God, how am I supposed to make something out of this when I’m up against Kubrick?
*ahem* Spartacus is a man who lost everything.
His freedom, his family, hell to this day we’re not 100% sure where he came from because
the Romans took his past from him too, no one bothers to record the history and lineage
of a slave after all.
Our best reconstruction of his early life goes something like this: He’s a mercenary
in Thrace turned Roman soldier turned deserter turned slave turned gladiator.
Now contrary to popular belief, gladiators were seldom killed, but it’s a hell of a
life being kidnapped, shipped across a continent and physically assaulted for sh*ts and giggles.
Even in training, Spartacus ends every day beaten, bloody, and bruised from fighting
at his limits.
But Rome had caught the tiger by its tail.
Here was a man and thousands like him across the empire who spent every day training to
become the perfect killing machine and every night dreaming of freedom but don’t worry
about it, him?
What’s he gonna do?
There’s no way he could ever stand up to his masters, not unless, I don’t know, he
happened to grab hold of a kitchen knife.
[intro]
This video is sponsored by the MagellanTV historical drama Warriors: Spartacus.
Did I say last time that I was sad I’d made a video covering the topics of all but one
of the Warriors series?
Yes.
Have I immediately covered that last one?
Also yes.
I can’t help it, they make researching too much fun!
They place more of an emphasis on Spartacus as the reluctant hero who finds a cause bigger
than himself in the flocks of escapees who come to him for help and they’ve also got
a really cool take on Crassus as the epitome of the banality of evil, this milk toast politician
who does unspeakable things because that’s just business.
If regular documentaries are more your jam, you’ve got to check out Mary Beard, she’s
kind of like the Queen of Roman history.
You can watch these and 3,000 other documentaries 100% free for 30 days by going to try.magellantv.com/jackrackam
or using the link in the description.
Spartacus and his fellow gladiators, about 70 in all, rush down the guards and make off
with a wagon full of their gladiator equipment before running to the hills.
Unfortunately it’s not so easy as to walk away and sneak back into society.
The Roman militia doesn’t take kindly to freedom, so they’re forced to roam the countryside
as a pack of bandits, living off whatever they can steal from nearby towns.
Until the militia surrounds them at their camp on Mt. Vesuvius - yeah, that Mt. Vesuvius
-- which would be epic, but no it was just a regular mountain as far as they were concerned.
But Spartacus notices something -- the Romans have surrounded them on all sides… except
for the sheer cliff right behind them.
So Spartacus wonders… “how strong are those vines?”
They climb down at the dead of night and run through the Roman camp, making minced meat
of an enemy ten, maybe fifty times their size.
But as word gets around of the troupe of gladiators putting the men of Rome to shame, more people
start coming out of the woodwork to join them.
Runaway slaves, herdsmen and shepherds too.
Even some veterans of the Social War swell their ranks, which for context was when basically
all of Italy went to war with Rome and Rome had to give them all citizenship so it could
go back to fighting its neighbors and… itself.
There were some grudges about to die hard, is what I’m saying.
At their peak, the Spartacans were about 70,000 strong, and in most cases spontaneously growing
your army by a factor of a thousand is a good thing!
But for Spartacus… well there’s nowhere in the empire you can conveniently hide 70,000
people.
It’s unclear exactly what his plans were from this point.
It’s fair to think he may have wanted to bring the fight to Rome, but I’m fond of
the theory his aim was to pull a Moses and move everybody to Gaul, maybe pick on somebody
their own size and take some land.
But for Rome, this was unacceptable.
An enemy inside of Italy, who does this Spartacus think he is, Hannibal?
Or… or a Roman?
Y’know usually if there’s an army attacking Rome there’s a pretty good chance it’s
a Roman.
The army so far has been slow to respond, because at the time Spartacus ignited the
revolution, most of their legions were putting down another rebellion in Spain or fighting
their neighbors in Crimea, and because y’know who wants to deploy the whole army to put
down a bunch of slaves, talk about tacky.
They defeat one of the rebel commanders, but Spartacus himself sends them home with their
tail between their legs.
For Spartacus and his followers this was a fight for life and liberty, for the average
Roman soldier… well it’s hard to get inspired at the thought of risking your life to beat
up a bunch of slaves whose primary goal is to leave you alone and never come back.
Back in Rome, no one wants to put their career on the line over a bunch of slaves either.
“Eh, Pompey can handle it when he gets back from Hispania, after all if they do make it
to Gaul --” “No.
I’ll do it mysssself.”
Enter Crassus, the richest man on Earth and the slimiest man in Rome.
A man who built his fortune on the misfortune of others.
Back when Sulla was dictator and murdering anyone who made the slightest move against
him, who but Crassus should come slithering out of the shadows to collect their property.
Even when Sulla was gone, he made it work with the fire department.
“Help!
Somebody help!
My home is on fire!”
“Might I be of sssssome asssissstance?”
“Gah!
How - when did you get here?
Oh thank God, you brought water to put out the fire!”
“Oh no, I’m afraid they only put out fires in my house.
But I’ll buy your home and everything in it for….
1,000 denarii.”
“But I bought it twenty years ago for 30,000!”
“That’s fine, we brought marshmallows too.
You can watch it all go up in smoke or you could walk away with 1,000 denarii in your
pocket.
Your choice.”
Since then, Crassus went on to become a senator, but winning a war in Italy?
Even if it was against slaves, that was an opportunity that didn’t show up every day.
An opportunity with the world “consul” written all over it.
So Crassus takes command of the army.
And for the soldiers who lost to Spartacus the first time…
“Hello everyone, I’m sssso excited to be your new commander.
I want to start with a little ice breaker.
Would everyone please split into groups of ten, and then I want you to draw a number
out of the sorting hat, wooooh~.
Okay, now everyone with a number one raise your hand?
Good!
Keep it raised, now everybody else, I’m gonna come around and hand you a cudgel, and
I want you to beat them to death.”
Which is definitely one way to motivate an army.
And from the moment Spartacus’ army looked up to see Crassus at the head of his troops,
things began to go South.
Literally!
:) Spartacus was driven all the way to the tip of the boot in Italy, and so what does
Crassus do he digs a moat through the entire peninsula.
But Spartacus still held one advantage.
Starving out the rebel army would win the war… but why would Crassus do that when
it doesn’t win him prestige.
The almighty general Pompey was on his way, and if the war ended after he showed up, there
goes all the glory.
Crassus was going to take any fight that he could get.
The only way out for Spartacus was through Sicily.
Draw more soldiers, turn the island into a fortress, force Crassus to cross the sea and
pick a losing battle.
Spartacus pays off a local band of pirates to transport his men to Sicily, but…
“They’re uh… they’re coming back I’m sure…”
“That was all our cash” “I know that.”
“Okay, new plan!
We’ll talk to Crassus, he lets us go free, he gets to say he ended the war all by himself,
I’m sure he’s a reasonable guy, underneath all that, uh… yeah...”
Backs against the wall, the Spartacans break through Crassus’s defensive line, but the
legions are in hot pursuit.
Crassus won’t allow them to slip through his fingers.
He picks off the stragglers, some rebel battalions feel compelled to fight in revenge or retaliation,
the organization just isn’t there.
With nowhere left to run, he turns to fight.
And… his body was never found, but frankly Spartacus got off easy.
Crassus tells the survivors “Fear not, gentlemen.
Your days in sssservitude are over”.
And he crucified them to the last man.
From Rome to Capua he left a gruesome reminder: over 100 miles lined with the bodies of those
who fought for their freedom.
“Picture, friendssss, the image of a boot stamping on a human face -- forever.”