[Bulma reading the above]
[Please keep these captions clean for those who need them. Funny extras can be added to the English (Canada) subs. Thank you!]
BULMA: Hey, Yamcha!
Thanks for coming by and picking up the rest of your stuff.
YAMCHA: Hey, no problem!
I mean... didn't have to, y'know... throw out most of it...
BULMA: Eh, you were dead and it was taking up space.
OOLONG: Much like your corpse.
YAMCHA: Ha ha! Ah... where did you bury me anyway?
BULMA: Bury?
[Flies buzzing]
OOLONG: So, Bulma, how's the single life treating you?
BULMA: It's been nice actually, had a dream about Vegeta last night--
YAMCHA: You slut!
BULMA: We were walking in a park!
YAMCHA: You slut!
BULMA: OK, first off, we're not even dating!
Second of all, I don't even like him.
Third, he's probably running out of fuel soon, so God knows if he'll ever make it back here.
{BOOM}
VEGETA [off-screen]: I'M BACK, BITCHES!
[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫]
♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫
♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫ (With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)
♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫ (Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)
♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫
PANCHY: Sweetie, roll out the cot! I think we have a visitor!
DR. BRIEF [o-s]: Is he colored?!
PANCHY: I'm not sure, I never open my eyes!
YAMCHA: Hey, you've got a lot of nerve coming back here!
VEGETA: Oh, a valet. Neat. I'm not tipping.
YAMCHA: Don't you remember who I am?! We fought when you landed on Earth!
VEGETA: No, I fought Kakarot. *Nappa* fought everyone else.
Well, except for that one scrub who got killed by a Saiba--
Hahaha!
Hahaha! Ahahahahaha!
Hahaha! Ahahahahaha! AHAHAHAHAhahaha!
Hahaha! Ahahahahaha! AHAHAHAHAhahaha! YAMCHA: Oh, yeah?! I dare you to come over here and laugh at me!
YAMCHA: Oh, yeah?! I dare you to come over here and laugh at me!
VEGETA: Ha...
VEGETA: Ha... ha...
VEGETA: Ha... ha... ha.
YAMCHA: Yeah, see, now we can laugh together?
BULMA: OK, seriously, we have enough to clean up without a pool of Yamcha's urine.
You, come with me.
VEGETA: What? Why?
BULMA: Because you need a shower! I could smell you from East City.
VEGETA: (Grumbling)... Pacific Ci-- smell you from East City... (grumbling)
YAMCHA: 'Yeah, you better run...' VEGETA: (Grumbling)... Pacific Ci-- smell you from East City... (grumbling)
BULMA: Hey, I'm setting out some new clothes for you, and I'm gonna wash your armor!
VEGETA: Fine, but be careful! Those are dry clean only!
BULMA: Whatever.
VEGETA [o-s]: No, seriously, they lose their elasticity!
[Door shuts]
...Hello?
KRILLIN: So... Vegeta's living here now?
That's neat.
YAMCHA: The man single-handedly responsible for murdering most of the entire gang is taking a shower in the other room.
"Neat" is not the first word that comes to mind.
BULMA: OK, so I just got a look at Vegeta's ass, and besides being surprisingly nice, he's got this weird hole.
YAMCHA: Uh, yeah, even boys have those, Bulma.
BULMA: No, you idiot! I mean a hole *above* that one!
YAMCHA: ...You mean he's a chick??
VEGETA [o-s]: Earth-woman! Where's the cleansing powder?
BULMA: We don't have that here, we have soap!
VEGETA [o-s]: The hell is "soap"?
BULMA: It's that yellow block there made of animal fat!
VEGETA [o-s]: That sounds *awesome*!
{CHOMP}
Blah! This tastes nothing like what you just said!
YAMCHA: OK, I change my mind, this *is* pretty neat.
VEGETA [o-s]: Is that the beta male?!
BULMA: No! Krillin just got here!
