Well, it's that time of year to be thankful.
And I am thankful for our next guest.
Please welcome the incredible Jon Dorenbos.
[APPLAUSE]
Hey.
What's going on?
Hi!
What's up?
Ready to rock and roll.
Yes.
OK.
Let's do it.
All right.
Hey, here's the deal.
So the holidays are about family.
It's about being thankful for a lot a lot of different things.
So I got all these cards, and they're pictures.
And they're pictures of all the things
I love about the holidays.
And we're not going to go through all of them,
but we have eggplant, cookies.
We got "family," "happy," all these.
You're going to to pick one, all right?
OK.
I want you to think of this word.
All right.
We good?
So I'm going to riffle through here,
and I just want you to say "stop."
You can say "stop," you can throw your hand in there.
Doesn't matter.
Stop.
You want to keep going or stay right here?
Stop.
Keep going or stay right here.
Stop.
OK.
I'm not going to look.
All right.
Take it.
Wow.
And now-- and show everybody.
But I don't want to see it, OK?
I don't want to see it.
I'll kind of go like this.
All right, does anybody know what it is?
Yes, they do.
Judging by the reaction I had when it said "puppy,"
was that it?
Uh huh.
All right.
I guess not.
Narrow that down a few.
All right, here's the deal.
Ellen, think of this.
I'm just going to try and draw this.
All right.
So far, so good.
[LAUGHTER]
This is perfect, because for all of us
here, man, being here is a dream come true
for me, and for probably everybody else.
So I think that-- that's right.
[APPLAUSE]
So I think the one that Ellen picked
that you guys are all thinking of-- this is a dream come true.
You picked the picture "Dream."
Thank you.
[LAUGHTER]
OK, it's not "puppy" and it's not "drink."
It's a big notebook.
You're going to go through [INAUDIBLE]..
You know, we're going to go--
yeah, I get I get 52 tries to draw this.
Ellen, obviously, I missed it.
What was it?
Help me out?
Really?
Yeah.
Well, right now, yeah.
Yep.
OK.
How weird is that that I picked "kindness?"
You've got to be kidding me.
The woman that ends her show every day
by saying "be kind to one another" picks the word
"kindness."
Are you kidding me right now?
I'll tell you what.
I drew the entire stack of pictures,
and your picture kindness is inside.
[LAUGHTER]
You guys get it?
Yeah.
[INAUDIBLE]
Hold on.
Yeah.
What's the picture?
Remember, I said it was inside?
Hold on.
Oh my god.
Maybe we can find one.
Oh my god.
Just wait.
I think we can reach in there.
Out of all the pictures--
You are so good.
--that one of the most amazing women in the world
could have picked, you picked the word "kindness."
[APPLAUSE]
And Ellen, that's not it.
"Kindness" has been drawn on there
and printed the entire time.
There's no holes.
That's the picture we drew right there.
How do you do it?
Ellen.
"Kindness."
We love you.
But how do you do it?
[APPLAUSE]
Thank you.
Oh my God.
You are amazing.
I don't know how to do that.
But here's what I can do.
I can make people scream.
Watch this.
It's day one of 12 Days of Giveaways.
[MUSIC - ANDY WILLIAMS, "IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE
YEAR"]
It's the most wonderful time of the year.
It's the kids jingle-belling and everyone telling you,
be of good cheer.
It's the most wonderful time of the year.
It's the hap-happiest season of all,
with those holiday greetings and gay happy meetings when friends
come to call--
All right.
Y'all, that is Vixen.
That's our new mascot this year, Vixen,
who has chosen to wear heels.
And that's--
All right, welcome to 12 Days, everybody.
This year, in honor of our 15th season,
we're going to celebrate by doing not 12, not 13, not 14,
but 15 Days of Giveaways.
[APPLAUSE]
Now, if there's one store that everyone loves to shop at,
it is Nordstrom.
[APPLAUSE]
That's what I think, too.
They have carried my ED Ellen DeGeneres shoes,
my handbags, my sunglasses for over two years.
They make shopping really easy with all
of the services they offer.
Jon, what do they have?
They have furry gift boxing.
What?
Yeah.
What?
Yeah.
What other services do they have?
Excellent customer service and curbside pick up.
Curbside pickup?
[APPLAUSE]
Curbside pickup?
What is curbside pickup, Jon?
Well, all you do is shop online and pick up your orders
the very same day.
Then you call or text when you arrive,
and your bags are brought right to your car.
Really?
Big time.
Wow.
I think I know what you're talking about.
I'm going to try to demonstrate that.
You, right here, in the pink.
Yeah, you come here.
Yeah.
OK.
