All those opposed, let's get unpredictable.
As you know, I encourage viewers to call in
and leave us voice mails,
but I never have the time to listen to them.
Our crew at
has put some voice mails together
that I've never heard before.
Now, obviously, I'm smart enough
to think of the best things on my own,
but sometimes it's nice
-to have someone help me find the... -Find the right words.
Just a min... Yeah, just a...
Just a...
It's nice to have someone help me find the right words, yes.
Here with me is virtual expert on everything, Kobi Libii.
-(cheering and applause) -I, um...
I have a surface understanding of lots of things, Jordan.
Well, that's all you need.
Chuck, let's fire up the first call.
-(phone beeps) -Hi. My name is Alex, and I'm from Illinois,
the state where the true Republicans originated from.
And my question is what are the tactics I should use
to get the deep state out of my personal life
and out of the thoughts that are in my head.
Thank you. Your show means a lot to me. Bye.
Clearly, listening to that voice,
I'm assuming he lives in his mother's basement.
It's pretty clear from the context
that that's exactly where he lives, Jordan.
You'd be surprised. A lot of the deep state
exists in mothers' basements.
They go deep.
-It's... -It's not just how they pervade the government.
They go subterranean in your mother's house.
There's something about that. I haven't put it all together,
but there's something about this idea
that there's the type of person who is alone,
-living in a basement without any outside jobs. -Oh.
They're usually more attuned to these--
what outsiders would call "conspiracies"
-and we call "putting the pieces together." -Absolutely.
I mean, you couldn't be more right, Jordan.
I mean, these people, they live alone
with nothing but their own thoughts
-rattling around in their head day after day. -Yes.
And for some reason,
the deep state is targeting those people.
Yes. This is what...
You have-- you have to be careful,
because if you let other people's thoughts
-inside your head, -(chuckles)
that's when infection starts.
-That's where the trouble begins, Jordan. -Yes.
When you start listening to other people,
you can kiss your real views good-bye.
Yeah, yeah. I'm definitely an anti-vaxxer
-when it comes to other ideas in your mind. -(laughs)
I haven't been persuaded
by a thing another person said in decades.
(both laugh)
I guess long story short,
keep the other people at bay and just lock the doors
and hope your mom doesn't come back downstairs.
-Chuck, let's hear another call. -(phone beeps)
Hi, Jordan. This is Liz from Newark,
and I have a question.
I feel like everyone's so obsessed
with political correctness these days
that I don't know what I can say anymore.
So what can I say without getting in trouble?
That's a... it's a great question, right?
I feel like, you know, I'm a bit of a man's man.
-(laughs) That's obvious, Jordan. -Yeah.
Thank you very much.
(laughter)
I don't know what the rules are anymore
when it comes to interacting with women.
Jordan, you couldn't be more right.
I mean, how many times have I been on a date,
seen another woman walking by, complimented that woman,
-then, all of a sudden, my date's mad! -Yeah.
It's, like, what?
Do-do these feminists
I guess I should just never talk to women, huh, Jordan?
-Huh. -Yeah. I mean, you get up,
you don't pay, you leave her to pay the bill,
-and suddenly, you're being offensive? -Absolutely.
Right? Yeah.
You're empowering her to take control of the situation.
Absolutely! It's like if you want to have equal pay,
then sometimes you have to pay for my entire first-date meal.
Yeah. I don't know where these lines are, snowflakes.
-We're... -(laughs) Thanks for the call.
We're as lost as you are, caller.
Let's check out one more call.
-(beep) -Hey, Jordan, Anthony Scaramucci.
Having trouble sleeping tonight. I'm a huge fan.
-KLEPPER: Yup. -I love Donald J. Trump, and I know you do, too.
You know what I love most about Donald Trump,
is he tweets after he watches your show, Jordan, okay?
And so, he listens to your show, goes to sleep,
and in the morning, he's firing out those tweets
because of you, babe.
So, what do you love about Donald Trump?
-That's what I'm dying to know. -Oh.
You know what? He brings out a good point.
Like, we do have a fan in the commander-in-chief,
-um, and that's not lost on us. -Mm.
I think to-to know that somebody on high watches television,
uh, to perhaps a... a dangerous amount, uh,
and comments directly with it is, um...
Frankly, we know that...
that puts us in a position where there's a lot of power.
We don't want to abuse that.
-No. I mean... -That would be uncouth for us.
Uh, it would be irresponsible, you know?
We don't
We
-But do sometimes. -We definitely do those things.
Because... from another perspective,
-Mm-hmm. -we can.
(laughter)
When I... I think that's something
-the president understands... -Mm-hmm.
...is that, uh, people on TV are on TV,
which must mean they're important in some way.
And so, even though you're surrounded with advisers
-and people are who are experts in policy... -Yeah.
...with a diverse knowledge
-and an awareness of what a... what a cause is... -Mm-hmm.
...and what those actions might be...
-Aah! (mutters) -Um, uh...
(laughter)
But what he does understand is
that those people don't have television shows.
No, no, they... they don't.
Uh, and, therefore, they don't know what the (bleep)
-they're talking about. -Right?
I mean, I for one have been drunk on power
since the first time someone pointed a camera in my face.
-Exactly. Mm-hmm. -You know?
-And that gives me a credibility... -Mm-hmm.
...that no senior policy adviser can rival, Jordan.
-Yes. -You know?
And you-- your name is on the show,
so the cameras are pointing at you,
and
So when you speak, you speak with the weight of authority...
-Yeah. -...unmatched by any PhD in the land.
-Exactly. -Mm-hmm.
-You know what? Yeah. -Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
(cheers and applause)
Do you want some dumb Poindexter adviser
who
or do you want somebody on TV who just speaks over them?
(laughter)
Thank you for watching, President Trump,
and thank you, Mooch.
(applause and cheering)
All right, Kobi, we're running out of time.
But if you'd like to hear your voice on television,
the best way to do it is work hard.
There are no shortcuts, full stop.
The one exception is...
if you call and leave me a message at:
Ask a question, we'll answer it.
Leave a thought, and we'll tell you if you're right.