- So why do you still have clutter?
We have talked for a while now
about why it's bad for you,
about how important your environment is
and yet you still have clutter.
And I think that it's really important today
that we talk about the things
that really ultimately are holding you back.
And it isn't that you don't have a system.
It isn't that you don't know how.
Let's get into that
because it is much more than you think.
Now, if this is your first time here, my name is Robyn.
I help overwhelmed people simplify their lives
through organization, productivity,
and creating an environment where they can thrive.
Now, grab your tea and let's go.
(upbeat music)
So when I am talking to people in particular
when I'm coaching people or we're doing our course,
we always start with why we have clutter in the first place.
And ultimately it comes down
to a lot of things like childhood,
some of the Swedish death cleaning instincts
and on and on and on
but for people who really struggle with letting go of things
and who just really find
that they no matter what reach a roadblock
when they are decluttering
and they just cannot create that environment
that is serving them,
there might be something else at play.
And you might be surprised at how easy
it actually is to overcome.
If you really take the steps I'm going to go over.
So a lot of people don't realize
just how much their clutter is impacting them.
And I'm just going to quickly go over that
because I think you probably know that clutter
is impacting you negatively.
I, myself really was struggling
with clutter when I was finding that it made it
so that I could not relax.
I would come home from a long day at the emergency room
and I would just feel like I either need to start cleaning
or I would sit down
because I was just too tired but I would look around
and just be burdened by the mess I was seeing.
Now I made the decision that I was going to declutter
when I actually made the connection
that my environment was not serving me.
However, a lot of people are not making that decision.
And that is one of the most important things
that you need to do when you want to declutter.
Now, a lot of people think they look around
and they go, yeah, I'm going to declutter my house.
I like this mess
but the problem is they're not actually deciding
that they have to choose themselves
over their stuff, they're not looking around
and recognizing that they have not put themselves first.
Have you been putting yourself first?
Have you been deciding that you are going
to keep this pile of things
instead of choosing your own happiness?
Because this pile of things represents something to you
that you feel that these things can help.
Like for example,
maybe it is a hobby that you want to take up
but this is a hobby that you have not started
and you are telling yourself,
no, no, I'm going to do this hobby.
And when I do this hobby
and I am good at this thing, that will make me happy.
Are you trying to make yourself happy
through external things?
Are you trying to always look for the new thing to buy?
Are you researching what kind of car you want to buy
or even what kind of shirts you want to buy?
There was one summer when I was in nursing school.
And I remember I was between semesters
and I don't know why, but,
and this was before I started decluttering,
but I was looking for something
to make me happy at that time.
And I felt like that thing would be a new lunchbox.
And so I spent two months choosing a new lunchbox,
not lunch bag for myself.
I wanted one that held enough things.
I wanted it to be able to hold my salad
and all of these things
because I knew that if I had this lunch bag
I would be bringing the healthy things to nursing school.
And that would help me have more control over my life.
So I really spent a lot of time
researching this lunch bag.
I spent the whole summer every day.
I would spend some time on this, obviously not everything,
but at the end of it, I ordered one.
I don't use it.
It didn't even work that well.
And ultimately, even if it did work that well
and I loved it,
it wouldn't have been worth the time that I put into it.
I was trying to find a way
to fill whatever lack of happiness I had at that time,
by thinking that this one particular thing
was going to make me happy,
maybe it is like I said, you're trying to start a hobby.
You're like, you know what?
I'm going to learn piano.
So you have a keyboard sitting there,
but you're not spending the time
to actually learn the keyboard.
And you have in your mind,
when I have this I will have this hobby
and this will fulfill me.
So you have all of these things
that you are hoping will make you happy
but ultimately they aren't.
And it's the same thing with your house.
You have items that you don't want to declutter
because often we feel like we are letting go of the idea
of a future self that just isn't there.
And we want to make ourself happy
by trying to reach the goal
of being that future self, of having that particular hobby.
When in reality, you aren't doing that.
You are putting your happiness aside
because you are trying to reach the goal of a future self
instead of making the person that you are happy right now.
Ultimately you are not putting yourself first.
Even if we are throwing ourselves into our family
and we are trying to make our family happy
and we are driving our kids to this game
and that appointment and all of these things,
we are putting ourself last
just like we are putting ourself last
when we choose to live in a cluttered environment,
when we are choosing our things over ourself,
when we are choosing to not let go
of the potential future ideal self,
by decluttering these things that aren't serving us
in that just in case situation.
Now I have gone over the Swedish death cleaning
of the clutter instinct,
where we have things around us and it makes us feel secure
or the hoarding instinct
where we like to have things just in case.
And we have things in boxes.
So we know ultimately it makes us feel better,
or of course there's the fear of death,
which in this situation,
I don't know if that applies as much
because I think that for the people
who really struggle letting go of things
and they haven't made the actual decision
that they are going to prioritize themselves,
they aren't even thinking of the fear of death
that time is passing them by
because they are paralyzed
to make any kind of decision,
to make any kind of step for the future.
So perhaps this is you.
And what you ultimately need to do is make the decision.
You need to decide that you are going to put yourself first,
that you are not going to put the idea of who you could be
or the things that you might be keeping just in case
or always driving other people around
or putting others first
instead of putting yourself first,
you can still do those things.
You can still have your hobbies.
You can still have your family.
You can still do all of those
but what you need to do is stop distracting yourself.
You need to sit down
and you need to look around and you need to say, no,
I am no longer going to put myself last.
I am going to choose an environment that is serving me.
You live once in this life.
Take it from me as a nurse in an emergency department,
you live once, you do not want to waste your time
in an environment that is stealing from you,
that is not serving from you.
So if you have been struggling
to get that decluttered home that you want
and you have tried the books and the videos
and the courses, maybe what you really need
is to decide for yourself
and to say, I commit to me that I will be making a change
and that I will no longer be putting myself last
because I am putting myself first.
And part of putting myself first is living
in an environment that is serving me.
And I am not going to have the idea of a future me
holding myself back, or by me distracting myself
with my family or others, by holding myself back.
I am going to put myself in a home that serves me.
Now, if you want some more information
on how to get started with decluttering
I hope this has helped you.
Click this video.
I will see you in the next one.
I'm sorry for the tough love.
I will talk with you later.
Bye.