(beeps, clicks, error noise)
(sighs)
- Hey is this IT?
Can you send somebody over?
- Knockity knock.
I heard I was wanted.
(laughs)
I heard you were having a hard time with your hard drive.
- Its weird, I literally just called a second ago.
- I'm pretty fast,
but when things get hot and sticky
I know to take things slowly.
Plus, I like to make sure my clients get the full
bang for their buck.
- This is free, right?
Because this is a company laptop.
You work for the company, right?
- I do indeed.
So, where's my naughty little patient?
- Well this is it, as you can see it's, um--
(grunts)
It's not, doing it. (beeps, error noise)
It's not doing anything.
(shushes) What?
- Calm yourself, man.
It's not like it's the apocalypse, after all.
Now, what seems to be the problem, baby?
Tell me what's wrong.
What did he do to you, what didn't he do to you?
(sniffing) Tell me.
(sniffing) Smell it to me.
- Well, I guess I'm worried
that I might have downloaded a virus.
- You what?
You-- whoa whoa whoa whoa.
Are you telling me that you didn't use protection
when you touched this fine, fine piece of equipment?
- I'm sure there's some kind of
protection software on there, man.
- Oh, you're sure, you're sure.
So it's her responsibility to bring protection to the party.
You're a piece of chauvinistic (bleep).
- Can you let go of my hair?
And I'm not the piece of (bleep),
(shushes) you're the one that's
talking to this like a sex toy.
- Please, please don't interrupt, I'm working here.
- What are you doing?
(beeps)
- I'm licking the camera, man.
(whirs, beeps)
Oh, she's telling me that you never loved her,
that you never touched her in the right way.
That you never touched her at all, really,
you never really thought about her needs.
- Okay. - It's the truth,
you need to hear it man. - Okay, okay.
Are you actually gonna do anything,
you're just gonna talk to it?
- (scoffs) Oh, I'm gonna do something.
I know what you need,
and I'm gonna give her what she aches for.
This might be difficult for you to watch, though.
- If you can fix it, just fix it, that's...
- Okay.
Okay, baby.
Tell me what you like.
(beeps)
Oh.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
(beeps, whirs, error noise)
(gasps) Oh, yeah.
Okay, I'm gonna give you two a little tip
when you're on your own, okay?
A lot of guys will go with the same-old, same-old
that's Control-Alt-Delete.
But I'm gonna introduce you to a little move,
it's a little bit more sophisticated,
it's called (snaps) the Mac Attack.
(clicks keyboard)
Oh, oh,
baby.
Looks like I just hit the spot.
Yeah?
D'you like that?
(clicks keyboard)
(groans)
- Okay, okay, can I see your ID again, man, I--
Oh god.
(groans)
- Okay, maybe you should just get out of here, man.
(groans) I think I'll be okay.
- Don't you interrupt me, we're nearly there, baby.
(groans) - Okay, okay, we're good!
- (bleep) off!
You're ruining my vibe, man, you're ruining my vibe!
(moaning, clicking keyboard)
Is that too much?
It's good?
(moaning, clicking keyboard)
- What are you doing?
(moaning)
Dude, that is--
- Shush, shush, we're nearly there.
We're nearly, we're nearly there.
(groans loudly)
(moans)
- Oh my god.
(sighs)
That can't be good for the computer, man.
- Oh, baby.
C'mere, you, come here.
- Oh, god.
(slap) Oh!
- This, this is just a pleasure.
And it's free of charge, okay? - Thanks.
- Now you're gonna take care of her?
- Okay.
- And if you guys need me,
you got my details, here I am.
- Thanks.
- You two should cuddle. (clears throat)
- Won't be using this.
Ever.
(sensual guitar music)
(card clatters)
(elevator music)