Heya playa, if you have a crush on someone and you've been friend-zoned by them and you've
settled for just being friends I think that's the wrong move to make and I'm going to tell
you why.
For those of you that are new here, my name is Josh and every single week I make videos
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I made a video a while back called "How To Not Lose a Friendship After Asking Someone
Out" and I received this comment on it: "Well, this is terrifying.
Looks like I'm never gonna find love because I would rather be around her without telling
her how I feel than not being around her at all."
If this is something you can relate to, trust me I have an answer for you because I don't
think settling for just being friends is the right way to go.
First off, you're settling for what you don't actually want.
You don't wanna be just friends with them, you actually want to pursue some kind of romantic
relationship but the fear of losing them completely from your lives is holding you back.
And I totally get where you're coming from there because I've been in that position before.
I remember back when I was in high school, I had a huge crush on a girl that friend-zoned
me.
She told me flat out that she just wanted to be friends but I didn't want to lose her
so I stayed in that position and it hurt me every single day to see her talk to other
guys, to talk about other guys and to just not genuinely want to be with me the way I
wanted to be with her.
It took me a while to realize I wasn't actually being her friend.
Friends are open and honest with each other along the way.
They don't keep secrets, they don't hide their feelings.
They genuinely share what they think of one another but in her case, I was doing everything
I could just to keep her there, even if it meant not being honest with her.
And the saddest part is that sometimes your crush will just go along with it because they
don't want to lose you as a friend.
That's sometimes the reason why you stay in that position because that person wants things
to go back to "normal", whatever that may mean but in reality, things aren't normal
between the two of you.
You have feelings, they know you have feelings and neither one of you are acting on or doing
anything about it because if you were to do something about it, it would mean that you
get together or you split off and that's not really the direction you're trying to take
here.
And what you're really doing is normalizing the idea of not being honest and genuine with
the people that you like.
Now, this is something that's going to come back to bite you later on because if you're
acting that way now with this crush who's to say you won't do that with the next crush?
Or the next one?
You might be setting up a pattern here which is only going to lead you to failure so you
want to cut that pattern out by being open and honest every chance you can.
Not to mention the fact that while you're roleplaying this idea of hoping and waiting
for the day that they turn around and say "wow you're actually the one I want to be
with and there you were under my nose this whole time", you're really just wasting your
chance and opportunity to pursue and meet other people.
While you're just kind of obsessed with this other person you're not allowing yourself
to grow in different areas and to really just kind of expand your network, learn more skills
in talking to people and just potentially find someone else that you can actually be
with.
Looking back at high school when I was super obsessed with that one girl, I didn't even
really wanna talk to anyone else because I felt like she was the one for me.
I felt like there was no one else that was perfect just like her so I would shut off
every other potential person I could be dating just because I was so laser-focused.
And the second thing is, if I started talking to other people it might mean that she might
think I'm moving on and she might never give me a chance so I wanted to stay focused on
her.
Only talking to her, only trying to get with her, only trying to be "her friend" just because
I didn't want her out of my life completely.
And when you choose the path of just being friends and trying to make things look normal
instead of just moving on and doing your own thing, you're not gonna look any more confident
in front of your crush.
In fact, your crush is probably not gonna associate you with confidence because they're
going to recognize that you're settling for a position that you don't actually want.
Sure, from their perspective they don't want things to be awkward and weird and the easiest
way to make that happen is for the two of you to just be friends as you go forward without
any feelings coming out to play but it's not how you feel and if you want to be confident
and perceived as confident in this situation, you have to do what's right.
And I wish I knew back then that by suppressing my feelings and pretending like no, they're
not going to interfere in my friendship.
I can be a totally normal friend to you without my deep desire to want to be with you get
in the way, I was actually digging a much deeper hole for myself.
And that hole would only get deeper and deeper the longer you stay in their lives.
This is something I wish I knew back then as well.
The more you continue to just be their friend, the harder it's ever going to be for them
to just turn around and look at you in a completely different light.
Let's look at this in a realistic scenario, you tell your crush that you like them or
they find out some way and they tell you that they just want to be friends.
You can choose to walk away, separate yourself from them and just do your own thing or you
can choose to continue to be their friend and just keep your feelings suppressed, so
what do those two sides ultimately lead to?
Well if you continue to just be friends, you're going to continue to see them every single
day, they're gonna know you in and out, you guys are going to share things with each other,
nothing is really going to change.
There's never going to be a day where they say "wow, that person's grown", "that person's
different" because they're going to see your gradual change over time and there's no point
in that process where they can look at you differently.
Or if you stand up for yourself and you tell them "listen, I really like you and if all
you really want here is a friendship then that's not what I'm willing to settle for
so I think I'm just gonna do my own thing."
You separate yourself, you talk to other girls or guys, you date them for a while and then
eventually over time you grow as a person, as you gain experience through that you want
to see your crush again, you start talking to them again.
Now they have the opportunity to see the evolved you.
The you that's grown up and changed and that will actually increase your chances of potentially
getting with them because now you're a different person than the person that they always knew.
That break in the connection actually gives you guys breathing room.
It gives you room to focus on yourself for a change.
If you're constantly involved in their lives and they're constantly involved in yours,
you're never going to have that moment of peace where they can stop and say "Wow, there's
something new about this person that I want to learn.
Something that I want to get more involved in."
Instead, you're always just going to be friends and that's not ever going to lead to what
you actually want which is to potentially date them.
And that's why I'm saying trust me on this guys.
Never settle for just being friends.
But now I'm curious, what do you think.
Are you in a position where you're friend-zoned by the person that you like and you're not
sure whether or not you should continue to be friends or you should just let them go?Leave
your comments down below and let's talk about it.
I wanna give a special shout out to all my patrons and YouTube channel members the people
that help support this channel and make it grow, thank you guys so much and if you're
someone that wants to talk to me one on one every single month about what's going on in
your life, check out the link to Patreon right over here.
Plus if you want to learn how to escape the friend zone or deal with rejection, check
out the link to the videos over here.
That playlist is going to be super helpful for you.
On that note guys, I'll catch you next time.
As always, love and peace.