- Pumpkin spice is back, baby!
Sweater weather and fall leaves are right around the corner.
If being basic is wrong, I don't wanna be right.
I'd like a medium coffee, please.
- [Barista] Sir, we call that a Grande here.
- As I said, I'll take a medium American coffee.
Thank you.
All right, what's the best drink for a pre-workout?
I'm looking for something strong.
I wanna feel energized and focused,
but I don't wanna have to worry about, like,
pooping my pants on the leg press or something like that,
you know what I mean?
'Cause the gym isn't gonna let me back if I do it again.
I make much better coffee at home
for a fraction of the price.
The only reason I'm here right now
is because my burr grinder broke this morning.
So get me a Venti with no room
and wipe that (beep)-eating grin off your face.
I'm trying to keep it simple, so I'm just gonna get
a skinny soy cinnamon latte, emphasis on the skinny,
with two pumps of sugar-free vanilla with no foam.
Actually, you know what?
Yes to the foam, and do a little latte art in it.
Maybe like a heart. That would be great.
Oh no, I'm just waiting for my order.
Yeah, they're probably hard at work on it now.
I don't wanna like interrupt them and upset the process.
But, uh, yeah, it normally doesn't take half an hour
for a cold brew.
You guys really suckered me into being a frequent customer
with the Star Rewards.
Even now that you changed it
so I have to buy more crap to get fewer stars,
and then use way more stars to get a drink,
I keep coming back.
At this point, I'm really just trying to find ways
to exploit the rewards system just to get back at you.
I always order ahead with the mobile app.
Standing in line is for suckers.
Plus, when I pick up my drink,
I sometimes "accidentally" take a pastry
that I "mistakenly thought" was mine.
Tell me the truth here, is the secret menu really a thing?
Like, do you know how to make the Mermaid Frappuccino?
The Chocolate Dalmatian?
The Caramel Snickerdoodle Machiatto?
The Cha Cha Latte?
Okay, I'm gonna give it 60 more seconds,
and then I'll say something
about how long my order is taking.
(smooth Latin music)
Actually, let me give it 60 more seconds.
Uh, hey, uh, can I get a large...
Crap, I rehearsed this all morning.
How come you guys charge four bucks for a fricking coffee?
What makes it so special? Is it the beans?
Or is the high price to cover
the extra time it takes you to burn the coffee?
Okay, well what about the Ferrero Rocher Frappe?
Or the infamous Purple Drank?
Uh, if it's not too much trouble,
could I get some almond milk?
I mean, no big deal or anything.
I'm lactose intolerant, so if I drink milk,
I'll be in agony for hours.
But you know what, actually I don't wanna bug you,
so just don't worry about it, I'll drink the milk.
It'll be fine.
Oh, I think that one's mine.
Oh wait, no, they're giving it to the girl
who just ordered five seconds ago.
Okay.
Uh, excuse me, could you, like, move over?
I'm trying to get a picture of my PSL for Instagram
with the display in the background,
and you're, like, messing up the shot.
Thank you. That's perfect.
#PumpkinSpiceAndEverythingNice, #SipHappens.
I mean, I prefer local mom and pop cafes for sure,
but it's hard to beat sitting here for eight hours,
working on your laptop with the free wifi,
spreading out all your papers
as though this is your own personal office.
My favorite thing is
asking random strangers to watch my stuff
while I go to the bathroom for 10 minutes.
I heard if I give you
a McChicken Sandwich and a double cheeseburger,
you'll blend it up in a latte.
Is it true?
Can't a man enjoy his Caramel Macchiato
without your judgment?
Yeah, I know it's something a little girl would order,
but you know what?
I deserve it.
It's pumpkin spice season already.
Consumerism.
The only constant other than death continues its cycle.
Only a matter of time before the holiday cups come out,
and then we begin again on an endless loop of seasonal menus
for the rest of our useless lives.
Mm, tasty nutmeg!
You really know your secret drinks. I am truly impressed.
- [Barista] So what can I get for you?
- Yeah, I'll just take a scone.
Hey guys, I know this is, like,
a big inconvenience since you're about to close,
but I ordered a cold brew about six hours ago,
and I never got it.
- [Barista] Uh, it's right there.
It's been there the whole time.
Sir, are you okay?
- If you wanna own some of these cool designs
to wear on your own body,
the link is in the description.
You can be repping your favorite YouTube channel,
which is this one.
(twangy guitar music)
What is this Italian?
Wow, that character was mean. (laughs)
It's something a 15 year old girl..
Girl would order.
Sip happens.