"Can you change a nappy?" "Couldn't you get a real job?"
"Oh, is it daddy day-care today?"
"It's so sweet to see a father with his kids." Thank you!
"Can you change a nappy?" I thought they did it themselves.
Don't they do it themselves? Oh, so that's why the flies keep coming!
We hired someone to do that for us. Did you? Yeah.
I just let my kids just run around
with poo in their nappies the whole time.
I feel like they're saying to you,
"You're going to drop it, you're going to put in the wrong bin.
"You're going to mess it all up.
"Because you're a dad, you shouldn't be doing that stuff."
0181-DIAPER.
Yeah, it's happened again...
Yeah, I might have changed about 5,000... Yeah. ..in my lifetime?
I've got twins. I can do two at a time. Close my eyes.
I could probably do it upside down,
underwater, blindfolded now, I think!
Some people told me it's bonding time with them
and I thought to myself, "I wouldn't go that far."
Yeah, I dunno, especially when they've done a stinker.
That's not bonding! I'm not sure about bonding time.
"On baby-sitting duties, then?"
Baby-sitters get paid.
I'm not 16, out to get some extra cash.
Yeah, daddy day-care has lasted 15 months so far.
So, clearly, I didn't read the contract, did I?
There is normally always a comment at check-out about, "Where's Mum?"
"Where's your mum today? What's Mummy up to?
"Oh, you've got Daddy today, have you?"
It's the language that some dads speak, as well.
"Oh, I'm on baby-sitting duties tonight.
"Oh, I'm on daddy duty tonight."
It's like, you're looking after your child!
"So, who wears the trousers?"
What they're implying there is that the person that goes out
and makes the money wears the trousers in the relationship.
It's not like 1973 where, you know, it's all about the dad wearing
the trousers and being the one who brings home the money,
the one who disciplines the children.
You can't do that today. I can't go and tell my missus,
"You're doing this, you're doing that."
She'll be looking me like, "Have you lost the plot?"
I think people still expect you to, as the man,
to be the person that goes out, earns the money and comes home.
There is actually nothing wrong with the guy wanting to stay at home
and the woman working.
There was recently a thing with Piers bloody Morgan
shouting off about dads carrying their babies in slings
and how that's kind of emasculating.
If walking around with a baby strapped to you is emasculating,
then we're living in a bad time.
"A child needs their mother."
The mum has always been seen as that nurturing, soft...
Main carer, kind of... ..main carer.
The mums give the child the bath or feed them or...
Like, sing them lullabies. I can sing. It's a bit husky,
I might miss a few notes, but I can sing, as well.
Obviously, being in a gay relationship,
and there being two dads in this family,
we've sort of had that question asked, "So, which one's the mum?"
You know, that sort of thing. And it's like, "There isn't one."
We don't have a mother in our family.
But what we do have is loads of really strong, powerful,
influential women.
And, I think, I want my kids to be around all of those people,
not necessarily male, female.
Just really, strong, strong supportive, loving people.
"Couldn't you get a real job?"
They don't seem to understand that maybe we HAD a real job
and we had to leave it. It was the most natural thing ever.
It didn't matter that I was a man, it didn't matter that,
you know, my wife was the one going out and earning more money than me.
Who cares?
Am I supposed to just like, spend hundreds of thousands of pounds
that I don't have letting someone else raise my baby
and then go to work all day and then just come home
when she's asleep and never see her?
We don't need that traditional job where you're going out 9-5
and then seeing the kids just to tuck them into bed
and read them a story, if you're lucky.
It doesn't mean that I can't work.
I just don't do your traditional 9-5.
I've chosen the online route.
When she gets older, she'll realise that, yeah, Daddy was around,
rather than, "All I saw was Daddy go to work."
I kind of get the best of both that way.
Yeah, it's the dream scenario, really.
I used to go and sit at a desk all day,
but now I play in the park and play on the scooters and kick footballs.
And how are you finding that? I like it!
"Sorry, mums only!"
Oh, outrageous!
So, there'll be like a toddler group,
and it'll be like, Mums And Music.
Obviously, it's a play on words, but what about Dads And Music?
It's a very alien world. It's a very difficult world.
It's... Especially when you just see pictures of the women,
and it's just "mums only".
Have you had the whole changing-room experience? Yeah.
It is my biggest, biggest, bugbear.
Baby-changing tables,
99% of the time, are in the mums', in the women's loos. Yeah.
You feel like you're not allowed to go into these rooms,
because it's so mummy-fied and it's so woman-fied.
The women will be looking at you going, "Oh, you can't come in,
"can you go and get the mum."
Going into coffee shops and things like that, you just walk in
and it's like, mums with buggies everywhere and you're the only dad.
They'll get their phone out, "999, there's a guy with a baby.
"I'm not too sure if it's his or not.
"I think you might want to check it out." Seriously!
"He's FEEDING it!"
"You must be so bored."
I don't know if people think you're bored
because you're sat at home having to watch CBeebies all day?
Yeah. Is that? But you're not. You're not.
I don't think I've been bored in five years.
I'm not even sure what it feels like any more.
I'd quite like to be bored.
Like, you're bored of your child?
It's not like a flipping Sega Mega Drive,
It's like, "Oh, we have the PS4 now." Bored!
She starts crying in the corner and you go, "Boring!"
I was there when she started walking. Oh, nice.
So, rather than having to hear about it or having to see a video,
I was there witnessing when she was getting up,
maybe taking one or two steps, and then falling on her bum.
Even though she's 15 months, it sounds weird,
but she is, like, my best friend.
Now she's walking and she'll come up to me
and sort of put her head against mine now and give me a kiss.
And there's nothing - I'm almost 38 now -
in all my life, I've never felt that before.
And you get to be outside, you're seeing them learn new things.
They're laughing, they will show you something new every day.
Go to the park, eat ice creams,
play football, go on scooters.
Watch Netflix while they sleep.
It's boring. Oh, man...
Someone said, "How would you breast-feed?"
I'm just like, "I don't!"
So, what I do is I just... "Go on, baby, eat it."
"Yeah, go on. You can have some.
"Nothing's coming out?
"Oh, what now?" Dial 1. LAUGHTER