What's the weirdest sex act you've ever done alone?
As a boy we lived near a large wooded area.
When I got horny I'd take off all my clothes and see how far away i can walk from them.
The thrill was exciting to me.
Being nude outdoors.
Fear of being caught.
It would always lead to a quick masturbation session...which once the horniess left me, I was left sometimes a 1/2 mile from my clothes and that walk back was not nearly as thrilling.
Jerk off upside down with a aloe bottle and use my speakers as a dick vibrator
Edit song was ghostmane trechcoat,low by tpain
Edit how the beep do I turn off notis
Aloe pervs
Spent a whole day during school break lazy, in bed, seeing how many times I could ejaculate.
The answer for 17 year old me was 12 times.
44 year old me has not yet repeated the experiment, but my guess is once.
I wanted to make my own fleshlight so I took the tube out of a roll of toilet paper and dunked the tp into warm water.
I then put my dick into this warm mass of wet toilet paper.
It felt decent but made such a mess, and the post nut guilt was something else.
Tied my own legs to the bed posts behind my head but I tied them too tight so I had to cut myself out with a mechanical pencil on my nightstand.
It took ~~about 20~~ maybe more like 15 minutes.
One time when I was like 11 my PS2 controller glitched out and it just...vibrated nonstop.
That's all I'll say.
Once when I was a teen I masturbated on horse back.
And no before anyone says anything weird it wasn't anything beastiality related!
I was just always forced to go on horse ride/camping trips with my parents and had to sleep in the front of the horse trailer on a cot so no privacy and was in the middle of the woods so no bathroom or anything.
I was really horny that weekend for some reason and so after we finished our group trail ride I said I was gonna ride more by myself and rode off into the woods.
I rubbed one off up on top of the saddle really quickly then rode back to camp like nothing ever happened.
I'm so glad no one happened to come by.
Hormones as a teen are insane.
That
horse was probably like "wtf she doing up there and why am I having to stand here like this in the middle of no where?"
Lol.
PIV.
Penis in vacuum.
I was going through puberty.
I once took a soup spoon up my bum (the handle) with some ~~vaseline~~ lube on.
After I had to throw out the spoon.
I just couldn't look at it again the same way.
edit changed the trademarked vaseline to lube as it was a regular sex lube
I’ll start by saying I’m glad I never got my dick ripped off.
I was sexually repressed by religion and it led to weird sex things.
Our top load washing machine had just the right amount of vibration, and I discovered I could run it with the lid open by jamming some pennies into the hinge area.
The top of the spindle had a hole/cup in the top (where you are supposed to add bleach or fabric softener, or apparently dick).
Wrap my dick in something soft, lay across the washing machine and put it the bleach hole.
Let me tell you, when it hit spin cycle, I didn’t last long.
Thanks for bringing up these horrifying times in my life.
beep a cabbage
[Remember these
And I know I'm not alone but my once innocent childhood toy turned into a really bad fleshlight when I started going through a ton of puberty.
I wrote a raunchy message to a girl on my phone but didn't send it.
I aimed my erection at the phone and made a deal with my dick that if it could get hard enough to reach the Send button, the message would get on its way.
Made a fake vagina with a rubber glove, empty pasta sauce jar, a bath sponge and a rubber band.
Then beep it for weeks as a lonely teenager
As a horny and desperate youth I was constantly looking up new ways to rub one out.
My biggest beep up was after I saw the video of how to make a pocket pussy out of two dish sponges, a dish glove, and a cup.
I had the cup, but no sponges or rubber glove.
What I did have was two mr clean magic erasers, and some Saran Wrap.
Long story short, Saran Wrap does not create an effective barrier between skin and caustic chemicals.
I had a chemical burn on the head and shaft of my dong for about 2 weeks.
Didn’t go to the hospital, but I did have to wear the softest pair of shorts I owned for a while.
Kids, read the warning label before you put your dick in
something.
Edit: I guess it turns out that magic erasers do not contain caustic chemicals.
This information does nothing to lessen my shame.
Edit 2: obligatory thank you for my first gold.
However, whoever gave a wholesome to this may need to speak to a professional.
I gave myself a hanging wedgie using the door while having clothespins on my nipples.
I rubbed my dick until I came through the underwear.
Blew myself
Edit: Somebody reported me to Reddit for self harm.
Wanked it while riding a tandem bike home from a fetish party
My grandmother, bless her soul, was the sweetest most innocent woman you’d ever met.
