- Okay, in this video, we're gonna talk about
how to be super-likable, and three things you can do.
I'm also gonna go over the things that
make people not likable,
and the real question you should actually be asking
is not, "Do they like me?"
So stay tuned.
(soft music)
So, you found this video because you wanna be more likable.
And the first thing I'm gonna share with you is,
that it's the wrong question to be asking.
You don't want to be concerned with
whether people like you or not.
You wanna be concerned with whether or not you like them.
First, you wanna like yourself,
because nobody's gonna like you if you don't like yourself,
because nobody is gonna be really wanting to hire
the most self-doubtful person, right?
So if you're questioning yourself,
if you're questioning whether or not you like you,
or if you're worth their time,
then they're not really gonna be that interested either,
because you have to like yourself first.
Do you like you?
That's my question to you.
Would you hire you?
I want you to come up with
at least ten things about yourself that you like.
Is that a hard exercise for you?
It is for a lot of people.
So if it's hard for you to come up
with ten things that you like about yourself,
then start with ten things that are facts about yourself.
So, maybe simple things like,
you are a human, you went to school.
Maybe you're a good student, maybe you learn well.
Maybe you're a kind person.
Maybe you're really committed.
So start small, but you wanna eventually come up
with a list of things you like about yourself.
So, for example, off the top of my head,
I'm just gonna tell you some things I like about myself.
I like that I really wanna share information and help.
So, if there's something that I learn
that helped me in my own life,
I'm excited to share it with you,
because I think it can help you too,
and I'm gonna get really excited for sharing that.
So I like that about myself.
I like that I try really hard.
So sometimes, I try too hard,
but I like that I'm genuinely committed
to continuing going at something,
and if I fail at it, I'm gonna keep going.
I like that I'm a dog lover.
I love dogs, and a I love all animals.
There's a few things off the top of my head
that I like about myself.
What about you?
So, if you're focused on that and you think hard enough,
I want you to get really clear
on what it is you like about yourself.
So if you have an education, a degree,
it means you probably worked hard in school, right?
But, just giving you some ideas.
First, decide that you like yourself,
and get really clear on why.
And then, it'll be easier for you to decide,
"Do I like them?
"Are they a good match for me?"
Right?
Because if we're coming at it from,
"Do they like me, I hope they like me,"
it's all about whether we get the approval, right?
But we forget that we have to give the approval too.
You're life is you're life,
you get one wild and precious life,
and you don't wanna waste it
working somewhere that you don't even like.
With people that you don't even wanna spend time with.
So, we're missing all this.
We're like, "Oh, I hope they like us."
Well what about you?
Do you like them?
That's what you need to be worried about.
So, when you're able to focus your attention
to do you like them,
the first step is decide you like you,
figure out why you like you,
and then decide whether or not you like them.
So then you can be asking more creative questions,
like, "What is it about them
"that I'm gonna wanna be a part of?
"Why do I wanna be a part of that organization?
"Why do I wanna work there?
"What is it that they're gonna be able to offer to me,
"as well as what can I offer to them?"
Is it gonna be a mutual fit?
This is what you really wanna be focusing on, okay,
because this is where the self confidence
and the self esteem comes from.
And if you're asking, "How do I be more likable,
"how do I get people to like me?"
This probably means that you're looking for approval
from an external source,
when you need to give yourself that approval to start with.
Because really, nobody can give you that approval.
There's always gonna be people that like you,
and there's always gonna be people that don't like you.
And that's okay, we wouldn't want to change that.
We don't want everyone to like us,
because that would mean we're really boring.
There's this famous quote, it says,
"To avoid criticism, you must do nothing,
be nothing, do nothing..."
I don't remember how it goes, exactly.
But, something like that.
You get the idea, right?
If you're focusing on what it is that you want,
then you can bring that in,
versus being the person whose just everything to everyone,
and wanting everybody to like you.
Like, "Oh, I hope they like me."
But you know what, nobody ever said,
"You know, she really looked like
"she was doubting herself quite a bit,
"she really looked unsure of herself,
"I think we wanna hire her."
That's not how it goes, okay?
So just keep that in mind, and stop doing that.
Once you figure that out, I want you to keep in mind,
that the next step is to have your own strong boundaries,
and high self esteem, and know what that is.
So, having strong boundaries
and having high self esteem means
that you're comfortable in yourself, you like yourself,
and you are prepared for other people not to like you,
not to agree, not to mesh with you,
not to be the preference of everybody, right?
So, I have a story to tell,
it was pretty funny to me when I heard this.
So, I worked with this lady, her name was Brenda,
and she was a trainer.
So she came in, and she did trainings
for organizations, and she did presentations
on good customer service, and support,
and teamwork and all that stuff.
