Big applause, come on, better.
Come on!
Yeah!
Yo, you know what it is, nothing but illustrious guests
on the number-one show on late night.
That's right.
That's right, you trash bags.
Everybody's favorite dad on "Black-ish,"
star of the new Netflix film "Beats,"
and one funny motherfucker, and friend of the show.
Please give a warm welcome to our guy,
Anthony Anderson, y'all!
Anthony Anderson is in the building!
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
What up, baby?
Yeah!
My guy!
What's up, baby?
Welcome.
Welcome to our show on a real network.
Yes.
I see.
How's it feeling?
We got an audience, we got real cameras.
Y'all got an audience, y'all got real people.
- No flies. - No flies.
What's the-- oh, you see the no flies.
Yeah.
Is that the biggest flex?
Is that the most impressive thing right now?
That's the most impressive thing.
You're all on the old "106 and Park" set right now.
There you go.
Outside right now, Bow Wow tight as fuck, like, yo!
What's going on? How y'all feel, man?
Chillin', man.
I'm a little mad that you melted down both
my chains to make one of yours. - Come on, stop it.
Stop it. It's all good.
Yo!
My chain feeling all-- my neck is feeling all naked and shit.
Yo, I didn't know you were a Dominican Jew.
Yeah.
How did you not know that?
I did not know that. Somebody told me.
I was like, yo!
That's his thing!
No, he's not Jewish!
They're like, no, his wife is.
I was like, OK.
He the Jewish Rachel Dolezal.
- Yeah. - Really?
Pretty much.
I mean, like, I'm a Jewish-adjacent.
Adjacent, OK.
Imagine you in synagogue.
You see his Dominican ass come in with two chains.
You gonna question if he's Jewish?
With the fitted on like, yo, what up?
He got security under wild pressure, like, yo!
Yo!
Yo, y'all niggas gonna read that long-ass paper?
Let's get it.
So yo, you threw your son a--
You mean the Torah?
Yeah, yeah, see?
See?
What the fuck?
When you discuss someone's-- when you
discuss someone's religious documents
the same way as a Backwood--
yeah, I don't know.
I don't know, my guy.
So you threw your-- you threw your son a bro mitzvah?
Threw my son a bro mitzvah.
Yes, I did. Yes, I did.
Wow.
So that's a bar mitzvah without the Jew?
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, you know what's crazy man?
When my son was 12 years old, he came home
and said he didn't feel black.
And I knew where he was coming from.
You know, me growing up in Compton,
him growing up in the suburbs, my family's
still living in the hood.
Him seeing what's going on around with young black men,
and that's not his reality.
You know, and so I had to explain to him.
I was like, look, son, this is your black experience.
You know, your black experience is vastly
different than the black experience
I had growing up in Compton, but that
doesn't make you any less black, because this is your blackness.
And he was like, OK, Dad, I get it.
For my 13th birthday, can I have a bar mitzvah?
Mm-hmm.
And I looked at him.
I was like, you really ain't a nigga, are you?
And I was like, son, we can't do that.
I was like, that's not our heritage.
That's not our culture. And I was like--
and so we were joking around.
I was like, you know what we're gonna do?
I said, I'm gonna throw you a bro mitzvah.
And he was like, cool.
So I had Adidas send his entire eighth grade
class shell toe Adidas.
I had Kangol send hats, I had Gazelle send glasses,
we all had dookie ropes on and Adidas sweat suits.
And it's the best--
to this day.
He's 19 now.
To this day, his friends say it's the best bar
mitzvah they've ever been to.
Did he go to--
Did he go to a bar mitzvah before that,
that put the idea in his head? - No, he did.
He did.
A majority of all his friends in his private school were Jewish,
and so that's where he was, and that's
what he was experiencing.
So we did that, man.
And that wasn't the premise of "Black-ish," but that was what
our pilot episode was about. - Right, I do remember that.
Yeah.
So wait, did you guys do the whole, the chair thing?
We did all that, man.
'Cause I tried to do that in the nightclub.
We got thrown out.
