-Welcome to "The Tonight Show," ladies and gentlemen!
Thank you for being here. Thank you for watching.
I am pumped about this.
From the new movie "F9," Vin Diesel is here tonight!
[ Cheers and applause ] In studio!
That's right. I can't wait to interview one of the few people
who actually worked out during the pandemic.
[ Laughter ]
And just a heads-up -- Vin's running a little late,
so don't be alarmed if a Dodge Charger
comes crashing through the wall.
That's right. Vin's here to talk about "F9."
And the rumor is that in this movie they go to space.
[ Audience oohs ]
Not to be confused with Vin's other space movie coming out
where he plays sexy Jeff Bezos.
[ Laughter ]
Let's get to some news.
It just came out that Trump's former bodyguard
is the latest member of the Trump Organization
to be investigated by New York prosecutors.
And get this. The guy's name is --
And I'm not making this up.
The guy's name is Matthew Calamari.
[ Laughter ]
Can we take a look at Matthew Calamari?
-Yep. -Yeah.
[ Laughter ] -Yeah.
-Come on. His name had to be Matthew Calamari.
Looks like a bouncer at Olive Garden.
[ Laughter ]
No word yet on Trump's other bodyguards,
Johnny Meatballs, Vinnie Calzone,
and Sammy Shrimp Scampi.
-Hey! Oh!
-Sammy Shrimp Scampi. That's very good.
Well, guys, the White House says
that the country will need a few extra weeks to hit
President Biden's goal of 70% vaccination by July 4th.
That's right. The White House wants to hit its goal so badly,
instead of fireworks, they're just going to shoot
a bunch of Pfizer needles into the sky.
[ Laughter ]
"Thank you!
That was beautiful. That's the finale.
I think that's the finale now."
"No, no, no. Just wait."
"No, no, I know. That's it.
Wait, wait, wait. That's the final--
It was Matthew Calamari."
[ Light laughter ]
According to projections, it will be around 68% by July 4th.
Don't worry, though. Today --
[ Cheers and applause ]
Today, Biden changed the name of his plan
to Operation Close Enough.
[ Laughter ]
Well, some TV news -- last night was yet another
emotional episode of "The Bachelorette."
We love that show, and one of the --
[ Applause ] I know. It's good.
One of the most memorable moments
was when Hunter and Thomas got into a heated argument
about whether Thomas was on the show for the right reason.
If you missed it, don't worry,
because here to re-enact that scene
with actual lines from the show
are The Roots' own Tariq and Questlove.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Thanks, Jimmy.
Tonight I'll be playing Hunter,
a 34-year-old single father from Texas
who's concerned that Thomas is only here for fame,
not to find love, like I am.
-And I'll be playing Thomas,
a 28-year-old real-estate broker from California
who doesn't feel like he's doing anything wrong.
-Very good, guys. Whenever you're ready.
[ Dramatic music plays ]
-So, I hear the conversations that are taking place
with you and other people,
and there's this flipping and flopping and constant smiles.
I mean, it feels -- it feels almost like a campaign.
You know? Like you want to be Bachelor.
I mean, is that something you thought about?
[ Laughter ]
-I would never do anything to hurt you,
so to feel that I come across in any way that is --
This is the result -- -See?
See? That's the problem. The -- I feel manipulated.
It just makes me really worried about Katie
because you could be doing the same thing with her.
And I would like to know -- have you ever thought
maybe I could end up being the Bachelor?
♪♪
-I want to say I appreciate you for being so --
-Has being the Bachelor...
crossed your mind?
[ Laughter ]
-I...don't have the right answer bec--
-So is that your answer? Yes?
You are thinking about being the Bachelor.
Is that what you were saying?
-Uh, look, bef-- before coming here,
I didn't know what to expect.
-I'm not asking what you expected-uh!
Was being the Bachelor...
Was that a prerogative for you?
[ Laughter ]
-Okay.
I can be just genuine to you guys,
and I'm not gonna be.
So...yes.
Coming into this -- this -- I had thoughts in my mind
that I was potentially gonna be the --
the next Bachelor.
-Like, that's messed up.
♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Touching. Thanks, guys. Questlove and Tariq, everyone.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Thank you. Gosh. Whew. That was emotional.
Wow.
[ Laughter ]
Some business news. Coors just launched a new ice cream
that is infused with their hard seltzer.
Yep. They didn't pitch that on "Shark Tank."
They pitched that on "Drunk Tank."
-Oh. -You'll know it's good when
the ice-cream truck accidentally pulls up
in your front lawn.
[ Steve imitates tires screeching ]
And, finally, I saw that NASA sent dozens of baby squid
from Hawaii to the International Space Station for research.
-Ooh. -And I also heard that
the mission is being led by commander Matthew Calamari.