Do you ever feel that your words
and your motives constantly get misinterpreted? Or maybe you feel that,
no matter how hard you try to communicate clearly to make
yourself understood that somehow at the end of it
they still don't understand the meaning behind what you're saying.
And therefore, there's always misunderstandings. Well this if this is you and you're uh,
you're wondering to yourself, well, how do I ensure that
I stop being constantly misunderstood?
How do I make sure that my thoughts are clear, and therefore my words are clear and therefore,
I don't have to be worried that other people are misinterpreting my intentions?
How do we do that? So, that's what I want to share with you
in this video. I'm in the car right now,
but I just want to assure you that I'm not driving.
I do this often, you know,
I just recorded, just finished recording another YouTube video.
And I want to record a video on my way back.
I want to make efficient use of my time and somehow,
a lot of you have been wondering, well, are you driving?
If you're driving, don't record a video. I want to assure you that
I'm not driving, if my eye gazes on that side
it’s because the scenery around me is quite beautiful.
And so I'm captivated to look at some of the scenic routes that we are taking. Right.
So I want to share with you in this video, how do you make sure that your
communications are clear that your audience
and your listeners understand the meaning behind what you're saying?
So that there are no misunderstandings. You see one of the biggest blockages to having
clear communication is that we're constantly making assumptions.
We assume that people understand us.
We assume that we're listening to what you're, the listeners
are responding to us and we're assuming that what we're saying
people are understanding and a lot of these assumptions lead to miscommunications
when we don't take the time to understand,
okay. There's a barrier here. There are some filters going on or I'm really,
I really didn't hear what they said back to me,
right? So understand that first of all,
when it comes to any level of communication,
it could be at work at a meeting to your higher-ups or simply to a friends and families.
No matter what type of conversation you are in.
The onus is on you as the communicator to ensure that your message gets across in a clear
and understandable way,
right? The responsibility is on the speaker, not on the listener to have that clear understanding.
And the reason why this is important, because I often hear this in my coaching programs,
and also clients who work with me, right.
They have this resentment or this frustration,
in terms of why couldn't they just understand what I'm trying to say here?
Isn't it obvious what I'm trying to say?
And anytime we blame someone or put the responsibility on the listener,
then we are we are illustrating a lack of control.
Here's what I mean by that. Isn't it
true? Wouldn't you agree that anything outside of you
you have absolutely no control over, it’s zero control.
So, if the responsibility now is on the listener,
which is outside of you, it's not you then you illustrate a lack of control,
but if you take full responsibility of it,
and this is extreme responsibility, extreme ownership that,
yes, this is my responsibility.
I'm going to own it. This is my intent that I'm going to communicate in a
way and assure that there is a clear understanding that we're not understanding different things.
And therefore when you do it that way and you take that ownership that responsibility,
now you're illustrating control
because the only thing you can control is
what you say and how you respond to misunderstandings that result that come as a result of it.
So that's the very first step is to take that ownership not
giving your responsibility to someone else
because giving responsibility to someone else is giving away your own power.
The only power that you have control over anyways,
right? So when it comes to being clear and understandable,
Here is the principle behind it. Understand this the essence of communication is that every
individual that you can possibly be in a conversation, with every individual
what they desire is that they want to be loved and appreciated and understood for who they are.
Meditate on that. I want to pause so that you can meditate on that. Every individual
and any individual,
no matter who you can see, speaking with they desire
most to be loved and appreciated and understood for who they are.
So if that is the principle of relationships is the principle of establishing connection
and trust and understanding between you and another person.
If that's the essence of it all, wouldn't it make sense to understand who they are?
Because that's what they desire is to be understood for who they are.
So, wouldn't it stand true? Wouldn't it stand to reason,
then that one of the most important things you can do to avoid being misunderstood,
is to understand who they are. So that in your communication,
you can speak towards it. And that is the really the first step.
And that's why it's so important to understand who they are,
because who they are, is more than just their job title
or how they make a living or their achievements in life,
or what they're doing in the moment. That’s not who they are,
who they are, is essentially what's important to them,
what they value most on their hierarchy of values.
What are their top priorities? What are they dedicating their life towards?
What are they dedicating their time, and efforts, and their visions towards,
right? That tells you who they are because whatever they do value and this is the same for you.
Whatever you do value, whatever is genuine on your list of priorities,
that is a formulation of how your perspectives of the world around
you will be, that formulates your decisions.
How you feel about certain things, your thoughts, your beliefs,
and your philosophies, and aren't those
the elements that make up who you are, anyways.
So, when you understand who they are, it's important
what's important to them? The second step is now to understand that what's
important to them is not necessarily important to you
because every individuals values and their hierarchy of values is like a fingerprint.
No two people are going to be the same. So if they value,
if they if something is important to them it’s not necessarily important
to you and that is the source of miscommunications and misunderstandings, right. Because that's why,
and that's exactly why sometimes even the most innocuous statement
could be misunderstood to have tremendous implications.
Now, let me give you a concrete example of how this plays out.
Let's say, for example, I'm communicating with somebody
and I simply want to tell them that I received their email
and I'm just going to get back to them tomorrow.
I'll get back to you tomorrow on your email. Right?