VEGETA [o-s]: Oh *God*, they're *breeding*!
I swear, the only thing I hate more than weaklings, is the color pink!
[Sounds of Vegeta getting out of the shower]
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!
KING COLD: There it is...
The home of the brute who dared lay hands on my darling little angel.
FREEZA (cyborg voice): Yes, Daddy.
KING COLD: What a pretty little blue pearl it is.
What was it called? "Ee-arth"?
FREEZA: Actually, it's pronounced "Earth", Daddy-Daddy-Daddy-Daddy.
{BZZZT} FREEZA: Actually, it's pronounced "Earth", Daddy-Daddy-Daddy-Daddy.
KING COLD: Really? But there's an "A" in it.
I'm just going to keep calling it Ee-arth.
FREEZA: It doesn't really matter anyway. Soon, it'll have a brand new name...
*Vacant Lot*!
VEGETA: Son of a BITCH!
YAMCHA: What, still ticked off about the shirt?
VEGETA: No, I'm-- well, yes actually, I'm absolutely livid. But that's not the point!
That idiot Kakarot *failed*! Freeza's *still alive*!
TIEN: Chiaotzu... do you feel that?
There are two enormous power levels approaching the planet.
CHIAOTZU: Yeah, see, last time this happened...
I blew myself up.
TIEN: Yeah, I was gonna ask you to hold off on that this time.
PICCOLO [o-s]: RAAAAAAAAAaargh!
NAIL: 'See, now we just have to carve out an area and then we'll start building the hi--'
'eyyy, do you feel that?'
PICCOLO: Freeza?! NOOOOOOOOOooooo!!
NAIL: 'OK, I'm right here! Please stop yelling!' PICCOLO: Freeza?! NOOOOOOOOOooooo!!
KRILLIN [via phone]: Oh God, Gohan!
KRILLIN [via phone]: Oh God, Gohan! It's him it's him
KRILLIN [via phone]: Oh God, Gohan! It's him it's him it's him it's him
KRILLIN [via phone]: Oh God, Gohan! It's him it's him it's him it's him it's him it's him
KRILLIN [via phone]: Oh God, Gohan! It's him it's him it's him it's him it's him it's him it's him it's him
KRILLIN [via phone]: Oh God, Gohan! It's him it's him it's him it's him it's him it's him it's him it's him it's him it's him
KRILLIN [via phone]: Oh God, Gohan! It's him it's him it's him it's him it's him it's him it's him it's him it's him it's him it's him it's him!
GOHAN: Krillin, calm down! Now are you sure it's him?
KRILLIN: Gohan, once you've had a man inside of you...
...you know when he's coming.
GOHAN: Mom! Where's my Saiyan suit?!
VEGETA: Woman! Where is my Saiyan suit?!
CHI-CHI [o-s]: It's under your bed!
GOHAN: Thank you!
BULMA [o-s]: It's in the wash!
VEGETA: You bitch!
Alright, judging by how quickly his power level is closing in, he should be here in about--
YAMCHA: Hey, so I need to talk to you about Bulma!
VEGETA: You cannot be serious!
YAMCHA: Look, we're not dating anymore, but still, she's a really close friend and--
VEGETA: You are actually doing this right now.
BULMA: Hey, guys!
VEGETA: Oh, great! And she's here too!
Why don't all you idiots just start showing up?!
KRILLIN: Hey, Vegeta!
VEGETA [o-s]: I was f*cking *kidding*!
YAMCHA: Tenshinhan! Chiaotzu!
TIEN: Huh, looks like we got here in time.
Oh hey... Vegeta.
VEGETA: What?
TIEN: Nice shirt.
VEGETA: And there it is!
Now all we need is the Namekian and we'll have the whole potpourri of pathetic.
PICCOLO: Uh, been here the whole time, actually.
VEGETA: Oh, what do you want? A medal?
PICCOLO: ...Nice shirt.
