-Our next guest is a talented director, writer, and actor
you know from movies like "Clerks,"
"Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back," and "Dogma."
His new show, "Masters of the Universe: Revelation,"
is streaming on Netflix.
Let's take a look.
-Grayskull is not the prize I'm after.
♪♪
This castle is merely a shell.
The pearl I seek is trapped inside.
So I'm not here to take the castle.
I've come to tear Grayskull down,
stone by stone!
-Please welcome back to the show our friend Kevin Smith.
How you are, Kevin?
-I am excellent, sir.
We are coming to you live from the set of "Clerks 3."
No, I don't always dress like this,
only when we're making a movie and stuff.
Brian O'Halloran with me. Jason Mewes here.
I got the whole cast and crew behind me.
And we got a special message for you, man,
because in Hollywood, you just burn money and time.
And we had so much of both, we did this.
Ready? Watch this. Count of three, everybody.
One, two, three.
-Hi, Seth Meyers!
-Wow! -Alright, everybody go to lunch.
Thank you very much. -Bye, Brian. Bye, Jason.
That was a -- That's like -- It's like looking at
a "Clerks" renaissance fair.
-It really is, to a large degree.
Could you hold the mic real quick?
I just wanted to show you this feature, okay?
Like, this is me as Silent Bob. -Yeah.
-Watch how easy -- Like, this is movie magic right here.
-Yeah. -Here we go.
Just like that. -Wow! Kevin!
It's Kevin, guys. He is here.
-I know -- you couldn't recognize me before,
but this is -- I appreciate you doing this, man,
via Zoom and whatnot,
because something happened to me a few months ago
and I said -- I instantly called my agent
and said please book me on "Seth Meyers."
Because I watch the show all the time,
and in my head and heart,
we're, like, good friends.
And I know we're not, but, like,
nothing happens to me unless I share it with you.
So, something happened to me at the periodontist,
and I called up my agent.
I said can you book me on "Meyers"?
And it was like months ago. Months ago.
But I was like, "I'll wait."
And then it happened, but we were making "Clerks 3,"
which I've been trying to make for seven years.
So the logic was, cancel out on "Meyers,"
but I was like, "What are you, mad?"
Like, it doesn't work.
Nothing happens unless it happens on "Meyers."
So, even though I've been trying to make this movie
seven years, I said, "Everything goes on hold
so I can do this interview," man, because it means the world.
-And I just want to tell you how excited I am to hear this story,
because a lot of people want to come on
and they want to plug a project.
But the fact that you're here to plug the fact that you went to
the periodontist means the world to me.
-Well, first, before I even say that,
can I tell you a quick story about the wife?
So, you know I'm a fan, and so I watched "Lobby Baby"
by myself late at night, smoking weed,
and it was amazing.
And it was so good that I was like,
"I think my wife will get into this."
Because quite like you, as a comedian, you prop up your wife.
You're not one of those "I can't believe I'm married."
You're like, "I can't believe she married me."
So, I said, "She is going to love this special."
So, I sit down with my wife and watch the special,
and she absolutely loves it.
But this is her review.
This is what she says at one point.
She goes, "Oh, his wife is so lucky.
He's funny and cute."
And at that point, I'm like, "What?
So what? I'm just funny?"
And she's like, "Well, sometimes.
He's funny all the time."
And at that point, even though, like, I consider you my buddy,
I threw shade right away, man,
'cause I was like, "Look, the Meyerses don't have it all.
Have you ever seen their dog?
Their dog -- it looks like the dog that Frasier's --
Maris got, you know?"
Like, you never saw Maris, but you did see the dog.
But I was like -- You know,
I'm trying to make "Frasier" the new "M-A-S-H",
If not the new "Star Trek: The Next Generation."
Alright, here's my periodontist story.
So, I just turned 51, right? But I was 50 when this happened.
It was a few months ago.
So, I went to the dentist to get a cleaning.
I thought I hadn't, like, had a cleaning in two years.
And I got in the room. He was like, "Seven.
You haven't had a cleaning in seven years."
And I was like "Alright."
So, he goes to take --
-He goes, "I've been trying to have you get a cleaning
since you've been trying to make the next 'Clerks.'"
-Pretty much. Pretty much the same time.
So, he takes pictures of my mouth.
He leaves the room -- never a good sign.
Then he comes back in and he goes,
"Well, I got bad news and worse news."
I was like, "Oh, what do I got? Gingivitis?"
He goes, "You wish you had gingivitis."
He's like, "You got periodontal disease."
I was like, "What you are talking about?"
He's like, "Yeah, man, your mouth is just rotting
under your jawline.
We got to go to work. We got to pull some teeth."
And I'm like, "What are you talking about?"
He's like, "It's just -- It's periodontal disease.
Irreversible.
You'll have it for the rest of your life.
It's like luggage or herpes, man.
You're going to carry it forever."
And stuff like that.
So, I said, "Man, how did this happen?"
I was cursing myself.
I was like, "I should have brushed my teeth more."
And that's when the periodontist let me off the hook.
