SANDEEP: Hey, everybody!
I'm Sandeep Parikh.
And I'm this week's guest Flogger.
So if you guessed that it was me, you were right!
Write at Sandeep Parikh--
you guessed correctly.
What?
What is this?
This is very, very girly.
Let's just move it.
Very vaginal.
Yuck.
We gotta man it up.
Well, we'll keep these.
I think I have a--
got my knife.
My black baseball.
Monkey with a dagger.
And my tools!
OK.
Now that we got all that period stuff out of the way,
I'm ready to do the Flog!
[HARPSICHORD MUSIC PLAYING]
So!
Can we get-- do we have anything else?
Can we get some trash?
Can we just have some-- just garbage?
Because that would help.
Thank you.
Now it's a Man's Flog.
For men.
So Flog has a different context entirely.
My faves--
my Mio Trios--
I'm not calling it that.
That's [BLEEP]
gross.
This is my Flog, so I'm going to man it up.
I'm going to call it my Three Dicks.
OK?
Dick number one is Save The Supers.
It's made by-- it's a show-- a brand new web series on My
Damn Channel, made by Sunbeep Puppreek--
S--
Sapeek Pakree.
OK, it's made by me.
And yes, it's really lame to do your own show as one of
your faves.
But I'm going to do it anyway, because I'm really proud of it
and I really want you to watch it.
It's about a group of superheroes and what they're
doing when they're not saving the world.
Sort of The Office means the Justice League.
And Felicia is even in it, and she plays an amazing cat
burglar, a pun-loving cat burglar.
So check it out.
The cast and crew worked really hard
and it's very funny.
If you like superheroes and you like comedy, then you're a
good person.
And if you don't like either of those things, you can go
straight to Hell.
Dick--
Dick duo.
Dooblay Dick.
Dick number deuce.
The Perry Bible Fellowship, which is not at all what you
think it is.
It's written by Nicholas Gurewitch, and it's a
collection of his web comics.
And they're super twisted, and messed up, and funny.
The monkey will hold it.
I sometimes read it while taking a poop.
It's a good bathroom book.
Lots of good stuff in here.
Can you zoom in on that, Jimmy?
There's nobody named Jimmy here.
OK.
Dick number three is called Brandon Generator and it's by
Edgar Wright and Tommy Lee Edwards.
Edgar Wright is one of my favorite
directors of all time.
He did Shaun of the Dead and Scott Pilgram, and this new
sort of motion webcomic is also by you!
So you input your own thoughts via voicemail, or you write
stuff, or you draw stuff, and they incorporate it into the
story line.
It's really cool.
You should check it out.
They have four episodes out now.
It's just like--
it's a beautiful noir--
awesome piece.
So watch it.
Hey!
So, for the segment this week, we're going to do some-- go
back to some girly crap, and that's Felicia and Robin.
They're going to make Satan.
Sorry.
WOMAN'S VOICE (OFFSCREEN): Seitan
SANDEEP: S--
Say-tahn.
Which is French for Satan.
FELICIA: I'm here with my friend Robin, again.
ROBIN: What's up?
FELICIA: What's up?
ROBIN: I dunno.
FELICIA: And I found an amazing recipe on this cool
website called Post Punk Kitchen.
And they have some really good vegetarian and vegan recipes,
and I've chosen their Seitan From Scratch recipe.
ROBIN: First of all, it looks like Satan, so--
FELICIA: No.
ROBIN: Let's be honest, here.
FELICIA: It's say-taahn.
ROBIN: I know, but--
FELICIA: What we can do is form the seitan into Satan.
We're going to make literally wheat meat from scratch.
Basically for the simmering broth we need 4 cups of "Flog"
vegetable broth-- it's not full.
I mean I don't mean to micromanage OK.
So go away with that.
ROBIN: Lemme go away with this.
FELICIA: Put it on one of the burners and boil.
Oh, I gotta cover it.
ROBIN: Well here's the thing about your stove.
FELICIA: Next step is to form the seitan body.
The Satanic seitan body.
ROBIN: All right.
Like a--
FELICIA: Smells most delightful.
ROBIN: I'm not going to!
FELICIA: Why?
ROBIN: Why would you do that though?
I always--
I--
FELICIA: Smell it.
Come on.
Two tablespoons of lemon juice.
Hello, this lemon came from my garden.
So if there's ever an apocalypse and you need fresh
fruit, get on your Mad Max motorcycle
and come to my house.
ROBIN: Your mammery.
FELICIA: Hey!
ROBIN: I was trying to grope you!
FELICIA: You almost grabbed my boob!