You was in the wrong nightclub, dog.
It was in Philly.
You was in the wrong nightclub.
So yo, this is out of left field, but I'm on--
I'm on line at the supermarket.
I'm high as shit.
I'm in there, and I've got a lot of sugary drinks in my thing,
and I'm feeling bad about it already.
Right.
Then I look at the magazine rack,
and I see you on the cover of "Diabetic Living."
I was like, yo!
Yo, Anthony, you tryin' to tell me something!
You tryin' to tell me something!
No!
Put the Snapple back, nigga!
No, you know-- you know what's crazy?
I've been in that same situation,
and looked at the same picture of me on the magazine.
And had to put all my shit back.
It was Haagen-Dazs, man, it was candy, it was gummy bears.
And I'm like, yeah, yo, I've been there.
I got a bad sweet tooth, bro.
How do I-- how do you-- how do you conquer that?
Well, hey.
Well, it's either type 2 diabetes,
or you put the shit back.
That's how you conquer it.
That's what I'm saying.
No, it is, man.
You've got the new game show, "To Tell
The Truth," with your mom. - Yeah.
We've mentioned it before on the last show,
last time you was here. - I did.
Y'all need to have my moms on the show.
Let's make it happen.
Mama, Desus and Mero gonna have you on the show, Mama.
Let's go. Let's get it.
All right now.
Now we under pressure and shit.
She just gonna show up? - Yeah.
I'll be like, oh, OK.
OK, this is--
before we go on, this is water.
I really thought it was vodka or gin.
Or tequila.
Hit it.
- OK. - Go, Anthony.
Go, Anthony. - Know what I'm saying?
[CROWD APPLAUDING AND CHEERING] - Go, Anthony!
Go, Ant-- yeah!
Oh, yeah, Compton in the house!
You know what?
The show where everyone gets herpes.
Oh, damn!
Damn!
Oh, oh, we giving you a type-- a different type of gift bag.
Right?
We getting ready to put this shit on eBay.
Oh, shit!
You wake up tomorrow like, Desus!
Oh!
Damn, that was strong.
What in the hell is that?
That's that baby making shit.
Little Dominican rum, you're either gonna [MUTED] or fight,
or both. - Both!
[MUTED] while you're fighting.
All right, now, what was it-- what were we talking about?
We were talking about you got the new game show.
Speaking of [MUTED] and fighting,
we were talking about my mama?
New game show got your mother.
What's that like?
Sorry, mama!
Well, you said-- this says your mom
could get a little wild?
A little? Yeah, that's an understatement.
As we're about to see here.
OK, let's see.
What we got?
All right, Miss Doris, name something a new magician
might pull a rabbit out of.
His nuts.
[LAUGHTER]
Any time you got-- any time you
make Steve Harvey do the Night King, and he's just like--
what.
Yo.
Yo, we got our ass beat by the Braxtons that day, too.
It's too many of them. I don't even know.
- It's too many of them. - It's Tamar, Tamera, Tamika.
It's all them T's.
Who was-- who was-- was it Toni?
Toni was coming from threes?
Toni-- Toni was coming from threes.
But we lost because my family was giving answers like that.
His nuts!
His nuts, motherfucker!
When it comes to game shows, do you like hosting
better, or playing them?
Oh, it's-- that's--
Because I see, you know, you got Wayne Brady, you got
"Let's Make A Deal," got Steve Harvey doing,
like, a few other game shows.
- Yeah, no, you know? - Where you at, bro?
You know what?
I'm not gonna lie, man.
I love hosting them.
It's fun to play them, but I love hosting them.
Y'all should get your own game show.
We are.
Either that or get on one.
No, we're gonna be the new bailiffs on "Judge Judy."
You feel me?
We're gonna be like, nah, that nigga lying, Judge Judy.
That nigga lying.
That's not a game show.
That's a game show to me.
Anytime you see someone fly to L.A. over a potted plant,
that's a game show to me.
Come on, man.
They gambling for $500 over there.
That's true. That's true.
All right.
You got a new film on Netflix.
