Hey, this is Evan Marc Katz, a
Dating coach for smart, strong,
successful women, your personal
trainer for love.
Welcome to the Love U podcast.
This is our one hundredth episode.
Stick around to the end to learn
something unique and powerful.
When we're done, I'll tell you about
how you can join, Love U, and get
the passionate relationship that
makes you feel safe, heard, and
understood.
So this is the
100th episode of Love U podcast.
And if you know me at all, you
may know that I'm not a celebrator.
While I do tell my
stories and talk about myself a lot,
I'm a little uncomfortable
with the
limelight. I'm a little
uncomfortable with social media
and posting all
the time.
So this is a new thing that I'm sort
of stepping into.
And I want to take the time to
do something that I never do.
And by extension, I want to
encourage you to do the same.
We could all be focusing on
working hard and putting
food on the table and then and
no one is saying you shouldn't.
But for me, anyway,
I'm a work first person and I
rarely get to play.
And I rarely stop at the mountaintop
and look back on the mountain that I
climbed. I'm always onto the
next mountain.
And
maybe with Coronavirus, I'm just
trying to turn over a new leaf.
So today I want to stop and
celebrate.
I did ninety-six
episodes of the Love U podcast from
2016 to 2018.
And it was really fun and
it was a lot of work, but I enjoyed
it. And at our peak we had
I think forty thousand
unique listeners a month, which
was really great.
We were in the top 20 podcasts
for self-help and
at a certain point, it became
a burden to have to produce
a really good podcast where we
had the two-camera setup
and trying to get distribution
and advertising.
It was it just became like another
thing that I had to do because
I'm a much better dating coach than
I am a businessman.
So all of these
years later,
I decided to reboot the podcast
and really reboot my entire
business and helping smart, strong,
successful women find love.
And I wanted to take this
opportunity because I sent a
newsletter out about it and I posted
a blog about it. But I want to take
the time to be
a little bit more personal, more
discursive on what we're doing,
why we're doing it, how it affects
you.
Cause I'm very conscious of the fact
that everything's about you.
I'm just the guy who's talking.
You're listening to me for how
does this impact my love life?
So I want to explain to you how it
does.
First, a reintroduction.
And again, this is what I'm going to
be doing right away.
He's gonna be going through bullet
points. There's no script here.
And reintroducing myself and
reintroducing the Love U podcast.
I'm going to explain to you what I'm
giving you for free on a regular
basis.
I'm going to explain to you what
Love U is and what I do for a
living. And I'm going to give you
one piece, one great piece of dating
advice that's going to forever
change the way you choose men.
And we're talking about how to get
into Love U at the very, very end.
But first, to reintroduce
myself.
My name is Evan Marc Katz, I'm a
dating coach for smart, strong, successful women.
And that's
just a tag.
I've been saying it for so long.
I don't think too much about it.
But who are you?
You are the woman who has everything
but the man.
You are the woman who looks at your
life and says,
this isn't the life I want to be
leading.
I know there's more out there.
I keep really busy because
I'm not denying my rich, full,
single life.
And I keep really, really busy to
avoid looking at the fact that
this isn't all I want.
Love is out there. Love is possible.
And for some reason, despite all my
many accomplishments, despite my
successful career and all that I
have upstairs and how good I look
from age.
I'm longing for more.
Your life is here.
You want to aim up here.
And I'm a facilitator.
I'm just the person who gets you
from where you are, which
is better than this.
Better than most people to
up here.
Because I'm evangelical
about love.
I'm a Jewish atheist, but I'm
ultimately in it.
Evangelical about love.
I believe in my
marriage.
And I believe that
you can have this kind of marriage.
And it is easy and it's fun.
And it is the thing that makes life
worth living more than everything.
And once again, I think it's
coronavirus exposes anything.
If you make six figures and you have
an amazing place and you're at home
alone trying to figure out
what are you gonna do now?
It very much exposes
the folly of being so
on the career path that you never
stop to cultivate
the love life.
And we're really all about
dating in
healthiest practices.
What are the best practices for
dating so that you can get the
relationship you deserve?