ROBIN: I'm sorry.
It's in the morning and--
FELICIA: You're just
uninhibited with groob babbing?
ROBIN: Yeah.
FELICIA: Groob--
[LAUGHS]
ROBIN: Groob.
That's a nice juicer you got there.
FELICIA: Is it?
Right?
It's like the Cadillac of juicers.
Oh!
ROBIN: That's smart.
FELICIA: OK.
Don't do that.
Robin pressed the garlic [INTERPOSING VOICES]
I don't let my fingers smell like garlic.
And then one--
I think this is--
whatever.
ROBIN: It should be.
FELICIA: It should be.
So we're going to mix our wet ingredients, and then we're
going to put them together.
ROBIN: OK.
FELICIA: Because that's how cooking's made.
ROBIN: That's what they do on the cooking shows.
FELICIA: Really?
This is-- we are on a cooking show.
ROBIN: Well-- wheat meat.
FELICIA: Say it four times fast.
ROBIN: In the bathroom, with the lights off.
I wonder what would happen.
Like Bloody Mary?
Wheat meat?
FELICIA: It's a s-- it's a devil--
Seitan!
He would appear!
This looks very doughy.
Right there?
So now I'm going to use my hands.
I think Robin, you should do this.
Get in that seitan.
Get in it.
We need to divide into th--
No, come on!
So I gotta get in here.
ROBIN: Yeah
FELICIA: I don't like this feeling.
ROBIN: I know.
It feels weird, huh?
FELICIA: We're making meat wheat balls.
ROBIN: I like that!
FELICIA: You need to stretch it.
Stretch it.
Next time we should invite somebody over--
ROBIN: We should!
FELICIA: --when we massage our seitan.
We'll do a Twitter contest, come over and massage our
seitan with us.
Anyway, lipservice.
ROBIN: You just throw it?
FELICIA: We have to simmer this for 45 minutes.
ROBIN: Why didn't you do that?
FELICIA: Because we can't drop it.
It will splash, and we'll burn our faces off.
ROBIN: We don't want that.
FELICIA: I can see it in my head right now.
Ooh, that does not smell good.
Don't splash your face.
ROBIN: OK.
This is weird.
FELICIA: Okay, so we're going to simmer our wheat balls in
the broth for 45 minutes.
And then let it sit for 15 minutes.
Then we'll be able to have our wheat meat done.
ROBIN: Hweat meat.
(EXAGGERATED) H-weat meat.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
FELICIA: Present it.
Present it, Robin.
ROBIN: Let me show you our wheat meat.
FELICIA: Look at that.
ROBIN: Appetizing, or what?
FELICIA: Yummy!
Now we're going to
cut it ROBIN: Oh!
It worries me that you have that big knife--
FELICIA: Ready.
ROBIN: --in your hand, though.
FELICIA: The show was ready--
ROBIN: On hand.
FELICIA: It was in my butt.
ROBIN: All right.
FELICIA: OK.
So we're going to take this and slice it.
Look at it!
I'm slicing it like bread.
It's bread meat!
There are a couple of really good recipes on that website.
To put barbecue sauce on, and put a stir fry.
And then also--
[PHONE RINGS]
It's my mom.
I'm going to tie this.
Okay, clinkies!
ROBIN: It's really garlicky.
FELICIA: You put the garlic in.
ROBIN: I did, didn't I?
FELICIA: OK, so, we're going to put this in something and
make it into a dish, but hopefully you guys can
experiment.
And if you make a devil head with your seitan-- which we
forgot to do, link us a picture.
ROBIN: That'll be pretty rad.
FELICIA: OK!
Next time, bye!
ROBIN: Bye!
SANDEEP: And the Question of Note this week
comes from The Skunk.
And it is, if you could have any weapon or tool, real or
fictional, permanently affixed to your body, where--
and what-- would it be?
Well, dear Skunk, I would definitely attach it to my arm
because all my other limbs are super awesome.
I could attach maybe an egg beater or a hammer, but that'd
be super boring.
So, I don't know, Portal gun?
Now we're talking.
An ATM machine, because I love money.
Or a blender.
Or a blender filled with an endless Margarita.
I think the most powerful weapon or tool, though, is the
human mind.
But that'd be really weird on my hand.
So, Portal gun.
Sincerely Sandeep Parikh.
Send.
All right.
Well, I hope you enjoyed my Guest Flog.
It was so fun to do, now that we've manned
it up a little bit.
I'll see you later.
Bye!
FELICIA: What did you do with my set?
Where are my trinkets?
What'd you do to my bunny?
Bye!
[MUSIC PLAYING]