Congratulations, getting that bag.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Trying to, baby.
Trying to.
Know what I'm saying?
"Beats."
Yeah.
It's based on Dr. Dre inventing Beats
by Dre headphones?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
It's actually a coming of age story.
It's basically "Good Will Hunting"
meets "Hustle and Flow."
- Oh, shit. - Whoo!
Yeah, so--
I know when you said that, some white executive was like,
ha! - Perfect!
Slam dunk!
He was doing the money dance. He was like, yeah!
Nigga, you don't even have to show a script.
You just go in there and--
That's it, that's it.
Listen, Dr. Yacub.
Let me tell you something. - Who?
Decent premise.
It's "Good Will Hunting," but with black people.
- Yeah. - We're in!
Sign us up! - Now, wait.
There's a lot of NBA shit going on.
You-- look.
Ain't no lie, y'all fucking suck.
That's-- I mean, I'm not gonna deny it.
You know, for years, man.
But, you know, you got--
you got fans that stick with that shit, though.
Look, when I lived in New York for three years,
I was courtside at the Knicks game for three years straight,
damn near every home game.
I respect that.
So you saw, like, 10 wins?
- Seven. - Seven?
Seven.
And I'm--
I'm a Knicks fan.
I'm not gonna lie, man.
I grew up in in L.A., grew up in Compton, but it was something
about the Knicks that--
they were just gritty, man.
I just loved that.
So speaking of grittiness, that's the same--
is that the same approach you bring
to all your celebrity games, you know what I'm saying?
You throwing elbows in Justin Bieber's chest?
No.
More-- more like lowbridging Chadwick Boseman.
Yo.
Yo, we were doing a celebrity game.
I forget where we were.
And somebody was coming up over my back to get a rebound.
And I had position, and then I just stuck my ass
out, like, you know, Barkley and them would do back in the day.
And motherfucker fell flat on his back.
And it was fucking Chadwick Boseman, man.
Wow!
But this was before--
this was during-- right before they started shooting--
- "Black Panther?" - "Black Panther."
Whoa!
So everybody turned on me.
There was almost no T'Challa.
No!
Yo, and--
You got Shuri mad at you, everyone was like,
yeah, yeah, yeah!
How could you do that to Jackie!
Why you do that to Jackie, man?
He going to challenge him for the throne!
You fighting under a waterfall.
Me and Chadwick talked about this a couple--
about a month or so ago, man.
And he's like, yo, I forgive you, man.
I know you didn't mean to do it.
But it was just crazy how everyone had turned on me
in that game, and they took--
they took Chadwick out the game.
He didn't play no more after that.
They was like, yo, man, you can't-- yo,
you about to fuck up something.
Wow. You know what?
Now that you say that, you could've been Thanos.
Could have been.
Imagine him as Thanos.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah!
Yeah, motherfucker, 'cause I'm coming in the paint!
With a snap and every damn thing!
Flagrant, too, motherfucker!
Yo.
I remember watching you play ball.
Oh, wow.
Against Cory-- against Cory Booker?
Look, look, look.
Oh, no, I missed that one.
How was that?
Oh! Oh, look.
Oh, it wasn't Cory Booker?
No, I'm talking about when you was in L.A., when
y'all shot that shit in Venice. - Look, look, look.
In my defense-- - Look, look, look, look.
- In his defense! - What?
What? How high was he?
- He was high. - And?
He was high.
How many NBA players play high?
No, he was higher than giraffe pussy.
He was high. - Facts.
On the moon.
Y'all know what I'm saying.
Yo, I-- we were-- 'cause first thing we did
was go to a ed-- like, a dispensary.
Dispensary. Yes.
I called it a weed store, 'cause we're from New York.
We went to the weed bodega.
We went to the weed bodega, and they were like, yo,
you can have whatever you want.
And I was like, don't tell me that.
Right.
Because I'm gonna try to be the first nigga to OD on weed.
- Right. - You know what I'm saying?
So then I just grabbed--
I just went like this.
You know what motherfuckers do on the poker table?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I'm just, like, in the car--
You went all in.
