like you can tell a guy you're on the
pill get pregnant and then he's got to
be a dad there's no law about that i
love being a woman
kylie jenner didn't always look like
that she used to look like this
a nice normal girl and what she's done
is convinced other nice normal girls
that she made her face go from this
to this via a lipstick
that only she sells
just to let you in on something i'm
wearing that lipstick right now
no one told me that i was gonna grow a
beard
no one told me i found out that i had
one on my second date with my boyfriend
he said very politely um you've got um
just a hair i thought well this is a
second date this could be very
embarrassing but i decided
i would style it out you know be the
strong confident woman he met
so i leaned into him and i went go on
babe get it and he said
which one us women we never do anything
wrong do we ladies
allow me i never do nothing wrong
because what we do is psychological
trauma but it's it's not illegal and
it's totally undetectable
i sold 42 000 pounds for tickets last
year
i made minus 3 500 pounds
but the main reason is is because if
you'll see that's a 6x4
wind sequence sign with my name on it
that now lives at the end of my bed
which my boyfriend is thrilled about i
can tell you
um that's my boyfriend there in a more
suit dressed as a hot air balloon
he was free and the reason it was
expensive is because that's a gay on a
piano and you know what gays are
expensive because they know their worth
i've realized that when you take
yourself seriously you need to like
research things to do with yourself and
i'm fat
it's fine i went onto the internet and i
started to write fat acceptance but
actually they've changed that word it's
now called body positivity so we let the
skinny girls get involved welcome
so have you seen these eyebrows on these
kids of course you have you've got
googler if you can just find them
this is what the girls want their
eyebrows to look like but unfortunately
this is what they actually look like
i don't run i don't even run in my own
if i've been nightmares by a man with a
knife i end up getting stabbed in every
single one of my dreams
i mean i say i'm a feminist all the time
to get out of stuff mainly but i
sometimes i'm not one when it's my turn
to go at the shops in the rain
i'm not a feminist then he's like go at
the shops it's your turn and i'm like
me but i'm just a little dainty baller
lady
everyone loves that yeah wow you used to
do you remember when these were like
everywhere
like late 90s everyone loved some if you
wanted to sell a product you
you know you just strap like soft pawn
or the idea of someone men might get
laid
they'll buy it but it's all different
now things have changed it's all about
inspirational porn
if you strap a good deed to a product
people will buy it like this bottle
right
i bought it so i wouldn't buy plastic
bottles but i keep forgetting it and i
bought seven i'm not sure if that's what
they wanted
paris hilton appointed kim kardashian as
her stylist but as we can see by the
clothes that paris hilton was wearing
back then
i don't think a lot of styling was going
on i think they were probably doing much
more than styling
here they are doing much more than
styling and all this time i've been
doing comedy
i thought what i've been doing like the
the the position on stage i've been
doing was the best one you know
this one walking up and down looking a
bit confident
showing you marissa every now and again
to show vulnerability
i thought it was this you know but
apparently as a feminist in 2019 that's
the wrong position to take because
according to beyonce
when i went to see her show i should
have done the entire show so far
now i love this this was a photo shoot
where they got all these actresses that
um are like older and stuff and they
made them all wear like
black turtlenecks they look great but
what i love about this is they all got
the memo
all these ladies right but then when
helen mirren got the memo
she said this is as far as i'm going
and we're taking down the bad men aren't
we girls
yes loads of men that are up yeah
who runs the world yeah who does
china is actually the answer
it's china they they say it's us women
to rile us all up but it's not us it's
not even white guys it's just china
women aren't funny your wife must have a
sense of humor
she's seen you naked oh
drop my cucumber do i call you or do i
just commit a crime
probably committing a crime would get me
to you quicker this is
my most inviting thank you and good
night