-BOTH: Ki-Ya Karate Monsters! -What the hell is that?
-It's our favorite show. -Mom said we could watch it.
Did she really say that?
Are you gonna walk upstairs and ask her?
(thunder rumbles)
-No. -(theme song playing on TV)
NARRATOR (on TV): From a Shaolin monastery
in darkest Transylvania come helpful hell-spawn.
You like this now?
What about Planet Jackson and the Earth Brigade?
Dad, we don't watch that show anymore.
It's for babies.
-Kung Fu Werewolf chop! -Blob Jitsu kick!
Stop it. No Karate Monsters at the dinner table.
No Karate Monsters in the bathtub.
Ki-Ya Karate Monsters.
-Pill attack! -Actual-sword attack!
I've had it. No more Karate Monsters.
-Ki-Ya-- -(grumbles)
Damn it.
(Bart and Lisa laughing)
Finally, actual science.
(both groan)
You did it, baby.
You promised no fun, and you delivered.
(French accent) Ah, hello there.
I am Blaise Pascal, inventor of the probability theory.
What are the odds of meeting you here?
Excellent, I would say.
Silly Squirrel, do you know the probability
of winning the lottery?
I don't know.
Why, you are more likely
to be run over by a car.
Or be hit by lightning.
Guys, this science exhibit
told me how stupid it is to play the lottery.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. So you didn't buy our weekly ticket?
Are you nuts? You can't win if you don't play.
Yeah, I always go with three, the number of brothers and sisters
I, uh, Hunger Games-ed in the womb.
19 for me.
Uh, for the best year of my life, 1996.
And the winning numbers are...
three, 19,
22 and 69. (chuckles)
Oh, my gosh. We won.
We won the Springfield Lottery.
That's 200 grand. That's 50,000 bucks each!
I'll cash the ticket. Homer, Homer, you get the food.
I'll get mini dumpsters of wings from Garbage Wings.
Who cares? We got the money.
(laughing) I'm so happy.
I'm so happy.
To the best feeling in the world...
money.
What about you, Carl?
What are you gonna do with your share of the money?
(crowd murmuring)
Oh, uh, I guess Carl ain't back yet from cashing in the ticket.
I'm sure he just got held up in traffic.
Yeah, that's probably what happened.
Good old Carl's phone went straight to voice mail. Again.
(tires screeching)
The power of friendship is so amazing,
I don't feel at all suspicious of Carl.
-Carl's gone. -Our money's gone.
We've been betrayed. By good old Carl!
♪ Homer Simpson, Lenny, Moe, and... ♪
♪ And... ♪
And no one.
If I ever see that Carl again, I'm gonna freeze him,
chop him up into ice cubes, and scoop him into the urinal trough
at the Gathering of the Juggalos!
"I've gone home. Good-bye forever, Carl Carlson."
Where'd you go, Carl?
I still can't believe it was Carl who took your winnings.
I thought it would've been you.
Or you. Or you.
I know. Me, too.
It's the ultimate screw-over.
What country is he from?
-Uh... -Uh... I don't know.
You don't know where Carl is from?
Well, it don't matter no more, Midge.
Carl is gone, and we're already auditioning replacements.
This could not be more offensive.
Hey, hey, get that out of here!
I don't ever want to see that moolah-stealing jackpot thief again!
Wait a minute.
Something's reflected in the lenses of Carl's sunglasses.
He's looking at a geyser.
And there's a sign in front of it!
Oh... it's too small to read.
LENNY: "Strokkur Geysir."
Hmm.
The geyser is one of the most famous
natural wonders in Iceland.
Iceland keeps the most detailed family records
of any country in the world.
There! Carl was adopted...
You're going so far away.
I'll miss you.
Baby, I'm going for us.
That money is going to dig us a swimming pool
that'll take our broken family and make it whole.
We're not broken.
I can't wait to see the smile on Carl's face when we surprise him.
