Have a seat, everybody.
Sit down.
People looking for seats again.
People shift.
Everyone moves over when they clap.
The wind of the clapping moves them.
One day I'm going to remove a chair
and watch you fight for that last chair.
Will be stressful for you, but fun for me to watch.
Speaking of stressful, let me tell you
something that happened to me last night.
I was having a fly problem.
Not like a fly on my pants on a zipper.
The buzzing around kind of fly that--
and she was buzzing around all night long.
I was trying to sleep.
By the way you see I did that?
It's she.
Yeah.
I made my housefly a she.
I'm very progressive like that.
The future is female and so is the housefly.
Now I've said this before, but I don't know why-- we named them
house flies.
And maybe if we'd named them outdoor
flies they would know where they're supposed to be.
But they feel entitled to be in because we gave them that name.
I don't know why they want to be in our house so bad.
It really is ridiculous.
It's me and Portia and our seven animals
and an open jar of honey and a compost pile of banana peels.
And that-- and for some reason they want to be in the house.
Anyway, I wanted to get this fly out of the house
because it was in the house.
And I didn't want to hurt it, though.
So I said Portia, kill the fly.
And she didn't want to hurt it either.
And long story short, we live with a fly now.
It's a rescue fly.
So we tried to shoo it out, and that never works.
They buzz around, they stay at the window,
and then when you go to open the window,
they go the other direction to see the rest of the house.
Like I haven't seen the bathroom yet.
Like you know.
And as soon as you're trying to get that one out,
two others came in, and then you started thinking,
you know who I wish is here now?
Is that spider I killed last week.
That did know what to do.
The cats sometimes would kill something,
but our cats are lazy.
And they know they're rich they're just sitting around.
Normally when there's a fly in the house what I do
is I sell the house, and I just sell it and buy a new one,
and I get the money from the new owner
and then I run around away going, see ya, suckers.
There's a fly in the house.
But I like this house, so I'm not-- this is my forever house.
And I call it that something to keep it for four more weeks.
And fortunately all of you, there's no flies in here
at all.
There's toxic mold that keeps them away.