this is how it's done grandma
i can feel it the power to change
[Music]
not long from now in a galaxy
theoretically exactly where we are
humanity goes to war with an alien
covenant
so the united nations space command came
up with a ton of plans to win
and one of those was called project
freelancer
essentially an experiment using ai to
create invincible super soldiers
in order to fabricate scenarios to train
these highly advanced warriors
freelancer opted for a unique
approach dumping a bunch of losers in a
box canyon and telling them they're at
war with each other
enter the red team dick simmons dexter
griff
franklin delano donut lopez the heavy
and their leader
super colonel sarge yes that is his full
name and rank
you know how they say prejudice is
taught not born
well they haven't met super colonel
sarge who i bet was screaming how much
he hates blue
the second he pumped into the world
attention blue team
this is the red team we are here to
destroy you
your long reign of being the shittiest
team around is about to come to a sudden
cataclysm again once an orbital drop
shock trooper sarge was unfortunately
discharged after
developing a fear of heights only to be
picked up by project freelancer to
achieve his dream
lead the glorious reds against the dirty
blues
oh man he's great he seems like the kind
of guy you could just
have a catch with sure sarge may be an
unorthodox leader but he knows his men
very well hey he's good enough to keep
dorks like griffin simmons around for
17 seasons and those two spend a lot of
time together
it's a complicated relationship though
you may be surprised at their
capabilities
simmons may be a brilliant geek like
myself but he proves stereotypes wrong
by changing his armored suit in just
four seconds well how about this how did
you change so fast
i've always been a fast changer mjolnir
armor is designed to be applied by
spartans within a considerable few
minutes
this would imply simmons is 90 times
faster than the average super soldier
he's also technically a cyborg but
everyone forgets that these days
meanwhile griff is the laziest member of
the team who only cares about pizza and
oreos
he's my favorite he's also been hit in
the nuts more times than i can count
and he's still standing today and some
balls of steel right there
then there's donut easily duped but
always a joy
he's clearly identifiable by his
lightish red armor
where's your eyes going bad that's pink
magenta
donut has shown incredible tenacity he
was once
shot through the chest causing his armor
to lock up and was left
bleeding out on the ground for over a
year
but he got better and he's got the best
throwing arm around
he threw a grenade halfway across the
canyon
which is over 1500 feet long and last of
all
is the team robot who hates everyone
lopez
[Music]
that robot looks like lopez hey
regresado ah no matter how many times
they rebuild him they can never figure
out how to fix that language setting
oh well hey i know some spanish hem
yo como jesus de pero uh
what are you trying to say they will
cover the blue team next time
sure right uh in a couple days hero
means blue