Like, pretend like you ordered something, OK?
OK, you ordered these shoes.
And then you just come get them right there, OK?
And you ordered the sunglasses, and you just
come get them right there.
And let's say you have some children in your life,
and you want [INAUDIBLE] shoes for them.
Yes!
Yes.
And let's say you want these shoes, too,
because you like those, OK?
And let's just say you want, like, for instance,
these cute little booties for the kids, too.
Thank you.
OK.
All right.
Have a seat.
OK.
[APPLAUSE]
Yes.
You can all start your holiday shopping
with this $250 Nordstrom gift card.
[APPLAUSE]
All right.
Yeah, [INAUDIBLE].
All right.
We all miss our pets when we're at work or traveling.
Aw, I miss my Saint so much.
Oh, he loves everything that I gave him, right?
He loves everything that you gave him.
That's what I was hoping.
That he would love everything that I gave you.
OK, well this next gift lets you entertain
while your pets are away.
With the Petcube play camera, you
can watch and play with your pets right from your iPhone.
And with the Petcube Bites, you can actually
give them treats while you're away!
Wow!
You can feed them?
Awesome.
Really?
Awesome.
You're saying-- let me get this straight.
Jon, let me get this straight.
You're telling me you could actually
feed your pets from these things when you're away.
Can you feed your kids with them?
Uh, I don't-- some people might try.
I wouldn't.
But probably not.
OK.
All right.
Well, you can all get a Petcube with this $250 Bed Bath
and Beyond gift card.
You got it.
[APPLAUSE]
We're back with my friend, Jon Dorenbos.
In case people don't know who Jon Dorenbos is,
Jon was with the Philadelphia Eagles.
He was traded to the New Orleans Saints.
He found out, through doing a routine physical,
that he had a major heart problem.
He just had open-heart surgery seven weeks ago.
And here he is right now.
Thank you.
Crazy.
Good to be alive.
Yeah.
I'm glad to have you here.
Jon, what's next?
Well, 23andMe Health, plus Ancestry Services,
helps you understand where you come from,
and how you and your family are alike,
with over 75 genetic reports.
You'll get information on what your DNA says
about your ancestry and health.
And Jon, I have a surprise for you.
Last time you were on the show, we sent in your DNA.
And I'm going to read the results right now,
live on television.
It says right here, "All of your ancestors
were very, very, very handsome.
Like, 10 out of 10's."
It also says that you have "biceps
of steel and a genetically-perfect beard."
And finally, this is amazing.
You are 2% poodle.
Wow.
[APPLAUSE]
Also, one more thing it.
Says right here that the audience
can get three kits for their family with this $600 Visa
gift card.
[APPLAUSE]
It's a poodle.
You're 2% poodle.
That's it.
I'll take it.
Hey, Jon.
Jon, you know how you're always saying
how good you are at doing authentic Italian accents?
Well, I want you to tell everybody
about this next gift in your best Italian accent
that you've been telling me you've wanted to do.
Are you serious?
[LAUGHTER]
OK.
(ITALIAN ACCENT) Uuni is the best in outdoor cooking.
And the Uuni 3 is a wood fire oven, perfect for your backyard
or outdoor kitchen.
It's a Nordic design.
It's so light and portable, you can take it tailgating,
take it to the beach, or even take it camping.
It's so versatile.
Oh, [INAUDIBLE].
[APPLAUSE]
Perfecta.
(ITALIAN ACCENT) Let me try, too.
You can bake a pizza in 60 seconds with the $300 Uuni
oven.
[APPLAUSE]
[INAUDIBLE]
(ITALIAN ACCENT) Pizza.
Oh, the pizza.
You eat the pizza.
(ITALIAN ACCENT) We eat the pizza.
(ITALIAN ACCENT) Eat the pizza.
And finally, you're probably-- oh, I have to talk.
You're probably exhausted from getting so many amazing gifts.
It looks like you could use a vacation.
[APPLAUSE]
Yeah.
OK.
Is that a no?
[APPLAUSE]
OK.
All right.
There's an all-inclusive world-class resort
that just opened.
It has 10 restaurants.
No way.
Yeah.
Seven pools
You're kidding me.
Six bars.
Stop it.
And two nightclubs.
Somebody pinch me.
You can also enjoy their massive water park and luxurious spa.
Holy cow!
You're getting a six-day, five-night stay the Grand Moon
Palace in Cancun, Mexico.
[MUSIC - ANDY WILLIAMS, "IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE
YEAR"]
It's the most wonderful time of the year.
It's the kids jingle-belling and everyone
telling you be of good cheer.
It's the most wonderful time of the year.
[INAUDIBLE]