And so my job
essentially for 17 years
has been to help women
understand men and make
better relationship choices that
produce better results,
not just in a lab
and not just in theory, but in
real life, because there's a lot of
dating advice out there that is
validating and it sounds really
good, but it actually doesn't change
your life. It doesn't produce any
results. You end up
dissecting your past and figuring
out, you know, why you're attracted
to bad boys. But that still doesn't
tell you how to date online.
It still doesn't tell you how to act
on a first date. It doesn't tell you
how to handle sex so that a guy
comes back for more.
So there's a lot of very
specific mechanisms that
I teach in Love U that allow
you to feel like you've got
this G.P.S.
that leads you where you want to go.
So
I provide that kind of advice in a
structure called Love U.
I'll explain that in a second.
My podcast, the thing that I'm doing
here, is a replacement for what I've
done for years and years and years,
which was built on a sort of shoddy
foundation.
I started a blog in 2007, so
I blogged twice a week on Mondays,
Reader questions. On Thursdays, I
had links to articles on the
Internet. And that was fun.
And I didn't have to think too much
about it cause the content was
generated by the Internet and I
didn't know just how to react to it.
And I would send out newsletters
on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and
Saturdays promoting various
giving free dating advice and
promoting products. But if you came
to my computer, you saw my screen,
I'd had all these spreadsheets and
here's podcasts and here are
newsletters and here are blog posts.
And I was like
a guy who was juggling way,
way, way too much.
It's nice to be able to produce
a good amount of content.
The problem is when you're producing
a great amount of content to
diminishing returns.
So this reboot
is I'm now going to
be doing a podcast,
this podcast twice a week.
I'm hoping if I am if I'm
disciplined and I stick with this
and I enjoy this way of doing it,
I'm going to produce a video
and a podcast.
Then it's going to be videotaping
the podcast.
So you can watch it on YouTube.
You can listen on Spotify, Stitcher,
Apple
podcasts, or whatever.
The short type one, the
three to five-minute catchy video
is going to come out every Tuesday.
And then Thursday or Saturday
is sort of debating, I'm
going to be putting out a longer,
more discursive one where I tell
stories of
clients,
the kind of stuff that goes a little
bit deeper, that might go 10
minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes or
something like that.
And those will be later in the week.
And my hope is
that by producing all this
free content and giving
you a lot of ideas
about the kind of
mindset shifts and tactical
shifts that you can make to produce
better results and love,
I can provide a valuable public
service that makes a difference in
your life.
And if you decide, hey, I'm learning
a lot here, but my
life isn't changing, then
I would invite you to join me
in Love U. Love U is my
signature course.
It's a six-month
video curriculum
that walks you through
everything you need to know about
dating relationships and men.
The first month is on confidence.
The second month is meeting men,
dating the first three
months.
And then the second half of the
course is what happens when you find
a guy that you like.
That's understanding men,
relationships, and commitment.
And so it's a massive online
course. Each week we unlock a new
module. We get emails.
So you could watch about a half-hour
of love you content each week.
And I offer group coaching, private
coaching, taking you through that.
We can say, well, I know all
this stuff. I knew this stuff from
listening to your podcast, from
watching YouTube videos.
I'm having trouble applying it.
And that's where group coaching,
private coaching, reading
me your text messages, logging into
Match.com.
That's where we could make a real
tangible difference in your life,
because, again, there's knowing
something and then there's doing it.
So I'm going to give you a whole
bunch of stuff that I know that that
I think is going to help you.
And if you're struggling to actually
get from point A to point Z,
you can apply to join me in
Love U.
And we'll talk and figure out your
goals and how to get you there.
So that's
them.
And not that long.
Didn't seem like a waste of time.
It's not that long.
That's the gist of what I wanted to
explain today.
Now, I want to give you one great
piece of advice that will forever
change the way you choose men.
And this is it.
And sometimes I feel like I give
away too much.
I'm not a great salesperson.
I've had professional copywriters
look at my site and say stuff like,
why would anybody buy anything from
you? Because you give everybody
everything for free.
And I, I do understand that I need
to get e-mails from people saying,
hey, thank you.
I got married thanks to you.
