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today is day seven of Christmas tired
because this year I am celebrating 12
days of Christmas
you can find the other videos in the
series linked in the description down
below and yes I am wearing my pajamas
because it's one of those kinds of days
so I mentioned in the comments
yesterday's video how do you bounce back
so quickly I don't I'm just capable of
putting all of my energy into 30 minutes
of filming and then that's it if you're
not already subscribed then click or tap
the button below and make sure you turn
on notifications so you don't miss
anything today we're going to have a
little chat about ways you can be a good
friend to a disabled person like me the
start of the year is a time of great
reflection and change metaphorically
obviously much like a birthday don't
actually feel very different from one
day to the next
I personally mark the start of the year
by considering where I was 10 years ago
it tends to put to perspective just how
far I've come
considering I've spent much of my
teenage years entirely dead bound it
also makes me prouder of where I am now
I mean obviously there are things I miss
from 10 years ago my grandparents for
instance but generally life really does
seem to be looking better yo and yeah
even if my body isn't I mean it isn't
all silver linings though obviously one
of the things I tend to ponder on deeply
at the turn of the year his friendships
those lost and those gained this
particular comes from the yearly
exchange of Christmas cards have I even
spoken to this person since the last
time I sent them a festive card have
they moved country and we're so out of
touch I didn't even know do I still want
this person in my life and with my
birthday being in January I dropped my
party invite list at the start of the
year so I tend to really think about who
just isn't part of my life anymore on
the flip side there are wonderful new
people who have entered my life
and become firm friends I moved schools
a lot when I was younger and then I
became really ill when I was in sick for
so I had to take loads of time off
school and by the time I came back
everyone else had moved on new
friendship groups to be firemen's have
ever struggled to make friends I'm a
yellow personality after all
watch our color code
video - no one earth I'm talking about
that but I feel sometimes like they
weren't very deep friendships I had a
lot of people I was very friendly with
but just a few I actually cared about
and I didn't tend to know each other so
I didn't get to do like a good friend
thing much and I always wanted a friend
style group I mean probably most people
want a close friend group that's not
exactly revolutionary Jessica Thanks
people ask me a lot about my experiences
of dating with just 30 but I've actually
found making friends whilst having a
disability to be way harder
people have to be immensely forgiving I
will cancel on you with very short
notice I have to be late sometimes
because I literally could not get up off
the floor 20 minutes before the party
started and I will definitely forget
simple things in an incredibly annoying
way hmm which is not to say that any of
the friendships I have lost over the
years I directly caused by my
disabilities or that I'm trying to put
blame on someone or anything like that
it's just that people grow and change
unlike a marriage where you're always
working as a team and the idea is to
grow together it's incredibly easy to
put a friendship down forget about it to
not put the hard work in much like
dating though meeting new people in the
hope of starting a friendship is very
hard when you have to subvert your
health condition we don't tend to leave
our houses much traditional group outing
places aren't particularly accessible
some people grow a great deal of ablest
prejudice or are well-meaning but
incredibly embarrassing or embarrassed
about talking to someone who they know
has a disability according to research
from disparate tragedy scope 85 percent
of young adults for the disability feel
lonely and as a result over half of
working age disabled people who have
felt lonely in the past year so they
experienced depression that's 62 percent
of them felt they experienced depression
and them us 62 percent of us experienced
depression 58 percent experienced
anxiety and just and a half experienced
stress lice elation see within my week I
tend to see Claudia my wife obviously we
live together Clara my best friend and
Cara on weekdays
my favorite sign language interpreter
Ruthann my dog's Walter and Tilly most
weeks I also see my sister-in-law her
husband and their baby I mean that's not
really a lot of people but now I also do
finally have a group of friends who live
near me Riley and we talk often pre-much
daily in their own little group chat
where we also send each other hilarious
memes or embarrassing pictures and we
get together for no reason and they're
all super sweet and cater to my needs
without making a thing of it hallelujah
and maybe that's an age thing maybe
they're all just excellent human beings
maybe my taste in human beings has
improved which brings us to ten ways to
be a better friend to a disabled person
now I realized if you're watching this
you're probably one of the awesome
people who already knows a lot about how
to be a good human but if you would like
to educate your far further or you're a
disabled person who wants to help
educate others also disclaimer having
disability doesn't mean that you know
everything about all disabilities then
I'm going to be buried and we all have
very different experiences basically you
