-Republicans at the
Conservative Political Action Conference
this weekend cheered low vaccination rates
as COVID cases were rising
in states where vaccinations have lagged.
For more on this, it's time for "A Closer Look."
♪♪
The Trump era revealed a lot about our politics,
but one main thing is that many prominent Republicans
are just super weird.
[ Laughter ] Here, for example,
is Donald Trump Jr. just being super weird
while trying to tell some incomprehensible jokes
at the Conservative Political Action Conference
in Dallas over the weekend.
-Texas has always led the charge.
[ Cheering and applause ]
Well, 'til about like a couple of months ago,
and then, Austin sort of took over.
Like I don't know, guys.
Like Texas was leading the charge.
You're still Top 25.
[ Laughter ]
But we got to work on that stuff
because those people have lost their minds.
[ Isolated cheering and applause ]
Right?
-California!
-Ooh!
[ Laughter ]
Last time somebody bombed that badly,
he became the Joker.
[ Laughter ]
Don Jr. looked like he just walked into a scene
in a student improv show and blanked.
Don, you said freeze.
You got to have something.
Why is he looking off to the side?
Is the Sandman there,
about to sweep him off the stage?
Don Jr. has all the charm and charisma
of a dude selling time-shares in a hotel conference room
whose PowerPoint just crashed.
[ As Don Jr ] Texas has so many great opportunities,
as you can see here. Okay, nope.
[ Laughter ]
Not getting a picture here,
but we know -- we know the big towns in Texas, right?
[ Laughter ]
Dallas.
How-ston.
[ Laughter ]
Saint Tonio. That's not right.
Oh, I think I'm going to pass out.
[ Laughter ]
It's one thing to be a Republican
and believe Republican things,
but they always take it to such weird extremes,
like Tennessee Senator Marsha Blackburn,
who, for some reason, last week decided
to go on a bizarre rant about how, under socialism,
Taylor Swift wouldn't be allowed to perform music.
-When I'm talking to my friends
who are musicians and entertainers
I say, "If -- If -- we have a socialistic government,
if we have Marxism,
you are going to be the first ones who will be cut off
because the state would have to approve your music."
And, you know, Taylor Swift came after me
in my 2018 campaign,
but Taylor Swift would be the first victim of that
because, when you look at Marxist socialist societies,
they do not allow women to dress or sing or be onstage
or to entertain or the type music that she would have.
-First of all, what you're describing sounds
like a record company, not socialism.
Second, even if you were a repressive dictator,
the last person you'd want to go after would be Taylor Swift
because she will write a song about your bad behavior
and it will be the song of the summer
and even your closest friends will sing along to it
at barbecues you are at
and then, when they make eye contact with you,
they'll pretend like they're not singing along,
but you'll know they were.
They were. [ Laughter ]
And they'll say, "Hey, are you the guy in fatigues
who's fatiguing her?" And you'll be like,
"I don't know. It could be anybody,"
but you'll know it's you. [ Laughter ]
But it's true. Everyone knows that,
in countries with robust social welfare programs,
women are not allowed to sing or be onstage.
That's why the Icelandic government famously tried
to outlaw Bjork, until she raised
an army of me.
And that's today's jork,
♪♪ which is an Icelandic word,
meaning "joke about Bjork."
[ Laughter ]
Now, to be clear, I have no idea what Blackburn is talking about.
It's hard to make sense of what goes
through these people heads.
It's like trying to follow directions
from an annoyed Parisian.
I think he said the Louvre is inside that McDonald's?
I think what he said was, "That's your Louvre."
That seems very rude. With that said,
do you want to go to McDonald's?
[ Laughter ] So Republicans think the left
wants to ban music.
They're also now arguing
that the Biden administration
is going to use COVID vaccine outreach
as an excuse to come to your door and invade your privacy.
Texas Senator Ted Cruz tweeted last week...
Ted, please stop using slang like G-man.
You sound like a rejected Dick Tracy villain.
[ As Pacino ] Beardsy McScraggle is in charge of our getaway.
[ As Cruz ] Good news, Big Boy.
I booked us all on a flight to Cancun.
Bad news. It comes back tomorrow.
[ As Pacino ] I want Beardsy McScraggle dead!
[ Laughter ]
Pacino got Oscar-nominated for that role
and, for that,
the academy should be applauded.
And, yes, I spent the last two weeks at impression camp.
[ Laughter ]
As a counselor!
[ Laughter ]
Republicans have to spin elaborate conspiracy theories
about otherwise humane, sensible policies
because that's all they have.
It's not threatening or ominous
to raise awareness about vaccines.
That's why there was never a straight-to-video
Steven Seagal movie called...
