LIKE MY FELLOW MILLENNIALS--
( LAUGHTER ) AND I BELIEVE I AM A MILLENNIAL
BECAUSE I AM LESS THAN A THOUSAND YEARS OLD-- I'M A
TECHNOLOGY GEEG.
I DRIVE A TESLA, OWN AN APPLE WATCH, I SHAVE WITH FIVE
BLADES-- FIRST BLADE LIFTS, SECOND BLADE CUTS, THE OTHER
THREE BLADES TWEET MY SHAVING STATS.
GOT A NEW HIGH SCORE TODAY.
AND THE LUBRICATING STRIP MAKES IT ALL GOOD.
AND THE TECHNOLOGY OF ALL KIND CIEWND IS DRIVING THIS YEAR'S
ELECTION.
IN FACT, ONE OF MY GUESTS TONIGHT IS THE C.E.O. OF
SNAPCHAT, EVAN SPIEGEL.
HE'S BEEN CALLED THE STEVE JOBS OF SELF-ERASING GENITAL
PHOTOGRAPHY-- ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) YES, THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE,
SIR.
AND HE'S HAVING AN IMPACT IN 2016.
SOME IN THE MEDIA ARE ALREADY CALLING THIS CAMPAIGN THE
SNAPCHAT ELECTION.
AND IT'S TRUE-- CANDIDATES APPEAR AND, BEFORE YOU KNOW IT,
THEY'RE GONE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WHAT!
WHERE DID YOU GO?
AND IT'S NOT JUST SNAPCHAT.
FOLKS, THIS ELECTION IS ABOUT TO GET SHAKEN BY ANOTHER
SEE, THE DEMOCRATS HAVE THEIR FIRST DEBATE ON OCTOBER 13.
I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET THE CANDIDATES AND ALSO WHOEVER
THREE GUYS ARE DOWN HERE.
( APPLAUSE ) I DON'T KNOW WHO THAT IS.
I THINK THAT'S MADE UP.
ANYWAY, AND CNN IS PROMISING TO BRING THIS ELECTION IN YOUR FACE
BY PUTTING IT ON YOUR FACE.
>> SUSTAIN SUDDEN IS TURNING UP THE TECHNOLOGY AS WE GET DEEPER
INTO THE PRESIDENTIAL RACE.
NEXT MONTH IT WILL BREAK NEW GROUND BY LIVE STREAMING THE
NEXT PRIMARY DEBATE IN VIRTUAL REALITY WITH THE HELP OF A
VIRTUAL REALITY HEADSET USERS CAN ACTUALLY WATCH THE DEBATES
FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF AN AUDIENCE MEMBER.
>> Stephen: WHOO-HOO!
THE PERSPECTIVE OF AN AUDIENCE MEMBER.
YOUR VIEW CAN DP FROM THIS TO THIS.
( LAUGHTER ) AND IT'S REALLY EASY.
ANYONE WITH A SAMSUNG GEAR V.R.
HEADSET CAN PICK THEIR OWN POINT OF VIEW AND, EVEN BETTER, FOCUS
ON CANDIDATES WHILE THEY ARE NOT SPEAKING.
FOLKS, THE FUTURE WE WERE PROMISED BY "JOHNNY MNEMONIC,"
"VIRTUOSITY" AND YOUR CHILDHOOD VIEWMASTER HAS FINALL ARRIVED
BECAUSE I BELIEVE-- BECAUSE WE'VE ALL DREAMT OF A
FULLY IMMERSIVE ENVIRONMENT WHERE WE COULD WATCH LINCOLN
CHAFEE TAKE NOTES WHILE SOMEONE ELSE TALKS.
AND THIS TECH PUTS YOU IN THE CENTER OF THE ACTION.
IT'LL FEEL LIKE YOU'RE SEEING HILLARY CLINTON RIGHT IN FRONT
OF YOU, BUT SHE'S NOT ACTUALLY THERE-- JUST LIKE THE REAL
HILLARY CLINTON!
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
YEAH, YEAH.
I CAN'T WAIT TO EXPERIENCE A DEBATE LIKE THIS.
AND LUCKILY I DON'T HAVE TO BECAUSE SAMSUNG GAVE ME MY OWN
PAIR OF V.R. GOGGLES.