So she was an older lady, and she was quite large.
Like, no judgment here, I've been very overweight myself,
but just stating the facts here,
she was quite a large woman.
And so, we were having lunch one day,
and she was telling me this story
about how she went to the doctor,
and how she was in her 50s,
and the doctor was saying to her,
"You know, Brenda, I think you should consider
"losing some weight,
"I think it would be good for your health moving forward."
And Brenda was like, "No, you know,
"I'm pretty happy with how I am."
She's like, "I don't really think
"I need to lose any weight."
And, she's just like totally,
comfortably at home with herself,
not having any issues with the fact that she was overweight,
and then the doctor said to her,
"Brenda, you know what your problem is?"
And Brenda's like, "What's that?"
And she's like, "Your self esteem is too high."
(laughs)
So, I thought that was pretty funny,
because it's a perfect example of the fact
that Brenda didn't have a problem with her weight,
and if someone else did,
even her doctor, even a person of authority,
you know, who you would trust,
and believe would have a good point
as to what you were saying,
Brenda was like, "Nope, you know what, I think I'm fine."
So, there's a good example of having strong boundaries,
which means you have high self esteem, right?
So, if, for example, this is another good example.
So somebody might say to me, you know,
"You're a little bit too loud, too enthusiastic,
"you ask too many questions.
"Maybe you should tone it down a bit."
Having my strong boundary, and having strong self esteem,
I might say, "You know what, that's just kinda how I am.
"If you don't like it, that's cool,
"but I don't think you and I are gonna get along too well."
And that's okay, right?
Because, lots of people really love that about me.
So, it's fine, I just want you to understand
that you can have your own strong boundaries.
And if it's something that you wanna work on,
so say maybe you don't like that you ask so many questions,
or you're like, "Well, maybe I could tone it down a bit,"
or whatever, you can make that decision,
but you gotta make it for you.
So, you gotta say, "Yeah, maybe that is something
I'd like to work on."
Or you could say, "You know, sometimes I do ask
"a few too many questions."
But don't make it mean something
that there's something wrong with you,
we're humans and we're all gonna have things that we like,
and things that we don't like,
but just have your own core self in mind,
and don't judge yourself for being who you are.
And there's definitely something to be said
for being who you are no matter what,
because people will either accept you or they won't.
And, think about this,
if you listen to every piece of feedback
that people gave you, and you changed everything?
So say somebody said to me,
"Natalie, you've gotta stop asking so many questions."
"Natalie, you gotta quiet down a bit."
"Natalie, you gotta tone it down."
And then someone else will say,
"Hey, you know what?
"I think you're really quiet,
and I think you should be louder."
And then someone else would say,
"Hey, you know what?
"I think you should just not talk."
These are all people's reflections
of what they are thinking,
but if I tried to change to everything,
I would end up nothing, right?
So we have to remember who we are, at our core,
and own who we are,
and be proud of who we are.
So that's how you actually become likable.
So, contrary to popular belief,
you think you need to make yourself different
so someone else will like you.
But, if you did that,
they don't really like you,
they like the version of you that you created
or that you changed into for them.
Moral of the story here, own your own self,
own who you wanna be, and like it.
Because there is no downside to that.
All right, so, if you want some more help from me,
I have some free resources below that you can grab.
So the first one I wanna invite you to
is a free workshop, it's called
How to Get Any Job You Want.
The first thing we're gonna go over is opportunities,
so, how to get infinite opportunities,
so you'll never have to worry
about where your next opportunity's coming from.
Crushing your interviews,
so how to focus on what you can control
to nail those interviews.
And how to get a win no matter what,
so whether they like you or they don't,
how you're still gonna feel intact,
and how you're still gonna feel confident in yourself
to keep going to ultimately get to your goal.
The third thing, we're gonna talk about
mastering salary negotiations
so that you can make the money that you wanna make
over the course of your lifetime.
So, we're talking five, ten years out,
what is it that you wanna be doing.
So, you're probably thinking pretty small right now,
if you're like most people.
I want to challenge you to think bigger.
Four, we're gonna talk about setting up your promotion,
so, the things you need to be focused on right now
in order to get where you actually wanna go.
So if you're interested in that,
click the link below,
you can get it immediately,
you just have to enter your information,
and I'll be in your inbox.
And if you like the video, give me a thumbs up.
If you didn't like it, give me a thumbs down.
Subscribe to the channel,
and I will see you here next week
with another video.
(soft music)
Oh, and if you want more free resources,
if the training's not for you right now,
or you just want some quick free guides,
I've got those on my web site.
Go check out www.nataliefisher.ca,
and I have a free resources tab,
you can just check out what you like.
And I got you covered, awesome.
Thanks so much, see you next week!