Bleep] Christ.
Let's switch this whole interview up, Johnny Depp style.
Oh. Okay.
Ohh!
[As Depp] You have to claim everything
when you go through Australian customs.
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I save every rat I find out there.
I don't have the heart to see 'em die.
♪ Rat ti-tee rat, rat, rat ♪
-I found this rat on the train. -[ Gasps ] What?!
I rescued it. A rat from the subway.
Come on, man!
He was dying, and I pushed on his chest to resuscitate him.
How you got it on you and shit?
I'm trying to find the original owner.
He's pissin' and shittin' all down my collar.
He's big, and he's clawing.
-I'm vegan. -♪ Rat ti-tee rat, rat ♪
Look at these frat guys. They always pass our drunk.
[ Zipping ]
[ Laughing ] Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
-What the [bleep]?! -It's my last day.
It's gonna be your last meal if you don't stop that shit!
Hey, what if a pregnant woman comes on?
Well, she don't want to see that little shit you got, either!
When you just leave "Catcher in the Rye"
next to 'em, cops think they're cuckoo when they wake up.
The [bleep] wrong with you?!
-You got a husband? -You say something about --
Okay, alright, alright. Hey, hey, hey.
You want a problem, you gonna get one.
Sorry. I think you're beautiful. I have a crush on you.
Secret's out. Okay.
♪ Touch my body, tease me like you ♪
Are you one of the most emotionally stable actors?
'Cause most actors are like, "Blblb! Where's my medicine?!"
They're like, "Right this way, Mr. del Toro."
Would you like to, in the future, if you're...
Yeah. You'll be okay.
Everything okay. Don't worry.
Don't worry right now.
It's -- Your future is okay.
Hey, you ever see that movie "Bird Box"?
Yeah.
Neither have I.
[ Laughing ]
[ Laughs ]
And we're back with Judy Greer.
[ Sniffle ]
I've been secretly videotaping
my nanny in my bathroom and I've been like
catching her sweet drippin's
in a secret jar
-Eww. -I built into my toilet.
Let's look at a clip of my nanny going
-Oh! -to the restroom.
You don't have that.
[ Urinating ]
[ Plopping ] [ Phone bloops ]
[ Cheering and applause ] [ Blowing horn ]
That's definitely illegal.
Check it out. [ Chuckle ]
It's my nanny's natural bobas.
Ugh.
[ Grunts ]
[ Exhales ]
You ever punish yourself?
[ Exhales ]
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Uhh...
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Okay, let me just check the receipt real quick. -Sure, go ahead.
Go for it.
Okay.
Let me just put some lo mein on these clothes.
Full disclosure... -Ah!
...I made too much.
What are you doing?!
I gotta get rid of this lo mein.
-What are you doing?! -This is the store policy.
What are you talking about?
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Why are you destroying the merchandise?
That's my grandmama's recipe, and it came
all the way from Sicily. -Are you kidding me?
Stop it! -Dude, don't blame me.
Blame social media. -No! Stop it!
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Here, you want some cigarettes?
Get away from me! I don't want that!
-They're mentholated. -I don't smoke.
This guy is standing here with [bleep] lo mein,
and he put lo mein in the bag
and, all of a sudden, he put lo mein in the bag.
It tastes great.
[ Slurp ]
Ladies and gentlemen,
Olympic figure skater
Adam Rippon!
[ Playing mariachi "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" ] ♪ Yeah-eah-eah-eah-eah ♪
-[ Bleep ] -Rippon.
Yeah.
What's up, Adam? You look great!
Thank you. I mean, you look great.
-Did you see "I, Tonya"? -I loved it.
What's your diet?
Did something fall?
Little bits of carpet.
Why was the carpet up there?
It's hard to say.
-What are you up to? -I just wrote a book.
How many pages?
Like 270.
[ Audience ohhs ] Should it --
Hey, whether you're Eve or Steve,
this Adam is one juicy apple,
and I wouldn't mind to take a bite.
Man: Yeah! [ Cheering and applause ]
[ Chuckle ]
That was really good. [ Suspenseful music plays ]
Oh! Holy [bleep]! -Oh, my --
Shit. There's some shit underneath the couch.
-It's broken. -No. -You have spiked boots.
You're supposed to be fearless.
-You're a strange cat with spiked boots. -No. I can --
Spiked boots.
You're supposed to be fearless.
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-You're supposed to be fearless. -Wait.
Oof. This coffee is
[ Audience gasps ]
[ Cheering ]
[ Laughter ]
What's wrong with this thing?
I told you to stop drinking that shit.
I'm still afraid to like sit in this chair.
It's all good. You're conquerin' your fears.
You livin' up to those spiked boots.
I heard they -- No, no, no, no, no.
-Look. Spiked boots. -Spiked boots!
-Spiked boots. -Spiked boots steppin' it up!
[ Laughing ]
I almost made this chair dirtier.
[ Audience ohhs ]
-Damn. -Oh, my God. I can't sit.
I can't -- -Let's have Hannibal Buress
play some tubular bells for us, huh?
[ Applause ]
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Aaah!
Aaaaaaah!
-Argh! -Ohhhhh!
[ Cheering and applause ]
And we are back with Adam Rippon.
Man: Yeah! [ Applause ]
What? Oh! Oh! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
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Okay, I'm Spriked up.
Sprite building's right across the street.
Voice: [ Whispering ]
Outta the way!
Yaah!
[ Thump, glass breaks ]
[ Suspenseful music plays ]
I tried to do a trick on a Citi Bike.
I-I'm gonna fall. -Oh, my God.
No, no, no, no, no. His leg is broken.
Help me! Help!
I tried to do a trick to get on Instagram,
to get a Sprite sponsorship to impress my son.
No, don't call the cops.
[ Ring ] My son's calling me.
Can you just grab it? That's my son calling.
Okay. Hello?
I'm just trying to coparent in a difficult situation
right now with the stepdad, Dennis,
and it got in my head before the jump.
Don't move!
[ Farts ] Aaaah!
Oh! Is he peeing on himself?
I shit blood. [ Farts ]
[ Thud ] Oh, thank God I got a Sprite.
You know, Sprite's a natural stringent.
Oh, dammit.
Help!
Sprite.
Ladies and gentlemen, Anderson Six Paak!
[ Applause ]
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Hey, bruv.
Hey. Oh.
Bruv, is that my cantaloupe? Bruv?
What are you doing with my cantaloupe, bruv?
What the [bleep] did you get into in England?
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[ Belches ] [ Cheering ]
Ladies and gentlemen, Anderson Paakquiao!
[ Sings indistinctly ]
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[ Sings indistinctly ]
I don't know.
Adam: I almost made this chair dirtier. [ Audience gasps ]
♪ Rat ti-tee rat, rat, rat ♪
[ Clang, drumroll ]