Oh, bananas.
Fam, there was a blueberry muffin.
It said, not for consumption by one person,
and not to be consumed in one day.
He ate it in 10 minutes.
- And I ate two more. - No.
Yo, his heart--
Did you say two more?
Two more.
He said, I ate two more.
Yo, his heartbeat was like, dum-dum--
'sup, cuz?
My heart started talking like Ray J, man.
My heart started talking like fuckin'
Ray J. It was like, ay, ay, nigga, I don't know if we gonna
be able to do this, blood.
Ay, look. Ay.
Ay.
Ay, you-- ay, stop.
Look.
Ay, put the weed lemonade down, bro.
I was drinking-- like, there's a shot of me drinking a drink.
That is a 500-milligram weed lemonade.
- No! - Yes.
Facts. Facts.
Yes.
They were carrying around CBD oil,
because they were like, if y'all OD, this will save you.
And I was like, no it won't.
If we OD, we are dead.
Dominican style.
You know what I'm saying?
All right, you've hosted shows about food.
You have one last meal on Earth.
What could it be? - 24 hours to go!
And now, you don't have to worry about, like, diabetes
and cholesterol and stuff.
Oh, if it's the last meal on Earth--
You 'bout to die, nigga.
--you think I'm worried about that, motherfucker?
I'm just saying.
Nigga, I'm drinking a whole big bucket of gravy.
I don't want you to be like, baked chicken and broccoli.
No, no, no, no, no, man.
It's gonna-- it's gonna have to be a 32-ounce,
bone-in, ribeye steak, cooked medium,
with some truffle butter.
Some lobster mac and cheese, jalapeno bacon
cheddar corn muffins, tarragon fingerling potatoes,
and a 500-milligram lemonade.
Whoo!
Yo, you gonna need that to--
[INTERPOSING VOICES]
[INAUDIBLE] box, snack box.
What you want, Anthony?
What do you-- wait.
What's the best steak joint that you go to?
You know, I cook--
I cook my steak the best.
Oh, I seen it.
I seen it on the cover.
You know what I'm saying? You with the full--
- That magazine? - Stop it.
- He was-- - On the grill like--
What was that?
--workin' it.
On what?
On "Diabetes Living?"
No, it was that other mag-- it was
like "Niggas Cooking Steaks?"
It was right next to it.
My man's getting covers all over the place.
No, man, 'cause--
'cause look, man, you broil it.
And then you take it out, man, and you take, you know,
fresh garlic, you take you some fresh rosemary,
some fresh thyme, and throw it in there with some butter,
and then you just baste it.
You just baste it like that.
That's how you- that's how you finish it.
Let me go by Western Beef and be like, yo,
can I get some fresh thyme?
They'll be like, nigga, your time's up.
Get outta here. - Just throw Lawry's on it.
- Lawry's? - Throw Lawry's on that shit.
No!
Some Lawry's!
He said throw some Lawry's on it.
Put some-- throw some Lawry's on that shit.
All you need for a good steak, man, is salt and pepper, dog.
- True. - Facts.
True.
A great cut of meat, salt and pepper,
and then you do what I said, with a little butter,
garlic, thyme and rosemary.
- Talk to 'em. - And you're winning.
- Talk to 'em. - There you go.
All y'all putting that extra shit, bearnaise and all that.
Fuck all that.
OK, you know, watch out, you know.
That shit be rocking.
Also shout out to-- watch out for Anthony's new
show "Steak-ish," like, coming out soon.
Anthony.
You know, homie, we could do this for hours and chop it up,
but we're legally required by Showtime to ask you,
what does your neon sign say?
Right, right.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You know what mine's gonna say?
It's just gonna to be some simple shit.
"Open all night."
Here you go.
You heard?
Open all night.
Got Anthony Anderson in the building.
Get that chicken.
Y'all check out his new film, "Beats,"
on Netflix streaming right now.
You know what I mean?
- Right now. - Yeah.
Yeah. - Check it out right now.
Yeah.
Give it up for Anthony Anderson, y'all.
All right.