All right, y'all have heard
from your secretary candidates, your treasurer candidates,
your vice presidents...
It's time for the big finale,
the closing event, the headliners...
Nell Cavanaugh and Sheldon Cooper.
One of these two will be president of your class,
so listen to what they've got to say and choose wisely,
which will be a whole new experience for most of you.
Remember, heckling will get you detention.
STUDENT: Bite me!
(laughter)
Bryan Larkin, two days!
You want to try for a week?
I didn't think so.
Nell, floor is yours.
(cheering and applause)
STUDENTS: Nell!
(whooping)
Thank you, Ms. MacElroy,
Principal Petersen, our hard-working teachers,
and my fellow students.
I'm blessed to call so many of you friends.
Y'all probably know everything about me already.
Lord knows I love to talk. (laughs)
(laughter)
So instead of going on about myself,
I'd like to talk to you about my opponent.
Sheldon Cooper has been lobbying
for new science equipment here at Medford High,
and while that sounds wonderful, the truth is,
he thinks our school wastes its money on football.
(students booing)
Do we really want a class president
who doesn't care about football?
STUDENTS: No!
I know I am proud to be a Medford High cheerleader,
and I love football!
(cheering and applause)
But you know the one thing
I love more than football?
God.
(students affirming)
(applause)
Let me tell you another interesting fact
about my opponent.
Did you know that Sheldon Cooper is an atheist?
(students gasping) That's right.
He doesn't believe in God.
Just keep that in mind
when you cast your vote today.
I'm Nell Cavanaugh. Go Wolves!
(cheering and applause)
And now, please welcome Sheldon Cooper.
♪ ♪
(whispering): No one would fault you if you ran out the back door.
♪ ♪
(quietly): Nell Cavanaugh is... a Yankee.
(gasping)
She may love football and she may love God,
but she was born in Scarsdale.
That's in New York.
(gasping, booing)
There's more.
My opponent didn't move to Texas until she was seven years old.
In fact, in her bedroom
there's a pennant for the New York Yankees.
(students jeering)
While I may not be a fan
of organized religion or sports,
I promise, if you vote for me, I'll do my best
to get new science equipment for our school.
Uh...
Don't mess with Texas!
(cheering and applause)
(chanting): Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon!
Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon!
Sheldon! Sheldon! Sheldon!
Sheldon! Sheldon!
(whooping, whistling)