IT IS ABSOLUTELY FREE.
GOOD TO BE ME.
ANYWAY, AND I DO NOT HAVE TO WAIT FOR OCTOBER 13, BECAUSE CNN
CAPTURED THE LAST REPUBLICAN DEBATE WITH THIS TECHNOLOGY AND
HAS MADE IT AVAILABLE FOR DOWNLOAD NOW.
YES, WITH THESE BAD BOYS STRAPPED ON I CAN SUMMIT
EVEREST, FLY ON A DRAGON OR STAND 20 FEET AWAY FROM MIKE
HUCKABEE.
THAT-- THAT ADVENTURE IS USUALLY RESERVED IF FOR A DUGGAR.
OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
I'M READY TO GET EXPANSIONAL.
IT'S GO TIME.
I'LL PUT THIS BAD BOY ON.
OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
I GOT THIS THING.
ARE WE FIRED UP HERE?
LET ME START UP THE REPUBLICAN DEBATE.
WOW!
LOOK AT THAT ( BLEEP ).
IT REALLY FEELS LIKE I'M SITTING AND WATCHING SOMETHING!
I CAN SEE ON TV.
THERE'S THE BACK OF ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER'S HEAD.
IT KIND OF LOOKS LIKE THE FRONT OF HIS HEAD.
WOW, IT'S KIND OF WEIRD BEING HERE IN PERSON ON TV.
YOU KNOW WHO'S IMPORTANT BECAUSE THE CAMERA'S POINTED AT THEM,
AND WHOEVER'S ON SCREEN SEEMS IMPORTANT AND KIND OF SEXY.
BUT NOW I CAN SEE ALL THE CAMERAS AND THE LIGHTS AND THE
SOUND GUYS.
THIS ISN'T SEXY.
THIS IS LIKE I'M WATCHING SOMEBODY SHOOT A PORNO.
I'M GOING TO HAVE TO START WATCHING THESE DEBATES WITH MY
PANTS OFF.
BUT I GOTTA SAY, IT REALLY WORKS.
IT REALLY FEELS LIKE I'M HERE, LIKE CAN REACH OUT AND ACTUALLY
TOUCH RAND PAUL'S HAIR.
OH, IT'S LIKE STROKING A LIBERTARIAN LABRADOODLE.
OH, THE DEBATE IS STARTING.
THE DEBATE'S STARTING.
OKAY.
HEY, BUDDY, HOW LONG DOES THIS THING GO?
THREE HOURS.
TO HELL WITH THAT, I'M PLAYING "CANDY CRUSH."
HOLD ON ONE SECOND HERE.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T USE MY PHONE HERE?
NO, YOU GO TO HELL JAKE TAPPER.
YOU'RE NOT EVEN REAL.
I'M OUT OF HERE.
FORGET THIS THING.
BARTENDER, I'D LIKE A BOURBON AND SODA, PLEASE.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
I SEE YOU'VE GOT THE DEBATE ON THE TV OVER THERE.
( APPLAUSE )
MIND IF I CHANGE THAT TO SOMETHING MORE INTERESTING, LIKE
THE SURGERY CHANNEL?
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
WELL, HELLO THERE, LITTLE LADY.
MIND IF I HAVE A FEW OF YOUR CHEESE FRIES?
MMM.
THOSE ARE DELICIOUS.
DID YOU SEE THAT GUY ON TV WHO WAS PETTING RAND PAUL'S HEAD?
THAT WAS ME.
OH, HELLO, OFFICER.
WAS THIS YOUR SEAT.
I'M SORRY.
OH, IS THIS YOUR CHEESE FRIES?
AND IS THIS YOUR WIFE.
GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME, SIR!
I WILL GET YOU MORE CHEESE FRIES.
I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE.
LUCKILY MY DRAGON IS NEARBY.
RETHGOR THE BLACK, COME TO ME, COME!
RETHGOR, WE MUST HEAD TO A DARK AND TREACHEROUS LAND, IOWA.
I HEAR BERNIE SANDERS IS HAVING A MEET AND GREET.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JOHN OLIVER AND ED SHEERAN!