Gather 'round the fireplace and grab your hot cocoa,
-'cause it's time for a racist Christmas story!
Hello Internet, and welcome to Game Theory!
- The show that decided to hop on the movie bandwagon by making Pokemon Part: 3, Part: 2
Since you've all been such good little theorists,
This week is just a little stocking-stuffer to hold you over until the big presents arrive over the coming weeks
Call of Duty, Skyrim, Zelda-
They're all in the pipeline and they're pretty big episodes.
So, forgive me for the last few being a little shorter
But, enough looking ahead, today is about black-colored Christmas traditions
-And no, we're not talking about coal
So gather around as I read you my favorite Christmas tale: A Very Racist Jynx-mas
*Clears throat*
'A Very Racist Jynx-mas', by Matthew Patrick
Our story begins in a simpler time, 12 years ago, winter, 1999
When an episode of Pokemon aired on T.V on a long forgotten station, the 'WB'
It featured Jynx, dressed as Santa, stealing toys from the shelves
-And showed that the fatman used these things as elves
Creepy? Yes
But not unexpected for a show where
THIS
-went undetected
'Holiday Hi-Jynx' - the episode was called
But some in the audience were quite appalled...
One woman complained after the show, "That Jynx is a black cross-dressing hoe!"
The episode was banned - Jynx's skin changed from black
And, all because of some 'political attack'
But, was she right? Is Jynx offensive?
Perhaps, this woman was a wee bit defensive
Because, though we looked at fashion fads and Norse,
This episode may lead us to Jynx's true source
So let's move away from cartoons in Japan, to holiday traditions of Belgium and Netherlands
Where there isn't Santa Claus, but rather Saint Nick, Sinterklaas
-equipped with his pope hat and stick
This Santa doesn't come with little men in green tights,
Instead, his posse comes straight from the heights
Six to eight black men, he carries in tow, cast after their gig in 'Hustle & Flow'
Zwarte Piet, Black Peter, they're named
And around the lowlands, adults aren't ashamed to blacken their faces and rouge their lips
Dressed like a page(?) and travel on ships
You see, Saint Nick and Peter sail in from Spain, since living in the poles just doesn't seem sane
Zwarte comes first to bring Christmas joy: some candy, a cookie, a neat Christmas toy
But, if you've been bad, you'd better watch out!
You better not cry; you better not pout
Or Sinter[klass] and Pete will bring out their broom, and beat you with it, all locked up in your room
But that's not the worst - oh, no, my dear child
That's what you get when your sins have been mild
Just wait 'till you hear what's to be had for the little boy or girl who's really been bad
They're stuffed in a sack - kicking and screaming - hoping and praying that they're only dreaming
Once in the bag, they're carried to Spain, where family and friends never see them again
So let that be a lesson to all of you - beware of Santa and his urban crew
But, back on topic, is Jynx like Pete?
Let me pull out the comparison sheet:
Black skin, red lips, Santa's helping hand
But that's as far as the similarities stand
And, does it matter? 'Black P' ain't so great
-his racist heritage is currently under debate
Some stories say Zwarte began as a devil, taking black-faced portrayals to a whole 'nother level
Yes, of course, he's a much loved tradition
But does that excuse racism, post-abolition?
Like it or not, hateful portrayals live to this day
And, like Call of Duty, show no signs of going away
Lazy Mexicans, smart Asians, the cracker, the Jew
Of racial stereotypes, we know a slew!
But the holidays are special: a time of love and peace
A time to sit by the fire playing the latest release
But, shouldn't it also be a time when we set aside differences, as a single brotherhood of men?
Anyway, I'm sure by now, of rhyming couplets you're weary
So I'll end with this:
That's just me, and my game theory!
Merry Christmas!