The problem with us... a lot of people is that we end up seeing
what the books of Fiqh say, without remembering that books of Fiqh
happen to be books of law. And we often in our interactions with one
another, we resolve to books of law when we disagree, when there's a
disagreement. In normal circumstances, we don't pull out
the books of law and say, look, it's halal me to do this. Look,
it's technically okay for me to force you into marriage. A man says
to daughter for instance, why? Because this might have said or
that might have said, etc. That's not the type of thing that these
people who are codifying Islamic law are even thinking. Because the
books of Islamic law were not accessible through Google searches
in the past, they were given to judges, literally the books of
Islamic law, they were primarily used for what they were used by
judges. And that's why in every country where the judicial system
would be based on one mazhab, the books of that mazhab would be
readily available, and the people would primarily study that mazhab
as well. Because through this mazhab, they would become lawyers
and judges, do you understand? So you don't bring the letter of the
law, when we're dealing with practical real life situations,
this is very, very important because many parents end up forcing
their daughters into marriage, just saying that, technically, based on
the letter of the law, I'm allowed to do this. And then the miskeena
she goes through a lot of trouble within her life. She hates her
father and hates her husband and hates everyone involved, because
she was forced into marriage. Right. So we say that, leave the
technicalities aside, look at what the Prophet is saying. He's saying
that a woman who has been in a relationship before she's a Ayyim
or a Thayyim, she is given the authority completely i.e. she has
the veto power, if her father wants to get married to someone else, as
for a woman who has not been in that relationship. She's a virgin,
then she should still be asked for permission. Now, they asked how do
we know she's giving the permission? O Prophet of Allah. The
Prophet (pbuh) said, An Taskut. That she's silent. Now, imagine
what the Prophet would say, if she's screaming out loud saying, I
don't want this man. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?
But people, they take the letter of the law and they say, you know
what, technically I'm right. The Sharia is on my side, even if it is
on your side, technicalities are not used in real life always. Okay.
This is very, very important to note. Technicalities just mean,
okay, this contract was valid. Doesn't mean it was the best thing
to do. Doesn't mean it was the most ethical thing to do doesn't mean
there was the best interest for your daughter, as well. That's why
what I encourage is that if you have a daughter, then give them an
opportunity to decide. They're going to be living the life. You
know, many parents, they're like, you know, we also have to make sure
the parents are right. Why? Because how are we going to have... your
you're not going to have a very long relationship anyways, with the
parents, the daughter is going to be all the time with that husband
and the husband will be most of the time with that wife as well. So let
them decide on their own. Even if you have a poor relationship with
the parent in laws, it doesn't really matter. What matters is that
the husband and the wife, they have a good relationship with each
other. That's what matters. You don't have to play footsies with
the parent in laws, okay, you don't have to be buddy buddies with them.
Many times you think that they're going to be great people, but later
on, you get into a fight as well. So how do you know? So that's why
let them decide. Let them come to an agreement if that family if that
individual is in the best interest of the daughter, and that girl
happens to be in the best interest interest of that man, then
Bismillah.