just have to ask it's all individual
basis but I wanted to make a list video
anyway feasel to share this video with
your friends and add your own
suggestions in the comments a good
support network is one of the most
important factors in managing a
disability here are my top tips given
whilst I makes you paste responds
because today Jordan I are exchanging
seven swans a-swimming presents and I
couldn't think of anything else
number ten acknowledge the person's
disability no there's namby-pamby around
ah
honestly nothing makes me feel more
valid and notice than when an
able-bodied person says well I've got a
virus today I feel really really bad but
this must be what it's like you all the
time respect respect to you too my
friend
okay none of my friends actually so try
that and that's the claim to be Aretha
Franklin 9 but also don't make
everything about their disability oh so
you can't go to that crazily
inaccessible mini-golf place because
your friend uses a wheelchair losing
their wheelchair today so now you all
have to rearrange and you have to go to
the ball area instead how would you need
to tell the person you don't I'm sure
your friend is plenty aware of what they
can and cannot do and where they can and
cannot go and how annoying that is for
them
following on from that if someone has
told you that something has a medical
reason behind it don't question it
Wow you drink a lot of diet coke yes I
do
it so I don't faint constantly and so I
don't feel nauseous actually funnily
enough my doctor told me that I should
have it don't you buy out all those
chemicals in your body though
ah well eh you should see the other
chemicals my doctor prescribes me with a
better than painting and vomiting all
the time see you have no right to make
me feel guilty about my body and D is
that class about Corinne your hand don't
pretend to have an expert opinion on a
person's body when you are neither their
doctor nor have their lived experience
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number seven be flexible particularly if
your friend has a condition that
fluctuates and affects their health from
their body but in a rather up-and-down
manner because yes they could do that
with you yesterday but no they can't do
that with you today however they are
still the same awesome person so just be
flexible where they can't be six small
gestures can go a really long way
whether that's picking up some shopping
on the way over often to tidy them a
little bit while you chant taking them
to the cinema and handling everything
what could seem like a small thing to
you can be a really big thing to that
person just ask them what they might
need a little help with but small acts
of kindness always show that you care
but try to avoid the kind of generic
terms and phrases like oh we all have
sad days - you're chronically depressed
friend or I get really tired this time
of year too - your friend with chronic
fatigue you don't look bad to your
friend who is two steps away from dying
we all have to go sometime
your friend who's terminal ok but wait -
b25 you're that much of an I
don't we think they're your friends will
tend to use these phrases of way to be
nice to people and connect and that's
good but also just make sure you're not
minimizing their situation
number four avoid talk of cures or
alternative therapies just because it
worked for your aunt Janice who has a
completely different condition to mine
does not mean that I really want to hear
about it don't suggest solutions and who
are actually presented with the problem
and if you dare come at me with your
yogurt or kale you are off the Christmas
card list
number three if you don't know what to
say
just say that I'd much rather hear oh
don't know what the right thing to say
is but I really feel for you right now
and I love you rather than an incredibly
awkward silence
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number two research your disabled
friends condition feels creepy isn't
they probably spend a lot of time
educating people on exactly what it is
that they have and how it affects them
obviously you had near everything about
a person from just their diagnosis and a
quick google but at least we'll have a
base knowledge that you can then build
upon by just you know asking them things
but not too many things listen to the
person that the expert don't question
their diagnosis or medical treatments or
even how they're feeling unless you
actually have some knowledge in this
area and if you are even that and by the
way I mean a doctor is not an ability to
go go listen when they just want to vent
and get angry everybody needs to be a
little bit self pitying sometimes and if
they immediately afterwards went to snap
back to everything is fine and good you
just go with that it's important to ask
how you can help or if they even really
need your help I think want your help
before just jumping in especially don't
know if anyone's wheelchair without
asking that's that's irritating that's
really irritating and don't take a blind
person to a different spot because you
think that's where they're aiming to go
might not be and also personal space
just sum up this whole point though just
listen really listen to the person's
answer
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say yo 10 top tips and a choux pastry
swans what could be better
please leave your tips in the comments
down below I'm very interested to know
what do you think and also subscribe if
you're not already and please share this
video with your friends
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