YOU GUYS LIKE STARBUCKS?
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) I ENJOY IT.
INCIDENTALLY, AFTER THE SHOW, IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR THE CLOSEST
STARBUCKS, JUST GO... ANY DIRECTION.
AND NOW, STARBUCKS HAS AN APP, WHERE YOU CAN HAVE THE COMPLETE
STARBUCKS EXPERIENCE FROM YOUR OWN PHONE: YOU CAN ORDER AHEAD
OF TIME, PAY AHEAD OF TIME, AND I ASSUME, STARE AT RACKS OF
NORAH JONES ALBUMS WONDERING, "WHO BUYS CDS?"
BUT THIS CONVENIENCE COMES AT A PRICE.
ACCORDING TO THE "WALL STREET JOURNAL," CUSTOMERS USING THE
APP MISS THE OLD DAYS OF BARISTAS MISSPELLING THEIR
NAMES.
STARBUCKS'S GREATEST STRENGTH HAS ALWAYS BEEN BEING BAD AT
NAMES.
THIS IS THE COMPANY THAT NAMED THEIR SHORTEST DRINK "TALL."
ONE CUSTOMER, NAMED AARON RODRIGUEZ, TOLD THE JOURNAL THAT
WHEN HE GOES TO STARBUCKS, INSTEAD OF AARON WITH TWO "A'S"
"I'M CONSTANTLY GETTING 'ERIN' ON THE CUP OR 'ARON... THAT'S
ONE LITTLE THING I DO MISS WHEN I USE THE APP."
I HEAR YA, AARON.
MY NAME'S STEPHEN AND EVERY DAY MY COFFEE CUP HAS MY ASSISTANT'S
NAME ON IT.
WHAT GIVES?
(LAUGHTER) NOT ANYTHING LIKE MY NAME.
NO, NO...
PEOPLE ARE NOSTALGIC FOR THE ARTISINAL, HANDMADE,
NAME-GARBLING OF YORE.
AS ONE CUSTOMER SAID, "SOMETIMES THE BARISTA WOULD INCLUDE A
SMILEY FACE ON THE CUP.
IT MAKES THAT TRIP TO STARBUCKS MORE PERSONAL."
AND WHEN YOU VISIT YOUR MULTINATIONAL COFFEE
CONGLOMERATE, YOU WANT TO FEEL LIKE FAMILY!
LOOK, I UNDERSTAND IT'S FUN.
BUT TO THE "WALL STREET JOURNAL" AND ANY PEOPLE WHO ARE UPSET
ABOUT LOSING MISSPELLED NAMES, I HAVE TO BREAK IT TO YOU-- THIS
ISN'T REALLY SOMETHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
THERE ARE ACTUAL SERIOUS PROBLEMS IN THE WORLD.
LET ME EXPLAIN A REAL NEWS STORY THAT YOU REALLY SHOULD BE
CONCERNED ABOUT IN A WAY THAT MIGHT DRAW YOUR INTEREST.
IN THE MIDDLE EAST, THERE'S A TERRORIST GROUP CALLED "ISIS,"
WHO HAVE BEEN TAKING OVER SYRIA, AND RECRUITING MORE AND MORE
JIHADISTS OVER SOCIAL MEDIA LIKE TWITTER.
THIS HAS LEAD MILLIONS OF REFUGEES TO FLEE TO EUROPE AND
SOME EVEN WANT TO COME TO THE U.S. WHICH HAS LEAD TO A CALL
FOR A BAN ON MUSLIMS FROM THE REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL
NOMINEE, TANGERINE POOPBUCKET.