Although I do think I just saw a trailer
for a new Liam Neeson movie called...
...where he rides in a literal wagon
and welcomes a gang to town.
[ As Neeson ] With his fists.
I think you'll find we have a nice library
and a lovely park,
but you really want to check out
our graveyard.
We didn't get to that at Impressions camp.
[ Laughter ]
[Clap]
[ Laughter ]
Because you made me come back!
[ Laughter ]
It makes sense to go to communities
where vaccination rates are lagging
and reach out to people directly,
especially since, in those same places,
COVID cases are, once again, rising.
It's not about government control.
It's about saving lives.
CBS reported this weekend that...
I can't believe it's even necessary
to say that, but here we are.
It's like saying all the red people at the beach
are the ones who didn't wear sunscreen.
[ Laughter ] We know what the sunscreen's for.
There's nothing nefarious about community outreach
to get more people to take life-saving vaccines.
Just listen to Biden describe the plan.
-Now, we need to go community by community,
neighborhood by neighborhood, and, ofttimes,
door to door, literally knocking on doors,
to get help to the remaining people.
-All he's talking about is raising awareness
in areas with low vaccination rates.
Joe Biden isn't going to personally knock on your door.
The only time Biden's ever knocked
on a neighbor's door is to let them know
he's about to set off a ton of fireworks.
[ As Biden ] I just wanted to give you the heads up,
in case it freaks out your dog. [ Laughter ]
We desperately need elected leaders
and influential Republicans
to help get as many people vaccinated as possible,
especially since a lot of the people refusing the shots
are Trump supporters in deep red states.
And, yet, instead,
Republicans are spreading insane conspiracy theories
about Biden's community outreach plan,
purely as a political tactic to scare voters.
-Marjorie Taylor Greene tweeting this --
"Biden pushing a vaccine that is NOT FDA approved..."
-We're here to tell government
we don't want your benefits.
We don't want your welfare.
Don't come knocking on my door
with your Fauci ouchie.
You leave us the hell alone!
-And, now, they're starting to talk about going door to door
to be able to take vaccines to the people.
Think about the mechanisms they would have to build
to be able to actually execute that massive of a thing
and then, think about what
those mechanisms could be used for.
They could then go door to door, take your guns.
They could then go door to door, take your Bible.
-You think the government has to build a whole new mechanism
to go door to door to raise awareness about vaccines,
which they could then use
to take away Bibles and your guns?
Have you ever heard of the Postal Service?
Imagine government workers going door to door in their high socks
and their bucket hats and their short shorts,
coming to your house to take away your Bibles and your guns
and your outgoing mail.
Next thing you're going to know, they're going to tell you
I need to put a stamp on my mail
and that I can't just stuff the cute neighborhood cat
in the box and write "Abu Dhabi" on it.
Well, last I checked, mailing a cat to Abu Dhabi
was my God-given, constitutional right.
What's next, I'm not allowed to hate Mondays?
[ Laughter ]
COVID cases are, once again, on the rise,
especially in parts of the country
where vaccination rates are lagging
and a contagious new variant is spreading.
We desperately need to get
as many people vaccinated as possible.
The evidence that these vaccines are safe and effective
is overwhelming, from both clinical trials
and real-world studies.
And yet, over the weekend,
attendees at the CPAC cheered the news
that the Biden administration has not been able
to get as many Americans vaccinated as they hoped for.
-They were hoping, the government was hoping,
that they could sort of sucker 90% of the population
into getting vaccinated and it isn't happening, right?
[ Cheering and applause ] Younger people
are well aware of what the risks really are.
-Ugh! That's the political equivalent
of clapping when a waiter drops some dishes.
That's the worst thing I've ever seen a crowd cheer for
since Alice Cooper bit the head off a live chicken onstage.
[ Laughter ] And, yeah, maybe it happened in 1969,
but maybe I was there. You don't know.
Maybe I'm secretly in my late 60s.
Ever wonder what I look like before I shave
and put on all this makeup?
Here's a pic from our hiatus last week
and I look good! [ Laughter ]
I'll work on those old-man abs.
Every morning at 5:00 am,
I swim the length of the East River
and then, I meet up with Wally at the gym.
He counts my squats via cue card.
[ Laughter ]
This is what the Republican Party
and right-wing media have wrought --
a movement that celebrates low vaccination rates
and spins insane conspiracy theories
about attempts to get
more people to take a life-saving vaccine.
If Republicans had any shame at all,
they'd look inward and ask themselves how they got here,
but they won't because...
-Those people have lost their minds.
[ Isolated cheering and applause ]
Right?
[ Laughter ]
-This has been "A Closer Look."
♪♪
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