- Greetings, Earthling.
- Wow. That edible was stronger than I thought.
I do not have time for this.
You need to take me back to Earth now,
or you need to take me to your leader.
And trust me, you're not gonna like it
if I have to escalate.
This ship is fascinating.
Can you give me a tour?
Is that something you do for abductees?
I'd love to see what you got going on here.
Do you mind if I take notes?
To be honest with you,
the planet Earth and humanity in general
are not worth your time.
If I could get out of there, I would.
Speaking of which I'd be happy to join your crew,
but only if there is room for advancement.
Frankly, I do better in management positions.
This is a very overwhelming moment.
Here I am face-to-face with an alien race.
Wait a second.
♪ Face-To-face with an alien race ♪
♪ Outer space in a UFO ♪
♪ Think it's time to go ♪
♪ Go home, go home ♪
♪ ET phone home ♪
♪ Major Tom floating in a tin can ♪
I just wanna make sure you realize
not everyone on Earth is this cool.
So you will not be getting
the most accurate representation of humanity.
However, you will be getting the fiercest.
You hear that little rumble?
Yeah, it sounds like something's wrong
with your particle accelerator.
You better get that fixed
or you won't even make it to the next solar system
before your warp speed locks up.
I mean, I can take a look at it if you want,
but I'm not telling you guys how to run your own ship.
You all have stood back and just watched
as we humans have come this close
to destroying ourselves over and over.
I'm not here to judge,
but that is (beep) up
and you should be ashamed of yourselves.
Here's my address and phone number.
Honestly, stop by any time I've got tons of friends
who would love to meet you.
My mom makes a great tuna casserole.
I've got a blow up couch you can sleep on.
Hey, we can even watch ET together.
Wouldn't that be wild?
Oh, I am so sorry.
That is probably a very offensive portrayal of your people.
Back on my planet, when we have a guest over,
it's good manners to offer him or her some snacks
or at least the freaking beverage, okay?
I'm sorry to use such harsh language,
but you guys abducted me
right before my Uber Eats delivery arrived
and I'm getting hangry.
(low rumbling)
I was getting barbecue!
I'm just curious, long distance relationships?
How do you feel about them?
Because with my last girlfriend,
we never even met in person.
So I feel like you and I already have a deep connection.
This is awesome. Where we going, guys?
Are we staying in the Milky Way,
but going to another dimension?
An alternate universe perhaps?
Oh, which reminds me, while we're here,
what'd you guys think about Pluto?
Is it a planet? Is it not?
I don't even know.
Oh, and by the way, great job on the pyramids, guys.
Like they look great. They're still there.
Timeless design.
Are you gonna perform gruesome experiments on me
and dissect my body while I'm still awake
and can feel every bit of searing pain?
- No Earthling, we're just going to ask you some questions.
- That's so much worse than I thought it would be.
Tell me something.
Whenever we spot your spaceships flying around Earth,
they're usually just hovering over the ocean.
Not really doing anything.
What do you hope to accomplish by doing that?
Because to me, you look like an idiot sandwich.
So everything I've said over the last hour
leads me to conclude that not only are we in the universe,
but the universe is in us.
- I don't understand anything you just-
- Okay, let me expand on that.
Let's go back to the beginning of time.
So we're trying to arrive at
what is the deepest cosmic perspective there is?
And in order to do that, we must step back to the begin-
- It just feels like everything I do,
my whole existence has no meaning, no purpose.
- You know, Glaxator, it's okay.
I think we all feel like that sometimes.
- Thanks, man. You're a really good listener.
And you know, I keep having issues with my girlfriend.
- Oh, really.
- She just keeps talking to other guys and she's being,
I mean it's like, why do women act like that, man?
I don't know how it's like on Earth, but up here in space,
it is very confusing.
I am not a mind reader, okay?
She says she wants one thing,
but she actually wants another thing.
How am I supposed to know?
- [Frank] Yo check out these cool designs
you could be wearing on your own body.
Tap the icon on the screen
or go to the link in the description.
You can be drinking out of cups
and repping your favorite YouTube channel,
which is this one.
'Til next time, stay cool and attractive.