I never thought it would happen like this.
Just, for a moment, think of how many kids sent letters to video game magazines - and
you certainly had your pick back in the 90’s - asking the same question: When will Mario
and Sonic be in the same game?
And these people, answering these letters...
these adults whose calling it was to yammer on about video games, always offered the same
advice:
Ain’t gonna happen, kid.
Now I find myself, an adult, whose calling it is to yammer on about video games.
And four years ago, a game happened that left me flabbergasted.
Well before Smash Bros. Brawl, and kicking off a chain of engagements that shows no sign
of slowing, we had Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games.
It should be mentioned that these are the 2008 Olympics in Beijing, as, at the time,
the idea was so novel as to need no further explanation: Take Mr. Number 1 in video games,
Add Mr. Number 2 in video games, and have them compete in the greatest sports spectacular
in the world.
And then, in 2010 for the Winter Olympics in Vancouver, they did it again, and for the
2012 games in London, they did it again.
But here’s where it all started.
There are 24 events, ranging from simple track and field, swimming events, fencing, table
tennis, and then some weird Dream events that play less like an olympic game and more like
Mario Kart.
Each of the game’s 16 contestants - 8 Nintendo, 8 Sega - have particular strengths and weaknesses,
though these innate stats have significantly less weight over your results than your ability
to navigate the wild and oftentimes irrational controls.
Just for example, there are five different kinds of swimming strokes.
Five.
And each has its own flavor of waggle.
Yes, you’ve got plenty of waggling to do, and about half the time you spend playing
is used in hooking up and disconnecting the nunchuck.
Some games use it, some give you the option of using it, and some require it not be used,
making the whole experience a little schizophrenic.
However, the majority of the action makes at least some sense: point and shoot for skeet
events, table tennis works like you’d expect it should, with options for chop and smash
shots, and fencing...
well, that kinda just works out to “stab with the Wiimote as fast as possible.”
But you can’t win ‘em all.
Unless you’re Michael Phelps.
Also included is a circuit mode, for playing three-event sets, and a mission mode, where
six challenges await for each character.
Unfortunately, some of these are rather stupid... “land a javelin within 40 to 50 meters,
when your average contest-winning throw is 80 to 90.
What does hamstringing yourself prove?
These are the Olympics; they’re supposed to be about achievement, not sucking on command.
Besides, who wants to be the one to tell Yoshi that, though he was just shy of setting a
new Olympic record for speed, he in fact completed the race three hundredths of a second too
fast, so no star for him.
It’s an entertaining little diversion, produced with care by Sega (probably because Nintendo
were breathing down their necks the whole time).
The two giants (one less so than at the time) have set aside their differences, in the spirit
of the Olympic games, and have done fairly well for themselves.
But just like world-record times, there’s always room for improvement.