He's like, "Listen, man,
you could have brushed all you wanted.
You were always going to be here in my office one day."
And I said "Why?" And he goes, "This is genetics."
And right away, I got to blame my mom.
I called her up and I was like, "You gave me bad hips --
big child-bearing hips, a bad heart, and a bad mouth."
So, I said, "What do you mean, like, genetic?"
And he goes, "Basically, it's because of your parents.
Your mouth is hard at work
because you have a hyperimmune system."
And I was like, "What are you talking about?
What is that?"
He goes, "It's exactly what it sounds like.
Basically, like, whenever you get a little something,
your body goes after it in a big, bad way."
He was like, "Do you get sick often?"
I said "No.
I'm kind of like Bruce Willis in
that one M. Night Shyamalan movie."
And he was like, "Alright. So, which one?"
And I said, "You know, 'Unbreakable.'"
He goes, "Oof, thank the Lord. Not, you know --"
-Not "Sixth Sense," right.
-Thank you very much. Totally. -Not where you're dead.
-So, in any event, man,
I was just like, "So, what are we looking at here?"
And he's like, "The idea is, when your body
encounters a foreign substance, it attacks it
with everything as if, like, you're defending yourself
against a mouse, but with a bazooka."
And I said, "Well, is that good?"
And he goes, "Yeah, because, do you ever get sick?"
And I was like, "Not really." And he goes, "That's good."
He's going, "The only problem is, in your mouth, there's been
this war that's going on your entire life."
And I said "Why?"
And he goes, "Because you have bacteria in your body
that your body has been fighting,
and it's fighting so hard, it's chewing out your jawline."
And I was like, "What is this bacteria?"
And he goes, "It's a part of your biofilm.
It's been with you since you were born."
Instantly, when he says "biofilm,"
I'm like, "I got to talk to Meyers, man.
Has he ever heard of this?
'Cause he's, like, the smartest guy I know."
-It makes me so happy
that you thought about me during this time.
-While this was going on.
While a man was in my mouth,
I was thinking about Seth Meyers.
It's that simple.
So, I said, "What is this biofilm?"
He goes, "Well, when you're in utero,"
he's going, "you're completely germ-free.
You're in a germ-free environment.
But the moment you're born,
bacteria is introduced to your system.
That is how you build your immune system.
And that bacteria is part of your biofilm.
You carry it forever" and stuff.
And I was like, "Well, what happens?
Is it like when you come out the chute,
like, you hit the air
and you breathe them for the first time?"
And he goes, "Oh, no, no.
The bacteria you pick up,
you pick up in the mother's birth canal."
And, so, I was like, "Wait a second.
You're telling me I'm at the periodontist
and I got to get teeth ripped out
because my mother is still in my mouth?"
And he's like, "Oh, yeah.
You've been fighting that since you were born, Kev."
And I said, "This hyperimmune system --
it couldn't do anything for me?"
I said, "Like, am I like Wolverine?"
And he goes, "Well, wait a second.
Do you have abs?"
And I lifted up my shirt, and, Seth, I don't have any.
I don't have ab one, let alone plural.
So, I said "No." And I said "Why?"
And he goes, "Well, I think of Wolverine, I think of abs."
He's going, "But you don't have abs,
so you're definitely not Wolverine."
And he went in and took the teeth out and stuff like that.
P.S., the story though, before I had the procedure,
he says this, man.
He goes, "Listen, this is going to be five hours,
and we put you under."
I said, "I can't wait."
And he goes, "But the problem is, that's a long time.
So you might have to go the bathroom."
And I was like, "I'll go before we -- the operation."
He goes, "Well, you could do that."
He goes, "Or we have something you could use."
And I'm thinking like,
"Are they going to catheterize me for this?
Like, is there a tube or something like that?"
I said, "What you are talking about?"
And he goes, "Listen, you know,
we start our lives wearing these.
Sometimes, we end our lives wearing these."
And I was like, "Are you offering me an adult diaper
to get my teeth worked on?"
He goes, "No shame whatsoever. Just let it flow."
I said, "I think I can hold it."
And, Seth, like a big boy, I held it.
-I -- On behalf of everyone here,
we're so proud of you.
-Thank you. Is Scollins proud?
-Scollins is fully tuned out at this part of the show.
But I want to say, though, we've run out of time.
You've done a wonderful job plugging periodontistry.
And -- But I want to say a few things.
And I do want you to come back soon,
'cause "Masters of the Universe"
you've done a great job adapting.
You have a new book that I think everybody should read.
I'd like to talk about these. I'd like you to come back.
I'm really happy you're doing "Clerks 3."
It's always such a pleasure.
And I still have your weed,
and one day, we're going to smoke it, okay?
-That means the world, man, that it's still there.
I watch every episode to see if it's in the cup
the way Howard Shore watches every episode of
"Saturday Night Live" to make sure
they're still using his theme music.
So I've been watching. Thank you for carrying it.
-You're not getting any -- whatever -- residuals.
"Masters of the Universe: Revelation"
is streaming on Netflix.