Hey there, Adam Little today from SexyConfidence.com, where I help the 21st century woman create
a love life that she absolutely freaking loves.
In this video, right now, I'm going to be talking about how it is that you can get your
ex-boyfriend back without losing your dignity.
Keep watching.
So you've gone through a breakup and it sucks.
Out of nowhere, you've suddenly become a Ben and Jerry's-eating, Netflix-watching, Kleenex-buying,
sweatpants-wearing monster that literally can't leave the house.
Then some time goes by, you start to heal, you start spending more time with your girlfriends,
you start to feel a little bit better.
Then suddenly, you're feeling good.
You're getting your life back.
You suddenly feel like you're no longer a monster.
Now that you're past the initial trauma of the breakup, you're starting to think, "How
can I get my ex back?"
And that, my lady, is why I'm here.
Here are the five steps that you need to take, in order to get that ex back.
Step number one: Don't try to get your ex back.
"Then why am I watching this stupid video?"
Hold on, hold on.
Keep eating those pretzels.
Don't try to get your ex back right now, because if you're constantly pursuing him, then you
lose all your power.
Don't text him, don't call him, don't do anything yet.
You got to show discipline at this point in your life.
Give him some space.
He needs some space to take in everything right now.
Even if he's hitting you up, unless he's directly trying to get back together with you, show
a little bit of discipline before responding to those texts.
Right now is not about convincing him to come back to you, it's about him making the decision
on his own to want to be with you again.
Step number two: Create an attractive new lifestyle.
I know it's really difficult when a relationship ends to feel like you're whole again.
It feels like you're cut in half and you got nothing going for you.
But that's exactly why it's time to fill yourself back in again and find that new lifestyle
that you really want.
You need to build your confidence back.
Go socialize, go make a few new friends, join a Meetup group, do whatever you need to do
to get yourself back out there again.
Start getting in shape again.
Go to new classes, go to a boot camp class, whatever it is to surround yourself with people
and continuously be improving yourself all along the way.
Pick up a cool-ass new hobby, whatever it is.
Go on a vacation even, for example.
I remember after my last breakup that I was in about three years ago.
After that breakup, I actually took a month-long vacation to Thailand with my best friend,
Rob, who also was going through a breakup.
What was incredible is throughout that trip, it was amazing for both of us, because it
really allowed us both to re-center ourselves and remember not to take anything too seriously.
Although your pain right now is significant to you, when you change your surroundings
and change your perspective, you start to realize that you're only a small part of this
universe.
So don't waste this very short time we have here on Earth focused on winning back one
person.
Take this time right now to redefine you.
Because if you go back to him right now in the same disheveled shape that you're in right
now, then nothing has changed or improved and he's not going to want to stick with it
and be with you for the future.
Step number three: Accept the fact that you may never actually get your ex back.
I don't want you to return to your ex in desperation.
If you have that mindset of the, "Whatever he wants from me, I will give it to him,"
then you're not being true and honest to yourself.
Do you want him back?
Yeah, you probably do!
And are you willing to change and improve to get that?
Hell yeah, you probably will.
But are you going to be willing to lower your own value and lose your dignity just to get
him back.
Hell no.
If you decide that you're ready to get your ex back, that means that you're ready to date
again.
You should also be exploring other options.
If you feel that it's too early to go on a date with someone else, then it's still too
early to fully re-engage with your ex.
However, on the other hand, if you do feel like you're ready to go out with someone else,
then go for it.
Get a taste of what it's like to go out with new people, to meet new people.
See what other options are out there.
You know what might happen?
You might even second guess wanting to get back together with your ex.
Now once you've done that, you move on to step four, which is: Really reflecting on
the reasons why the relationship ended.
Do you have fundamentally different values in life?
Are you even really compatible?
Were you even happy in that relationship or were you just comfortable?
These are really hard questions to ask yourself and even harder questions to answer.
But if you don't do it, then you might possibly get back with your ex and just rinse, wash,
and repeat.
Go through the same exact situation that happened to you the last time.
It might be great again for the next three months, but then before you know it, the relationship
ends again.
Finally, once you've done all these four steps, now you can move on to step five which is:
Contacting the ex when you're in a healthy mindset.
Please, whatever you do, don't text him.
I still love you!!
I miss you!!
Definitely don't text those things.
You're now in a position of power.
Instead, reach out with something a little bit lighter.
Maybe it's a fond memory that you have of a restaurant that you guys have been together.
Maybe tell him that you're craving your favorite takeout food and you thought of him today.
Just bring back some of those positive memories that you guys had when you were together.
Let him remember the great parts of who you are.
If you do see each other again, now that you've gone through the first four steps, he's going
to be able to see this new, powerful, sexy, confidant you that he hasn't seen in quite
a while.
But at the same time, if you do contact him, and he doesn't want anything at that point,
then you really got to go back to step one.
Give him more space.
And you've got to move on with your life.
Right now, clearly, it's not a time for you to be together, but that could always change
in the future.
You need to meet the right person at the right time.
Maybe he's the wrong person for you at the right time.
Or he's the right person for you at the wrong time.
Regardless, it's not the right thing for you right now and you just need to learn and grow
from everything that happened in that relationship and bring it along to the next relationship
that you're going to find.
If he doesn't see that in you right now, then you know what?
It's his loss.
Let him live regret that he didn't get back together with you, while you go off and create
an incredible life without him.
I want to hear from you.
What are some of the biggest mistakes that you've made trying to get your ex back?
I love to hear from you, right there in the comments below.
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Thank you so much for watching, and I'll speak to you next Thursday.
Bye-bye.