-Welcome back. Haven't seen you in a while.
I'm glad you're here.
-I'm very happy to be here, Jimmy. I love you.
-It's been awhile since I last saw you. How's everything going?
-Things are good.
I mean, I actually just had spinal fusion.
[ Laughter ]
Wow.
You're going to love this. There were a lot of complications.
[ Laughter ]
-Tig, they're not laughing at you.
They're laugh-- [ Laughing ]
Tig, I'm sorry about that.
-My intestines shut down.
-Okay. Ow. -Yeah.
-I'm sorry about that.
-That's okay.
-That's terrible. -As long as I get a laugh.
[ Laughter ]
-No, that's awful. That's awful news.
-I'm doing better. -Good.
-But I was hospitalized for a while with these complications,
and every day that they were adding more time to my stay,
I started to kind of have anxiety and panic attacks,
which I don't normally have in my life.
But I was in so much pain, and it was just being extended.
And they put me on Ativan,
which people take for those kind of attacks.
And of course I was allergic to it.
[ Laughter ]
I started -- Guys.
-I know.
-I started hallucinating,
but I wasn't on my phone much, to say the least.
And then my wife saw me reach for my phone.
And she was like, "Oh, wait. Wait, what are you doing?"
And I said, "Patrick is checking to see how I'm doing."
And she said, "Let me see what you wrote."
And I was like, "Pfft, fine."
I hand her the phone, and she said,
"Yeah, you can't send that."
And what the text said was --
and again, I wasn't trying to be funny.
I was just really responding to him.
I said, "Yeah, Patrick,
things have been getting worse to a towel."
[ Laughter ]
And then in parentheses it said, "I see tractor!"
[ Laughter ]
Exclamation point. And then also, CHB.
And everybody, when I tell them this story, always ask,
"What's CHB?"
-Yeah, what's CHB? -Yeah.
My question is, what is "getting worse to a towel?"
[ Laughter ]
I mean, how does nobody ask that question?
Everyone's like, "Well, yeah,
of course it was getting worse to a towel.
You had spinal fusion."
-What's worse to a towel.
-Yeah, that's when it's bad. -Yeah, I see tractor.
-Yeah, not "a" tractor, 'cause clearly I was in a panic.
It was coming towards me. [ Laughter ]
I didn't have time to write the whole sentence.
[ Laughter ]
-Yeah, you're just reacting -- I see tractor!
-I see tractor. -Tractor, in parentheses.
-I had the wherewithal to put it in parentheses.
And then of course, you know, CHB.
-CHB, what could that be? I have no idea.
-It was nothing, Jimmy. -No.
-I was hallucinating. [ Laughter ]
-Yeah, I got to be honest.
I went up to give you a little high-five earlier
and you didn't -- -I don't give high-fives.
-I didn't -- Did I know that about you?
-Well, it's on national television now.
[ Laughter ]
-Wow, I didn't know.
I thought we've high-five'd before.
-Absolutely not.
-I got excited. I haven't seen you in a while.
We've never high five'd?
-I never experience an emotion that calls for a high-five.
[ Laughter ]
-See, I live constantly in that emotion.
[ Laughter ]
I'm always about that.
-When people go to high-five me, here's what I do.
Go to high-five me.
Question?
[ Laughter ]
And then you say, "Can I high-five you?"
Let's start over. -Alright.
Can I high-five you?
-No, no, no. No.
No, you have to go to -- I said let's start over.
-Okay. -So, go to high-five me.
-Oh.
-Question?
-Can I high-five you?
-No. [ Laughter ]
-You make me do the whole thing?
Why would you be so cruel?
How about a fist bump? Are you a fist bumper?
Ew. [ Laughter ]
What'd you do that for? That was weird.
What would you do that to me for?
What's wrong with you?
-I think all the hand jive stuff is weird.
-Really, you kind of bummed me out a little bit.
[ Laughter ]
Is this on? -Yeah.
-Yeah, this is on, yeah. Of course.
-Is it really? -Yeah, sure.
-If it was turned off, would this show shut down?
[ Laughter ]
-It's kind of a little bit for show business stuff like that.
Old-timey microphone. -Yeah.
-I have used it before.
-I've done other talk shows, and nobody needs one of these.
[ Laughter ]
-That's not true. I mean -- -No, it is true.
[ Laughter ]
-No, it's not. -It is.
[ Laughter ]
-Yeah. -Yeah.
-Because if you want to do -- -Hello.
-It's not working. It's not on. It's not on right now.
But they can turn it on.
It's usually good for if you do a wrestling intro or something.
-Are we about to wrestle? [ Laughter ]
-No, but I can give you an intro like --
-I thought you were setting me up to wrestle.
And I don't know if you remember,
but I just had back fusion.
[ Laughter and applause ]
I see tractor!
-No. Do you -- [ Laughter ]
-I see tractor! [ Laughter ]
-No, do you know what my secret move is?
-Finger in the hand hole?
-No. [ Laughter ]
No, it's the crazy head butt.
Also known as the CHB!
[ Laughter and applause ]
Can you hear this microphone?
-CHB! [ Laughter ]