The NFL have been having a rough go at it recently.
First, we found out that playing football can make you mentally disabled.
Then, they had problems with civil rights.
I know...annoying.
Now the NFL is caught up in an ongoing scandal about how they treat their cheerleaders.
"When the organization took the Redskins cheerleaders on a trip"
"To Costa Rica for a calendar photoshoot."
"Five cheerleaders who talked to The Times"
"on the condition of anonymity."
"Told the paper, even though the calendar will not show nudity"
"Some of the women were required to be topless"
"Or wearing nothing but body paint in front of guests."
Now I'm not a scientist but that sounds like sexual harassment.
Wow! I remember when the Washington Redskins were just a team with a racist logo.
And don't tell me it isn't!
Native Americans were the victims of genocide.
It would be like me supporting a rugby team called "The Sydney Aboriginals."
Answer me this...
Would you support a soccer team called "The Munich Jews."
And if so, why?
Join the conversation on Twitter.
But when it comes to cheerleading, these women are asked to do a lot more than just cheer.
"Some of the cheerleaders were then required"
"To attend a nightclub event as escorts for some of the team's male sponsors."
"The cheerleaders said there was no sex involved but..."
Let me stop you there.
Nothing good follows the phrase,
"No sex was involved, but"
Nothing positive comes after that.
No sex was involved but
I did find out I have a cousin.
No sex was involved but
The hospital will reopen next week.
No sex was involved but
We do need to restaff the show.
This kind of abuse is happening throughout the NFL.
Many cheerleaders are restricted in their use of social media,
They can't date players,
If a player contacts them, or is even as the same public place as the cheerleader,
She's the one who gets penalized.
The Bills cheerleading squad, The Buffalo Jills
Were reportedly given a guide book that included rules for
How often to change tampons,
How to properly wash intimate areas,
And how to eat soup.
How to eat soup?
How bad did one girl screw up eating soup to ruin it for everyone?
Of course that's ridiuclous! She's using a salad tampon.
To be fair, the Buffalo Jills aren't mistreated anymore.
Because the program was ended.
After they filed a lawsuit and attempted to unionize.
So it's all sorted!
For everything cheerleaders have to endure, they also get paid absolute shit.
The Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders
Get $150 dollars per game.
The Buffalo Jills earn as little as $150 dollars for the entire season.
Of course they don't change their tampons often enough!
They can barely afford a year's supply!
Then again, they are from Buffalo.
For 150 bucks you could afford a nice four acre farm Then again, they are from Buffalo.
For 150 bucks you could afford a nice four acre farm
Where they can run around and free-bleed.
Professional cheerleading is a demanding job.
But many teams still treat it like a hobby instead of an integral
Part of the money-making machine that is the NFL.
"According to analysts, cheerleaders appear on TV screens"
"for an average of 7 seconds per game."
"That airtime is worth $8.25 million per season."
With those kinds of numbers, minimum wage doesn't seem so much to ask.
No! It really doesn't.
Meanwhile, some mascots are paid as much as 65k dollars a year.
And they're allowed to eat soup however they want!
It's just not fair.
I think football is stupid.
And you know what else? I also think cheerleading is stupid.
No other place in the world has it.
You know if you go to a soccer match in England,
You know what happens at halftime?
Fuckin' nothing!
But I can't deny cheerleaders work hard.
They train for years,
They shouldn't be exploited by their teams.
At the very least, they should earn a living wage.
The Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders may $150 per game.
Because of union rules, if I hired a cheerleader to appear on my show,
I would have to pay her 5 times as much as that.
So tonight, I'm very proud to introduce.
The highest-paid professional cheerleading squad in the country
Please welcome, The Jim Jefferettes!
I'm paying these professional dancers five times as much as the NFL.
And they don't have to be topless.
And I won't tell them how to eat soup!
They can eat it however they want.
And they are allowed to date anyone on the staff!
Even me!
CHEERLEADERS: No thanks!
Okay, that was very quick to answer...
It's a bit hurtful, why don't you let it marinade a bit?
I'm a nice guy, we can be friends!
I'm not going anywhere.
It doesn't matter!
You're still getting paid!
Because we treat our cheerleaders properly!
Thank you, Jefferettes!