I call first hug.
Hey, Lenny, when are you gonna wise up?
Carl never wants to see us again.
The Vikings switched the names to trick everybody.
-(all laughing) -Those Vikings.
-That's pretty good. -Great gag!
Hey, Vikings, it's still pretty damn cold!
His name is Carl Carlson.
Carl Carlson!
His family has been hated for 1,000 years.
Why does everybody hate Carl's family?
MAN: Here's why.
This saga tells of how Carl Carlson's family
were the watchmen of the coast,
always keeping an eye out for invading hordes.
burning our sweaters, and feasting upon our tiny horses.
Apparently, screwing over your friends
is in Carl's blood-- his adopted blood.
All right, this is it, Carl's family home.
Twenty-two...
Ooh, phew, oh, that's a lot of letters.
(grunts) The gates are locked.
Well, then we'll just have to wait for him to come out.
(yawns) Oh, man, stakeouts are so boring.
I wish I had something to look at.
Well, I guess I'll just read the car rental contract again.
-It's Carl! Wake up, wake up! -BOTH: Huh?
♪♪
(tires screech)
Ah, damn it, we lost him!
There he is. And he's got our money!
(panting)
It's no use.
We're perfectly matched.
Give us some answers, or you'll get a mouthful
of rotten shark fermented in its own urine.
No, no, anything but the inedible,
repulsive food of my native land.
But I did it to clear my family's name.
Everyone blames the barbarian invasion on my ancestors.
But that saga had a missing page.
I took the lottery money to buy that page
and restore my family's honor.
Why didn't you just tell us? We're your friends.
I didn't tell you because... we're not friends.
(all gasp)
So all those years of hanging out meant nothing?
-Not to me. -Sorry, Lenny.
That's all right. Now we know.
It's all out in the open.
I guess it kind of makes it easier now for me to...
(grunting)
-Ow, my eye! -My eye!
-My eye! -My eye!
Hey, hey, hey, Lenny, forget him, forget him!
Look, we still got the money.
-LENNY: What the... -(Homer groans)
What the hell is this?
That's the missing page from the saga.
Maybe we'd give it back to our friend, but we're not friends, remember?
Sorry, Carl. It's World War II all over again.
America kicks Iceland's ass.
No!
♪♪
(computer chimes)
Hi, Homie! Did you get the money?
The kids have been stocking up on pool noodles.
Put the noodles in the shed.
There isn't gonna be a swimming pool.
That'll show Carl for de-friending us in real life!
I know Carl did you wrong,
but is destroying something he cares that much about
really going to make you feel good?
Okay, let's see what this thing says.
"When the barbarian invaders came,
the Carlsons met them with their weapons ready..."
LENNY: Wow, Carl's family really was brave.
and the volcano-ing of the village elders.
The Carlsons then wrote down this saga
so no one would ever forget their treachery and cowardice."
Carl betrayed his friends, blew the lottery money...
-all for nothing. -Hey, guys...
I think I feel bad for Carl.
Attention, everyone in Iceland.
We have an important announcement.
Take a break from your dreary lives
to hear Americans lecture you.
You have endured barbarian invasions, total financial collapse,
and a lesbian prime minister.
while I tell you about Carl Carlson.
Shame on Carl's family!
The blood of 1,000 tiny horses is on their hands.
Doesn't matter what happened 1,000 years ago,
Yeah, and when we were painting my house,
Carl Carlson brought that blue tape,
you know, that makes you really look like you know what you're doing.
You peel it off, and you got that super straight line there.
Carl Carlson is our friend, even if he doesn't believe it.
If we can forgive Carl for stealing our lottery winnings,
maybe youse can find it in youse's hearts
to forgive his ancestors.
Mom, Dad,
our family can show our face in public
for the first time in 1,000 years.
How can you say these men are not your true friends?
I... I can't!
(sobbing) I can't!
CROWD: Ai.