I am the youngest president
In the history of television for a reason.
I know the people.
Granted...
But the people want to watch the show.
That isn't good enough!
They must be
So scared to miss it. So terrified!
Now, if I were in charge,
And I am. Ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
Perhaps
I can help you.
Here's what I would have done.
[thunder]
Acid rain.
Aah!
Drug addiction.
Uhh.
International terrorism.
Freeway killers.
Now more than ever,
It is important to remember the true meaning of christmas.
Don't miss charles dickens' immortal classic, scrooge.
Your life
Might just depend on it.
[slurp]
Not bad, huh?