You would never know it because I
never bought anything from you.
But thank you.
And I love
receiving e-mails like that.
And I really do try to be
generous. I'm going to be generous
again and give you something that is
really at the essence of what
I try to teach in Love U.
In a way, it's almost the punchline
of Love U.
But once again, there's a big
difference between knowing the punch
line and knowing how to construct
the joke. So here it is.
Usually, when you're dating,
you choose things that you're
attracted to and you choose men that
you're attracted to. And you get on
a dating site, what do you do
when you get on an app?
What do you do? I look at a guy's
height.
You look at a guy's age.
You look at a guy's income.
You're looking at the guy's
religion. You look at a guy's
politics.
So that's where we're looking
through a checklist.
Height, weight, age, education,
religion, income,
and seeing if he meets the
checklist.
And you've been doing that your way.
And if you listen to this, you're
probably single, right?
To
only end up here, right?
Where?
Huh? I've been choosing men this
way.
And every time I choose a guy based
on those criteria, which I'm
still going to find attractive.
No one is telling you shouldn't find
attractive. Every time I choose guys
based on those criteria,
I get hurt.
I get heartbroken.
I end up with an undercut, quite a
love. I end up staying in a bad
relationship for too long.
You recount the ways that you ended
up single. But there's some version
of that.
So I aim to in
my work in Love U.
When I'm coaching, you
say, hey, those things are great.
But the problem is they say nothing
about what kind of husband he is,
how tall he is. It doesn't make him
a better husband. How rich he is
doesn't make him the better husband.
How he practices religion doesn't
make him a better husband.
And so on.
All these things are things that you
like, that you find attractive, that
you may have in common.
But they state nothing about how he
treats you nor how you feel
in the relationship.
So we hold onto the things
you find attractive, and then we
look at the things that are
ultimately important in a
relationship that most people go
their whole life without getting all
of these.
And you, because you're listening to
me right now from my one-hundredth
episode, are never gonna go without
these five things kindness,
consistency, communication,
commitment, character.
You got that kindness,
communication, consistency,
commitment, character.
If you get all of those
things
and you're attracted to the guy and
have fun with him, you're all set.
The problem is when you go for the
guy who's six feet tall, who has a
master's education, who makes more
money than you do, and then you
suffer because he is missing
some form of timeless consistency,
communication, commitment, and
character.
Pay attention to those qualities.
That's our North Star.
That's where we're headed.
When I take people through Love U.
It's a six-month process.
So if we say I'm
I'm gonna focus on those
qualities. The feeling of
being taken care of within a
relationship and I won't settle for
less.
I'm not going to be distracted by
the guy just because he's cute or
just because he's rich or just
because he's smart.
We eliminate a lot of bad options.
We eliminate a lot of wasted time
on these guys who don't deliver.
And most guys won't deliver.
That's important to keep in mind,
too. Most guys won't deliver on
this.
So if you take anything away
from today's Love U podcast other
than, "Hey, it's good to see Evan
again." It would be kindness,
consistency, communication,
commitment, character.
Gonna write that down.
Forget it.
In the meantime, my name
is Evan Marc Katz.
I want to thank you for tuning into
the Love U podcast.
Did you learn something valuable
today?
Please subscribe below.
Share an honest review on Apple.
In fact, that's going to be my big
request for you.
In exchange for all this free stuff.
Do me one favor for
my one-hundredth episode.
And I've had forty thousand people a
month listen to this thing.
I have one hundred and something
reviews on Apple.
Click on the link.
Give me a review on
Apple Podcasts.
That would mean the world to me.
It sends a message to Apple that on
the podcast, this is a podcast worth
listening to.
They have an opportunity to
feature us and it costs
us nothing. And it makes a big
difference in my life and spreads
the words about the good ideas that
we're talking about here.
Ideas that leave
millions of more women in
happy, healthy, successful, long
term relationships that make you
feel safe, heard, and understood.
So please do that
one thing for me, after all the free
stuff that I give to you.
That would mean the world.
Thank you so much.
I love you.
I appreciate you.
And I look forward to seeing you on
my next podcast. Love you.