Today, I'm gonna share 10 ways to have a meaningful birthday celebration for your child.
At the end of these 10 steps, I'm gonna share with you, the gift that we gift each child
for every single birthday.
Stick with me till the end if you want a fool proof idea for a beautiful birthday gift for
your children too.
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every Monday.
I'm Avital, mindful parenting coach and mother of four.
I have been blessed to help thousands of parents reclaim presents, peace, and play for their
family.
Slam on the like button and let's do this.
We typically do very minimal, almost non existent celebrations for our one year, old and two
year, even our three year old.
It's really going to be, just about the immediate family getting together and enjoying a dessert
or something, or a little hike in the woods.
At that age, almost any type of celebration is going to overwhelm the children.
If you want to celebrate for yourself with your friends, that's great.
Having a full on birthday party for a very young child is often going to be overkill,
and actually be stressful for them, which is not what we were going for.
Take everything I'm saying here with a pinch of salt, or a spoonful of sugar, and figure
out what works in your context.
Number two is to decide on the purpose of your celebration.
This might sound a little, bit weird.
Well, the purpose is to have birthday celebration.
I've been reading the book, Gathering, by Priya Parker.
In it, she explains that a birthday celebration is a category of event, it's not a purpose
for the event.
A purpose for the event might be very different from one family to the next.
For some of us, a birthday celebration's purpose might be about filling our children up with
love, showing them how special they are, and celebrating them.
That party will look one way, and will lead to a certain set of choices.
The purpose might instead be, to celebrate the year that's past, and to reflect on all
of, the milestones and the growth that they've had.
That party celebration will look very different.
A third might be to surrounding them with the people that they love and the role models,
and the community that we want them to feel a part of.
Again, a very different approach.
As you're deciding on how to celebrate your children's birthday, just reflect on what
you're trying to accomplish.
What are the feelings, messages, and value that you're trying to impart through this
gathering.
It will really be helpful in deciding and deciphering, the rest of the choices that
you need to make.
Number thee is to choose a venue that feels, that it aligns with the purpose of your gathering.
Where would your child feel like, this is most about me?
This is most about my, you know, hopes and dream.
Now, I think all of us want that a little, bit.
We want a little bit of that feeling in a birthday celebration.
We're here to celebrate you and to make you feel special.
Maybe it's about a class that your child loves, or a place that your child loves to go, that
wouldn't be overstimulating or overwhelming.
Often, children's birthday parties are so over kill, in an attempt to create a marketplace,
where parents are paying so much for the entertainment, for the food, for the activities, it becomes
overstimulating.
It doesn't end up being about that child having a good time, and being surrounded by people
that love them, it ends up being about the place, about the venue and the activity and
the entertainment.
It becomes, really just a marketing transaction, rather than a celebration that's more pure
and more connected with that unique child and their needs.
If you're child doesn't like being the center of attention, gets shy, or only likes being
with small groups of people, or even just with one friend, consider that when you're
choosing your venue.
Thinking about birthday parties in this way, is a very good idea, because I know from experience
that you can end up spending too much money, creating an event that you didn't even enjoy,
your child was overwhelmed by and didn't enjoy, and was bad for the planet as well.
Give me a love in the comment, if you know what I'm talking about.
Hit that like button, if this has happened to you.
Number four is to choose fun and meaningful activities.
If your child's into animals, or into dancing, or trains, or ninjas, or vacuum cleaners (That
one was for you Maxine).
How can this celebration be about that, about celebrating their interests, their desires,
their fun, their themes, or perhaps just about creating fun between them and the people that
they love.
I want you to remember that some of the best activities are homemade and absolutely free.
If you want a whole list of creative, homemade and some of them are free ideas for your birthday
party, then download my meaningful birthday guide, which is linked here in the description
box below.
In it, I'm going to give you lots of different ideas, of ways that you can fun activities,
fun themes that celebrate your child, and that just connect between people.
A lot of them are gonna hark back to old fashioned games.
I would love it, if you would share in the comments below, what were the games that you
played as a child, especially at birthday parties, that you love to do.
Things like pin the tail on the donkey, musical chairs, pass the parcel, and Simon says.
These are fan favorites, and they've become classics for good reason.
In recent years, we've somehow lost touch with, this simple and super fun approach to
birthdays.
Another thing is, to have the children themselves, be very active members of creating that entertainment.