And let’s say that's what I'm communicating to this individual,
right? I got your email and you know, I'm going to get back to you
tomorrow on your email. Now.
This is where some misunderstandings can occur.
Let me illustrate my point. Let’s say I want to say that to somebody
and this listener that I said it to places
a very high value on punctuality,
and that's what's important to them. They dedicated their life towards it
and that is their identity.
I'm a punctual person, right? So if that is their high value,
they place a high value on punctuality. Then if I send that to them
they may perceive me that this is disrespectful
and therefore,
I could be misunderstood as somebody who does not respect them.
Right, so that's the first example. Now let’s take this just carry this a little bit further.
Now, let's say instead I'm talking to somebody else and I'm telling them,
hey, I'm just going to get back to you tomorrow on your email.
And let’s say that this new listener that I'm saying that exact statement to
let's say that their highest value is on career growth,
right? Climbing the corporate ladder getting getting ahead in their leadership in their industry.
Let's say well that's what their value, their highest value is
and they're dedicating their life towards that. and so,
then, therefore if you ask them who they are, their identity revolves around a leader
in their industry, revolves around becoming an executive or maybe c-level.
So, if I said that that same exact statement to a person whose value is career growth,
and leadership, and climbing the corporate ladder,
then it could be possible that they misunderstand me now.
And there, they understand their understanding of that of
what I said is that I'm putting a delay on helping them as a way of flexing
my own seniority. Meditate on that
and the different responses come to come as a result of what is important to them.
And that is the filter through which they see they receive what they hear.
It is the filter that literally produces what they heard,
as a result of what you just said, right?
So meditate on that, rewind, rewind the video and listen to that
again, if you need to, I'm encourage you to do that.
So and so on and it depends on who you're speaking with what's important to them.
That is the filter through which they hear and produces what they heard
as a result of the same thing that you said and think about it.
This is what they misunderstood you to be,
or misunderstood your intentions to be, but that's not what you said.
That's not the exact word you said, you didn't tell them
I disrespect punctuality. You didn't tell the second listener that,
you know, I'm flexing my seniority. You didn't say those things,
but you didn't say exactly that. You didn't even discuss it,
but that's what they heard. Okay.
So what can you do? What can you do
as a result of it? I wanted to set that set that foundation of the real
reason why these misunderstandings occur.
So wouldn't it stand to reason then if the first principle is
true and the illustrations I showed you you can resonate with,
wouldn't it stand to reason that one of the most important steps you can take to avoid,
being most misunderstood from this point forward,
no matter who you're speaking in front of is to take the necessary initiatives
to understand what's important to them? What they,
what is on their priorities of values? And then therefore what they,
what they value most on their list of values. And then,
that way, you can understand exactly how they identify themselves.
Right? Once you understand that, then you understand how they identify themselves.
And then there's that, is that now you can communicate
what is needed to be said
as a result of saying it in the terms of
what they value and you do it with genuine care and concern.
Because when you genuinely care about somebody that you want this relationship to produce fruit.
You want this collaboration to produce fruit
or the the project that you're working on to produce fruit.
And therefore, you genuinely cure care about that person's growth
or you care about that other listeners punctuality or their values towards that.
And you genuinely care about their values.
Then if you care enough, then you will take the initiative to explore,
what is important to you? How can we make this a win-win situation?
How can I support you towards helping you achieve what your top goals are your real objectives?
How can I support you in that? And through that caring concern,
that compassionate understanding of how can I speak into their values?
That is how you can ensure that you are not going to be under,
not going to be misunderstood. Care
enough about your listeners to understand what's important to them.
And then honor what they value, honoring what they value doesn't mean you dishonor what
you value. It's possible to be absolute in respect in mutual
respect and understanding, in inequality with one another by honoring
what they value and honoring what you value, right.
So if you heard this, I want to hear from you.
If you heard this, I want you to be able to take one key takeaway
from this and an action step moving forward.
If you're still unsure, how do I apply this to my particular situation?
Because there's been a lot of conflict. There's been a history with this person
and they seem to have a perspective
of me that does not seem to change
and there's some uniqueness about your situation and you want to know how do I apply this?
Then I invite you to work with me because every week I coach,
I teach on communications, I coach clients executive coaching on
how can you, how can you change this situation?
How can you influence your teams? Especially higher-ups,
who really are looking towards you for leadership,
but you understand that their perception of you is important for your own career growth.
So if you want to work with me
and and you’re serious about developing this skill set so that you can change the situation.
No longer be misunderstood for your intentions, right. Achieve
the your most meaningful career goals then apply for my coaching program.
The link is below this video. The description below this video,
click on that link. Submit your application
and somebody either myself
or someone from my team will reach out to you
and we'll have a conversation with you just to explore if it's the right fit in it, and
how I can genuinely work with you to help you achieve your meaningful outcomes.
So, if you're serious about it, then click the link below
and I look forward to having a conversation with you, having
you on the inside and I'm excited
for the things that you can experience, the potential of contribution
you can make in this world. Right? And if you haven't done so subscribe to my channel,
ring that bell. If you're not ready for coaching
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because every single week I release videos like this on topics related to communication
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And I'm delighted and grateful to have you here and to learning from my insights on this channel.