She would stay with us sometimes and help out around the house.
One year, for Christmas, she bought me a pack of hankies.
Obviously confused I wanted an explanation.
She said to me that I need to use hankies to blow my nose into, instead of all my clothes because she did the washing and saw all the crusty stains on them.
.......I am sorry grandma.
I am really really sorry.
dug a penis size hole in the ground, filled it with packing grease, beep it.
I used a wooden sword as a dildo when I was a teenager
Saw a thing in a hentai, decided to try it out, gave myself a UTI and thrush.
If you're gonna beep a bottle, make sure to sterilise it first
I beep a got damn trash bag
Make beep to the couch cushions, ya know in between the crevice?
I used a soft fishing lure as a dildo and lotion as lube.
Got super freaked out after (I was really high and paranoid) so I called poison control thinking I was going to die from the chemicals on the lure lol
I have rather religious and conservative parents.
They decided to put off the sex talk (at least the details) until my senior year of high school.
So when I started getting erections back in middle school, I had no idea what was going on.
Not really understanding them, I thought it was like an ache or some really weird itch.
So to “scratch” it, I’d lie on my front in bed, press my groin against the mattress, and rock back and forth.
Tl;dr: I humped my mattress until high school.
Either inserting a popsicle into my ass (because I have a fetish for inserting really cold things inside me, and I've done it with ice cubes before), orrrr squirting shampoo into my ass because I thought maybe it would feel like someone cumming inside me and, being a virgin at the time, I wanted to know what it was like.
It was nothing like someone cumming inside of me, and I would like to add that I do not recommend squirting shampoo anywhere *inside of* your body.
Ever.
In middle school, I once got a postcard from a girl I was super into (I’m pretty sure it was a generic bday card).
Anyway I was so excited that I opened the card, cut a hole in the middle and tried to beep it.
Didn’t go well, do not recommend.
Highly uncomfortable and painful
When I was a kid I had the thought "if I could jerk off but keep the cum in me, would it feel good for longer?"
So I put scotch tape over my pee hole and went to town.
Suffice to say it was very painful and I have a bit of a lasting trauma.
Would not recommend.
Told this story before but I've masturbated into an empty McFlurry container.
More than once.
While I was alone at work.
It's one of those things I look back on and think... what was I thinking?
In my defense:
I was 17 or 18.
Horny.
All.
The.
Time.
Mc Flurry containers SEEM to be ergonomically designed for a quick clean up.
If you're wondering, yes, you have to WATCH
OUT for the edge of the container.
Not very easy to use but it just looks like a container with a hole guys.
Teenage horniness is just weird.
I was essentially a skeleton staff in a two person office where the other person was on vacation and I just had to keep the office "running".
Take messages and write emails to prevent the office from seeming dead.
I really hope that office didn't have cameras.
I was quite horny in my early teens, so I looked up innovative ways to masturbate.
As it seems, if you hollow out a cucumber and microwave it, it does not feel like the inside of a vagina.
I was left with the most disgusting vegetable you've ever seen and a memory that lives under the surface of my dignity.
Not necessarily super sexual, but I passionately made out/dry humped with a Dory plush when I was younger because I had a massive crush I had on the character.
Yes, I'm talking about the fish from Finding Nemo.
Edit: Silver for this?
Y'all are too kind.
Thank you stranger!
Edit 2: Good God, this is my most upvoted and awarded comment!
I'm not complaining, but what is going on?
Not the act itself, I guess, but the event as a whole...
We lived in the sticks, and internet shopping wasn't really a thing back then (not that we had internet anyway).
I was a horny but resourceful teenage girl, so I whittled myself a penis-like dildo out of a piece of firewood, sanded it, and varnished it.
I was around 14-15 at the time.
I tested it out once without a condom, and freaked out about the potential toxicity of the varnish.
Then used a disposable latex glove because there were no condoms in the house (and the thought of buying them was mortifying).
In the end I was too paranoid about it being found, so I tossed it into the fire the next
time the fireplace was lit.
You know these weird intrusive thoughts you sometimes have when near somewhere you could jump from?
Welp one time i just put a butter knife up my V.
Edit: Yes, blade first.
No it didn't hurt or cut me, i was lucky my heavily dissociated 14 yo self snapped back to reality fast enough to remove it carefully.
I then scrubbed that thing like my life depended on it.