Face painting, for example.
Maybe your child wants to be the face painter.
If you're having a Simon Says game, maybe your child wants to be the one who does, Simon
Says.
If you're having a jam session, maybe your child wants to play a musical instrument or
do the dancing.
You could have a movie night, or a bubble party, or a bring-your-own-wheels party and
have everyone riding their scooters, and skateboards together.
There are so many, different ways to do it in a, creative way in a, free way, in a, homemade
way and in a way that your child can take pride in the celebration itself and in the
themes, activities that have been planned out.
Number five is, to make the preparations with your child.
If you're making a cake for example, having them bake it with you.
If you're sending out invitations, having them choose the theme on Evite, or write out
the wording with you.
Having them be involved in the guest list decision, if that can make sense.
Having them taking ownership ... This is an amazing learning opportunity, learning about
how we balance a budget, how we plan an event, how we host, how we word our invitations,
how we make decisions based on eco friendliness, or based on budget, or based on the weather.
So often children show up to their own birthday parties with zero insight to what it takes
to put that together and to make those decisions.
I feel that, that's a lost learning opportunity.
Plus, when they take ownership in a process like this, they're much more likely to be
grateful for it, to be aware of what goes into it, and not to feel so spoiled and entitled,
like they just show up, like the king.
Making the preparations with your child also means preparing them emotionally for what's
coming.
Just walking through what to expect, what to be aware of.
Things like, "Your friends might touch all your toys when they come to your home.
Do you wanna put some of those toys away?"
Things like, "We have a guest who has allergies, and therefore we all need to wash our hands
and be careful, not bring any nut products," et cetera.
Even if your celebration is very minimalistic and low key, the magnitude of being the birthday
boy or girl, can sometimes overwhelm children.
Just preparing them emotionally for what to expect, and then really letting go and accepting
whatever it is, whatever it comes and just focusing on having a flowing good day.
Just do your very best, not to be yelling at them, and being tense with them on their
special day, because it will derail all of your efforts, to have made them feel loved
on that day.
Number six is to be an active host or hostess.
Again, from the book, Gathering, by Priya Parker, I have learned the importance of having
generous authority when you're a host.
Being a good host, or hostess means that you include your guests, that you show them what
is expected of them and that you help them to overcome the obstacles to participating
in the party.
If for example, there are children that are shy, it means making them feel at home.
If there are guests that don't know each other, it means introducing them to each other.
Hopefully, if you're having a children's birthday party, most of the people are close to your
child and they know everyone.
It's also a great opportunity to teach them to be a good host and to include different
members of their community together, to build bridges between people, because often children
can get cliquey or stick to only one friend.
If there's just a neighbor, or someone who's not part of the school, or someone who doesn't
know the rules to the game, they can feel very left out.
This is a great opportunity to aware of that and to model good hosting.
Number seven is to think on your approach to food.
I know that birthday parties are typically a sugar fest.
I definitely let my guard down a lot about what we usually eat when it comes to birthdays.
You don't have to.
You can maintain your healthy approach to food, even during your children's birthday
celebration.
I will give you a list of great ideas for healthy snacks and the meaningful birthday
guide, so make sure to download that.
If you have ideas for healthy snacks, please comment here.
What I wanted to say is, yes, we do let our guard down a little, bit.
We certainly have some icing on the cake, and that kind of thing.
We have a cake.
We have sugary foods.
Just like everyone else, being pumped full of sugar, doesn't bring out the best in children.
It's something we want to be aware of.
Next, I want you to think on your approach for gifts.
If you're at all interested in minimalism, which you probably are, or you wouldn't be
here, then you probably don't want a ton of plastic-y, junky gifts being flooded into
your children on their birthday.
You do need to let go and accept that some people are simply going to bring gifts, and
they're not going to be the type of gifts that you particularly want in your home.
That's okay.
It's a beautiful problem to have, that people are giving us gifts.
All we need to do is say, "Thank you so much," and that's fine.
If you do want to be a little bit, proactive about directing people to the type of gifts
that would most serve your family, if you send out an invitation ... I highly recommend
going with an eco friendly invitation, such as an evite, then you can actually word, what
type of gifts or what your gift policy is.
Now, I've never done a no gift at all policy, because I feel like, we're part of a culture
where children expect gifts for their birthdays.
Adults expect to give gifts for their birthdays.
That's okay.