VEGETA: Kiss my ass, green man.
PICCOLO: Yeah, it's the kind of shirt that really screams--
HUH...!
HE'S COMING!
KRILLIN: He's landing over there!
PICCOLO [o-s]: Wait, now he's pulling back.
KRILLIN: No, now he's--
Going back that way...
What's he doing?
FREEZA [via speaker]: Daddy, we can park anywhere we want!
KING COLD [vs]: Now, son, if this is anything like that jockstrap incident, we don't want to get boxed in.
KRILLIN: So has anyone else noticed that there are *two* power levels around the same strength on that ship?
VEGETA: Yeah, it's probably his dad.
YAMCHA: He has a father?!
PICCOLO: Makes sense. Everyone has a dad.
...'Ceeept me.
VEGETA: Ha! Your dad's dead!
PICCOLO: So's yours!
VEGETA [o-s]: HA!
GOHAN: So, essentially, we have two opponents of equal strength that my father could only beat after fulfilling an ancient alien prophecy.
Does anyone in particular know exactly what we're doing here besides trying not to lose it?!
YAMCHA: Guys, we are so screwed! I don't know what we're gonna do! I mean this is completely crazy! Why did I come here again?! We're going to die!
I'm gonna die again! I don't wanna die again! Dying once is bad enough! Oh go-ha-hah! KRILLIN: You know, if he weren't doing it... I would.
VEGETA: We don't need Kakarot or anyone else.
You have enough badass Saiyan on your team as it is.
Now if you'll excuse me, you all can just sit on your hands while I go up there and take care of business.
GOHAN: Or - maybe we could hide our power levels, sneak closer to them, survey the situation from up close, and, perhaps, catch them by surprise?
VEGETA: Y'all are bitches.
KING COLD: Well, son, is this what you were expecting?
FREEZA: My God, this is droll.
We're so far out in the space sti-ti-ti-ticks, there's not even a space Radioshack,
much less a space Best Buy-Buy-Buy-Buy--
{BZZZT} much less a space Best Buy-Buy-Buy-Buy--
Circuit City.
KING COLD: Are you alright?
FREEZA: Yes, Daddy, just processing.
KING COLD: And wouldn't you know it, no place to buy more RAM!
FREEZA: But I won't lie, Daddy. I'm absolutely ecstatic.
When that filthy monkey arrives back on the planet, he'll return not to the smiling faces of his dear friends and family...
but a Total. Unadulterated. *Genocide*!
Speaking of which... Soldiers! The scavenger hunt will proceed as such:
* Normal human heads are worth one point.
* Normal human heads are worth one point. * Namekian heads are worth twenty.
* Normal human heads are worth one point. * Namekian heads are worth twenty. * Filthy half-Saiyan brats, fifty!
And if you find any miserable,
And if you find any miserable, odious,
And if you find any miserable, odious, insubordinate,
And if you find any miserable, odious, insubordinate, full-blooded
And if you find any miserable, odious, insubordinate, full-blooded monkey
And if you find any miserable, odious, insubordinate, full-blooded monkey garbage...
you win!
Well, off you go!
MOOKS: Yes, sir!
(???): So...
how many points are those?
[♫ Closing theme (DBZ intermission) ♫]
YAMCHA: Oh my God guys, I don't know what we're gonna do here, I- I mean I can't do anything! This is completely insane! I- ike- I'm talking completely, and totally, out of your mind insane! I mean look at thi- look at those guys! I mean I can't see them but I can know they're there! And that's bad enough! I-I-do-Oh-ger- there it goes, there goes my pants- I can't believe! My pants are-- moist now! I mea- no, no no, I'm a man, I'm a ma- OH GOD I'M NOT A MAN ANYMORE WHAT DOES IT MATTER IF I'M A MAN- A WOMAN- A MONKEY! Ehuh! I'm talking nonsense right now...
FAULERRO: I-- that literally devolved into nonsense.