Role played sex on a minecraft server
Phone sex.
I’ve only done it once with a SO many years ago and I felt so damn awkward the entire time.
She was way into it but I couldn’t even get a semi.
I 100% faked my orgasm.
Once when I was a young teen I wanted to know what my cum tasted like but licking it off my hand seemed gross so I jerked off into a Tostitos® Scoop and then ate it.
It would take me years to realize that cum is both salty but not that salty.
I'm so ashamed writing this... Lol
Younger me, (F), had one of those huge teddy bear stuffed animals.
Like the giant people sized ones.
Well, one day I was horny, and decided I was going to use duct tape, and tape down my dildo onto my stuffed bears "area".
I then proceeded to ride him to climax.
I'm so ashamed of this.. even to this day 😭
Edit: Thank you to the guys and gals who have liked and/or commented to me.
Also, those of you who gifted me awards, I thank you, very
much.
I've got many... maybe too embarrassing to admit but thats why I made this account.
I've used anything, and I mean anything, I could find in the bathroom to pleasure myself.
Top most embarrassing things are pill containers and the plunger.
I learned that masturbating while having to pee makes it feel good so I would do so often.
So often that one time I peed all over the bathroom floor.
I tried to beep myself with a water bottle.
All these happened before I was 15.
I thought everyone did
these things............
Scrolling through this thread has assured me of my normalcy
I kind of have this fetish where the idea of being experimented on, or being the product of a Frankenstein's monster kind of experiment, is a big turn on.
I also have a fetish for being forced to drink liquids.
So one day I decided to try combining the two.
I set up some spooky green lights in my living room, then take some plastic tubing I have from other hobbies and make myself a siphon, with one end down my throat a little ways, and the other in a big-ass cup of Gatorade sitting on a table above me (may as well hydrate, am I right?).
I laid down on my back, with a towel under me, and just kind of let the siphon go.
It didn't last long.
The weight changed so rapidly the tubing pulled the glass over, spilling the like half gallon of Gatorade all over me and my carpet.
I had put towels down, but it was just so much it still soaked through.
So here I am, sitting in the middle of my living room, naked, covered in Gatorade like an asshole.
It wasn't a highlight of my solo sexual exploits, but it's a good story I don't ever get to tell lol.
Former camgirl here.
I have a lot of stories.
One of my clients had a thing for me making a bikini out of plastic bags and wearing them.
He would book me for up to an hour to pose and talk to him about sexual situations where I might be wearing a plastic bag during sexy times.
Even shoved a plastic bag up my pussy a time or two.
He had a thing for the 'crinkling' and when he was getting close he would say beep like 'yes darling, make it crinkle' over and over again.
Another client liked me to get fully nude and tear up newspaper.
Not carbon paper or construction paper or anything else.
Just newspaper.
Last but not least, one client was into race play/degradation, which was fine by me, it was all fun and games.
He was Asian and instead of the usual stereotypical stuff that most race play relies on (i.e.
Asian men have small dicks, etc), he had more sophisticated tastes.
He got really into it when I talked about why various Asian countries lost various global conflicts.
I.e "Tell me more about why we lost the Vietnam War" or "Tell me why the Japanese were nuked by the Americans, babe."
All while I had a dildo in various orifices and was putting on my best bedroom voice.
When you do sex work, you see all kind of wacky kinks, and as
someone who catered to fetishes specifically, I have seen some beep But those three definitely stood out as moments where I felt like I was being trolled.
Cut a hole in my orangutan Teddy that I had since birth and pumped the living daylights out it when I just discovered i could cum.
It ended up all crusty and I had to re-stuff it a couple times.
Eventually my friend found it, put his finger in the hole and realised what he had just done and that was the end of our friendship :) it was around about then I realised what a disgrace I was and invested in an oven mitt, a packet of ham and a snorkel.
At age 8 on vacation in Spain with my family, i made love to a smarties tube.
Got my penis stuck and then my Brother busted me.
He still call me mr smarties sometimes.. Im 26
Used glue as a lube.
My balls glued together.
Not a fun conversation with my parents.
Yellow mustard is not a great lube.
Said "You like that, beep retard?"
to myself
Got a cheap game for my ps4 that made the controller vibrate a lot because my vibrator was broken
if it fits, i sits
Nothing spectacular.
Inserted things where things hadn't ought to be inserted.
Every hole is worth trying.
Ugh time to switch to the alt to answer this honestly.
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