We can try to create more of an awareness around the types of gifts that we give.
In a separate video I've mentioned that I don't give gifts to other children.
That means that I don't go out and buy new plastic toys for them.
We could always give them something, right?
We can give them a homemade piece of art.
We can give them a letter.
We can give them an experience.
We can give them some kind of toy or object that does make sense, or a toy or object that
is pre-loved, that is second hand.
We can give them money to spend either on their future investments and savings, or on
something that they're saving for now.
For this last birthday party, we went with the Fiver birthday party approach.
I'll give you the wording that we used for our birthday invitation.
Something along the lines of, "Johnny is so blessed to have all of, the things that he
needs.
He's really saving up for this big ticket item, such as a large Lego set, or a bicycle.
Please feel free to bring no gifts at all.
If you do want to gift him something, then perhaps five dollars or less.
Just put in an envelope, would help him to save towards this gift.
In Canada, this is known as the toonie birthday party, because they offer two Canadian dollars.
Make it the sum that makes sense within your culture.
Five dollars or less sounds too much, make it less, or make it more, depending on what's
going on where you live.
It should be a small and almost insignificant amount of money for your guests, but something
that when pooled together, is a significant amount that can cover at least part of the
cost of something that your child's really coveting.
You can also ask that all gifts be second hand, or pre-loved, or that they simply be
handmade cards.
You can say that we would love to spend time with you, rather than to get more things,
so if you could give us a coupon for a play date.
If you want more ideas for wording on this, just download that guide below.
Number nine is to consider meaningful party favor options.
Now, you actually don't have to do party favors.
In fact, if you're having a minimalistic gathering with just family members, then it's wonderful
to cross this one off your list.
If you love doing something crafty and fun for party favors, and if it's something that
is accepted and expected in the culture where you're at, then you'll probably want to send
going home gifts.
You could consider a going home gift that is linked somehow to the experience that the
children have just had together.
If they were face painting, perhaps it's a little tattoo.
If it was a bubble party, perhaps it's a little bottle of bubbles.
If you were out in nature, perhaps it's a little seed packet to plant a seed.
One idea that we've had is to give guests a pre-stamped envelope to the birthday child,
asking them to be pen pals.
Think creatively about a little gesture that is meaningful to you and that actually builds
connection between the children and their guests.
Number 10 is to follow up with your child in creating, thank you cards.
I think it's incredibly important to thank people properly, for the gifts that they've
given us.
That could be in the form of a written thank you card, or a drawing that your child draws,
or a video that you take of your child and they say what they appreciated about the gift,
and thank that guest for coming to the party and for thinking of them.
I think it's a really important chance for your child to show gratitude, and to really
take a moment to note everything that they've received.
Saying, "Thank you," isn't just old fashioned etiquette.
It's still a very important part of reciprocity and relationship building.
Okay.
Those were my 10 tips.
I would absolutely love to hear your tips in the comments below.
Now I wanna share with you, what we gift our children every single birthday.
What we do is, every birthday, we create a photo book for our children.
We create a book with photo's of them, and of the things that they've done and the art
that they've created, and the projects they've worked on, over the past year.
It's a memory book.
We also add in some text, telling some stories about the important events that year, milestones,
things that we want them to remember about their character development or about their
friendships, names of friends, names of places that they visited.
We gift this birthday book tot hem each birthday, as a way of cementing their memories and celebrating
them.
I think to me, this is an opportunity and a tool to help my children form, their memories
and form their sense of self, their narrative and their story of their childhood, so that
every year, they add a year, they add a book and they're able to read back and reflect
about what they've accomplished, what they've learned, where they've been, who they've been
with.
To me that's a really beautiful way of celebrating a child each year, and an of accomplishing
communicating our family values, and what we love about them, and what we celebrate
about them.
We tend to gift this to our children on top of a physical gift as well.
If you also create birthday book, or if you'd like to, let me know in the comments below.
Please share your resources for creating these books.
What platform or software do you use?
I'd love it if you could let me know either here, or over on our guilt free community,
Love Parenting with Avital on Facebook.
If all of this was super helpful, and you want more resources, ideas for wording invitations,
ideas for gifts, for activities, et cetera, then download the Meaningful Birthday Guide
now.
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Next week, we are talking about, five reasons your kids don't listen, and what you can do
about it.
I have a very special guest on that episode, so subscribe.